I need some new friends...

[quest]

Originally posted by Joe The Homophobe
onthepath, sorry to break it to you but there is no guide to making lifelong friends, those really good friends that you can depend on and really care about you, most of the time (like 98%) you get such friends in childhood. I have your same problem. Mine was due to my family moving a lot. I have been to 9 different schools pre-college that I can remember but I bet i might be missing one or 2. I made friends in all of them but never got to keep any of them, and college was't an improvement I been to more than 2. The one house I did spend a lot of time living in when I was like 6 or 7 I made my best friends, best childhood memories. After that I moved a lot, met tons of new people, tons of people that you say 'hows it going' and hang out a few times with ("friends" but no "really good friends"), but no dependable best friends, those that you have a bond with and care about you.

You said you are in university now, well it is too late already. Lifelong friends are found in childhood, those kids in your neighborhood you grew up with, those that you went to school with since you were a little kid. This is true because growing up together you develop a bond and they truly care about you, unlike new friends when you're an adult it is just about fun. You shouldn't try looking for lifelong friends now because what you will find will dissapoint you. Im sure you will find plenty of "friends," people that you hang out with lots of times and do fun stuff together. Just because you met some friends and you hang out with them after school or go to bars etc it does not make them best friends/lifelong friends for the future. Most don't really give a damn about you. Friends like that come and go.

have the SAME problem! My best friend for 17 years, I ended it! We met when we were 2, our parents did, etc. We were so close, like literally brothers. We always used to say bros before hos and all that stuff.

Hes a natural PUA and I'm a AFC loser. Needless to say he advanced, and I got left behind. He's always with his girls. Whenever hes with a new girlfriend, hes with he seemingly 24/7. We live 5 miles away, but I saw him like every 4 months or so! He "busy". How busy can you be to hang out once a week?

I always had his back, and hooked him up. I felt like a ***** in a relationship, I was the one who called all the time, I was being taken advanteged of. I never ended it before because he was like my security blanket.

Last week, I said **** it, and I just finished it. It was on AIM, what a bastard, he didnt even call back to straighten things out! That showed me just how important our friendship was to him.

Anyway, besides him, I never made a real connection. I have "friends" that I waste time with, but no one I can depend on. I feel like a loner.

2 completely different veiws.. and i disagree with both..

time does not really make a friendship stronger.. and i can say this from experience..
i've got my best friend, as you can read earlier in the thread.. but its so much more then time, had i only met him a year ago, we'd be just as close.. we don't talk about the old times, unless we meet chicks and they are like "how long have u known in each other?" then we bring up a few old stories.. but thats all they are now, stories.. the stories we are making now-a-days are 1000 times more exciting..
and its these new stories we share that have really built our bond..
and i'm lucky, my friend is a little bit screwed in the head? a real commitment phobe. but thats helped by the fact that we go out clubbing every friday, most saturdays, and sometimes other nights during the week.. we have that in common. we both love clubbing, because we both love chicks.. we have the same sense of humor and bounce of each other perfectly.. but none of this was true until a year or so ago..
much like finding a girlfriend, be selective.. it will take alot of time to find the right guy.. but don't give up..

 

[spider_007]

My problem is a bit different, I left the old life and old friends and moved to a new country, and now i cant get past the "hey haw's it going" phase with ppl i know. I have yat to make some reall friends, with who i can go out chick hunting. Change can be a biAch if your interverted.

 

[Reach]

It really isn't that hard to make freinds as long as you don't come across as taking from them. Don't have too many expectations and you'll be surprised. A lot of what people are looking for is unrealistic or they don't know how to go about getting what they achieve.

Just be cool and be a freind to everyone.

 

[Hellboy]

Making buddies isn't that hard, it's not that different from picking up women. You want to show an affinity (the way you dress, the things ur interested in), and you want to entertain (be funny and have an intelligent conversation). Nail those two and you got someone to hang out with.

Now to strengthen those bonds and upgrade a buddy into a true friend you got to consistently demonstrate attributes of comradeship, and do it more or less selflessly - that is, as Reach pointed out, don't expect anything in return. What I mean is, you should BE this person, not just pretend to get a friend.

Key aspects to remember when strengthening friendship bonds:

1. Work together for a shared purpose. (Even if it's just macking)
2. Believe in your comrade. (Genuinely, and show it)
3. Be loyal. (If you can't do this you don't really deserve the friendship!)
4. Fulfill their trust. (Don't make promises you can't keep)
5. Speak the truth. (And nothing but.)
6. Happily make sacrifices for your comrade.
7. Don't spread yourself out, choose a few worthy comrades.

Finally, a word of warning, don't depend on ANYONE for your happiness. Always be wary and always be prepared to lose anyone at the drop of a hat. Sorry to be pessimistic but just read my post on page one of this thread, and you'll understand. At the end of the day the best friend you'll ever have is you.

 

[Oxide]

This is a bunch of bullsh1t! Friend are not only made in your childhood.

I like to call all my guy relatives (cousins, second cousins) my brothers. To me, they are, and i dont give two sh1t about this "cousin" sh1t. Then, i dont have one best friend. I have 3. I have 3 guys who are my best friends, and i dont wish to pick one specific one.

Take it from me dude, i moved to USA without knowing ANYONE when i was 15, leaving everything behind. First 4 months all i had was a nigerian kid i met, and a mexican kid i met. 6 months later i met my first american friend. We hit it off as soon as we met. He was very nice and cool about me being foreign, and i looked up to him as a mentor becuase he knew how to deal with girls. 8 months later a guy who was MAKING FUN of me was at the same party i was at. We started talking, found out we lived next to each other,.... he has been on of my best friends for 5 years now. He is my roomate now.

It is true that good friends are very far in between, but you can and should be trying all you can. Tell me, what kind of effort are you putting out? Have you gotten a 100 numbers from guys you want to hang with? Have you called them up to go partying with them?

Sh1t, one of my friends i met on this site last summer. I plan on visiting him at college next month.

The truth it, you gotta put more effort than you are used to. It is somewhat similar to Confident Persistance. You gotta be nice and show the person that you do want to be his friend. Remember, he is on the same spectrum, wondering why 99% of people he meets are strangers..

Most important thing is respect. If your friends dont respect you, they are not your friends. Poking fun and laughing about girls with moustaches your buddy slept with is OK. It is a guy thing to do. However, talking sh1t and taking advantage of another person is simply wrong.

 

[loveprefect]

my point of view

I dont think childhood friends are necessary the best you will get...however they are usually those that will help you in times of need.

You need all sorts of friends in life. While people said that it is the true friends that matters the most, but true friends might be serious AFC where they make you feels uncomfortable to hang out in the public...

It think the definition of best friends have to be someone which is on the same wavelenght where it is very easy to communicate an idea with. someone who is cool enough to hang out with. someone who is funny. I met a few of these friends that became my hang out buddies during college...now everybody is heading their own path in life...

The houdini trick is great because when you move to a new place and start over, you are basically a loner which automatically makes you want to make new friends...however after some time, most will become lazy and less proactive in making new friends.

 

[Broham]

I've been reading that book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Cargenie, and most of the advice given is common-sense, but never applied. I think I can sum it up in one phrase:

If you can consistently show that you are generally interested in another person, without portraying any phonyness or alterior motives, you will win them as a friend.

This doesn't mean doing favors for them every day and kissing their ass. A few open ended questions about them should lead up to a great conversation. Don't talk about yourself that much in the beginning of the relationship......no one is going to care unless you are a celebrity. People LOVE to talk about themselves and value/respect people who just take the time to listen. Once you show that your generally interested in them, they should become interested in you.

 

[Move]

I have to disagree with the whole 'lifelong friends are found at birth' deal. To an extent, it is true but its not impossible to make solid REAL friends.

I was in full houdini swing and was beginning to wonder if being a nomad was such a good thing. I bergan to believe that i would never have a best friend again, just acquaintances you could take or leave at any time. I don't know any of my school friends anymore. They are part of a different life. Didn't someone say that variety is the spice of life?

Keep the faith onthepath - its a really sad thought to believe that you will never have a best friend again. Its also not true. It happened for me at the weirdest time with the weirdest person but he and I are inseperable now.