Ok, before I begin I just want to say this post can get kind of confusing, but I'll try to be as clear as I can. Let me just bring everyone up to date on the present situation...
A few months ago I started seeing this girl, she's actually my ex from like 5-6 years ago, but this shouldn't really matter, I'm 19 now, and back then we were young and nothing happened, and we haven't really talked since then. (I'm only mentioning this because I thought it was worth mentioning)
Anyway, out of the blue, a few months ago, she just sent me an SMS, wishing me happy b-day. (She had written the date down in some book)
After this we started communicating a little by text, and after a while both of us thought it would be a good idea to get togheter just to talk and stuff.
We decided she would come over to my place, wich was totally fine with me, because then I'd get some private quality time with her and there wouldn't be anyone else around.
So, the first thing I did after she had walked in my door was look at her and say hi in that "Long time, no see" way, then I hugged her, and she hugged me back.
We walked into the living room and sat down, and started talking.
The first thing she said was that she couldn't recognize me at first, and it looked like I'd been working out and stuff. So basically she was giving me compliments within the first 5 minutes.
So I was thinking her IL must be high, so throughout the evening I did a little kino, not alot, just the brushing kind.
There were some tension between us at first because both were nervous, but we just sat there talking till she had to go.
But I think that the first meeting went pretty good, and I decided to send her a goodnight text where I told her I was glad we met, and that I'd like to meet her again to get to know her better.
Her response to this was that she thought it was a bad idea and that we probably should just forget about everything.
Then I was like WTF, and I didn't contact her for 2 days, till she sent me a text telling me to ignore what she had written the other day.
I asked her what was up, and she told me that she thought I wanted something more than friendship, so she kinda freaked out after that first evening.
Then I explained to her I just wanted to establish a friendship, and then we would just have to see where that would take us...
Then she kinda calmed down and we arranged another meeting at my place again, where we basically just relaxed and watched a movie, like friends do.
Before the third meeting we had talked a little about relationships and stuff, and she told me that she functioned best in an open relationship with guys, and this wasn't meant spesifically for me, we were just discussing...
I'm not sure why she said this but I got the impression she had been hurt a lot before and just wanted to stay safe.
Anyway, the third time I went to her place to watch a movie and chill, and at the end of the movie she was getting tired.
She started looking for a pillow to relax her head on, and then I looked at her and just said that my lap could do the job.
And without hesitating for a second she put her head in my lap and was all cool about it, and then after a while I had to go... (I had decided to keep it cool, at a friendship level)
Now, don't get me wrong, this girl is hot, but I've had my share of casual sex, and if anything was going to happen with this girl I wanted it to be a little more serious that just casual...
The next time we met she came to my place, and she wanted to check out some shows on tv, and when I sat down next to her in the couch I was putting my arm up behind her on the couch-back to sit back and relax, and then she leaned into me, and I was like oooook what's happening here.
Then she looked at me and smiled and was like "You don't mind do you?" and I just smiled back and said no.
At this time I was confused, I was getting mixed signals, but I thought ok, sure, why not, friends can cuddle...
And we ended up cuddling till she had to leave, and before she walked out the door we stood there hugging really tight for like 5 minutes...
Then the next day I got a text where she asked if I'd be ok with her spending the night next weekend, because then I could hold her the whole night and she could fall asleep in my lap..
I spent the whole day thinking about it, and then later, in the evening I responded telling her sure, that'd be cool...
So the weekend came, and so did she, literally. (no details here)
We had just spent the whole evening cuddling, and we started making out, and one thing lead to another, I'm sure you all know the deal...
Anyway, the morning after I was like Ok, what's happening, with us? And she told me she wasn't sure, then I told her I didn't want her to feel she had to rush into anything because we had sex, I just knew I wanted to be real good friends before anything serious happened, and she agreed...
Now, the next time we met after this I told her about a few rules of mine, that I had a boundary between friendship and a relationship, wich was kissing, so I basically told her we couldn't kiss and stuff, because I had to have some sort of turning point to hold on to... And she was more or less ok with this, but she kept on cuddling with me, telling me friends can cuddle, although she respected what I had said..
But later that evening she tried to kiss me, but I just teased her, doing the whole "You want what you can't have" routine... And it friggin' drove her mad. (in a good way)
Now, the thing is, I could have this girl whenever or whereever I wanted, but I want something a little more serious with her than casual sex, and we talked about this, and both know we do have more than just friendly feelings for eachother, but this could be anything from physical attraction to maybe a few deeper feelings...
Now, this brings us up to date, sorry about the long prologue...
She was at my place today, as we just did what we always do, we just talked, had fun, did stuff togheter, and we ended up watching a movie, not on the tv, but on my computer, and we watched it from my bed...
We cuddled as usual, like friends.. and we ended up teasing eachother, and I wasn't gonna give her a kiss, because of my rule thing, but then she kinda talked me into it and hormones kicked in and stuff and it got a little crazy, and we would've gone all the way if it wasn't for her having to get up early the next day for work...
So here I am now, I feel kinda bad because I broke my own rule, and I'm not sure what this thing between me and her is... if it's a friendship with casual sex, or what...
I'm not sure what to do, I mean, I do want something serious with this girl if it feels right, but she's so damn hot so when she teases me It's hard to think straight...
I have a feeling she's using me (now that sounded weird!), but the thing is I think I'm developing feelings for her, and I don't want it to be just sex, and after a few months we'll get bored and break it all off, friendship wise too...
We get along really well, and it's not JUST physical, we do talk about deep stuff and have a connection between eachother, I mean, I could tell her all this but I'm afraid to really mess it up and if I told her both of us would prolly get too confused to know what to think...
Anyway, If you've read this far, I just want to thank you for your time, and any feedback and advice would be highly appreciated.
If you've got any questions please just ask, I know the post can be confusing and there's prolly lots of questions left unanswered, but I'm confused and tired...
A few months ago I started seeing this girl, she's actually my ex from like 5-6 years ago, but this shouldn't really matter, I'm 19 now, and back then we were young and nothing happened, and we haven't really talked since then. (I'm only mentioning this because I thought it was worth mentioning)
Anyway, out of the blue, a few months ago, she just sent me an SMS, wishing me happy b-day. (She had written the date down in some book)
After this we started communicating a little by text, and after a while both of us thought it would be a good idea to get togheter just to talk and stuff.
We decided she would come over to my place, wich was totally fine with me, because then I'd get some private quality time with her and there wouldn't be anyone else around.
So, the first thing I did after she had walked in my door was look at her and say hi in that "Long time, no see" way, then I hugged her, and she hugged me back.
We walked into the living room and sat down, and started talking.
The first thing she said was that she couldn't recognize me at first, and it looked like I'd been working out and stuff. So basically she was giving me compliments within the first 5 minutes.
So I was thinking her IL must be high, so throughout the evening I did a little kino, not alot, just the brushing kind.
There were some tension between us at first because both were nervous, but we just sat there talking till she had to go.
But I think that the first meeting went pretty good, and I decided to send her a goodnight text where I told her I was glad we met, and that I'd like to meet her again to get to know her better.
Her response to this was that she thought it was a bad idea and that we probably should just forget about everything.
Then I was like WTF, and I didn't contact her for 2 days, till she sent me a text telling me to ignore what she had written the other day.
I asked her what was up, and she told me that she thought I wanted something more than friendship, so she kinda freaked out after that first evening.
Then I explained to her I just wanted to establish a friendship, and then we would just have to see where that would take us...
Then she kinda calmed down and we arranged another meeting at my place again, where we basically just relaxed and watched a movie, like friends do.
Before the third meeting we had talked a little about relationships and stuff, and she told me that she functioned best in an open relationship with guys, and this wasn't meant spesifically for me, we were just discussing...
I'm not sure why she said this but I got the impression she had been hurt a lot before and just wanted to stay safe.
Anyway, the third time I went to her place to watch a movie and chill, and at the end of the movie she was getting tired.
She started looking for a pillow to relax her head on, and then I looked at her and just said that my lap could do the job.
And without hesitating for a second she put her head in my lap and was all cool about it, and then after a while I had to go... (I had decided to keep it cool, at a friendship level)
Now, don't get me wrong, this girl is hot, but I've had my share of casual sex, and if anything was going to happen with this girl I wanted it to be a little more serious that just casual...
The next time we met she came to my place, and she wanted to check out some shows on tv, and when I sat down next to her in the couch I was putting my arm up behind her on the couch-back to sit back and relax, and then she leaned into me, and I was like oooook what's happening here.
Then she looked at me and smiled and was like "You don't mind do you?" and I just smiled back and said no.
At this time I was confused, I was getting mixed signals, but I thought ok, sure, why not, friends can cuddle...
And we ended up cuddling till she had to leave, and before she walked out the door we stood there hugging really tight for like 5 minutes...
Then the next day I got a text where she asked if I'd be ok with her spending the night next weekend, because then I could hold her the whole night and she could fall asleep in my lap..
I spent the whole day thinking about it, and then later, in the evening I responded telling her sure, that'd be cool...
So the weekend came, and so did she, literally. (no details here)
We had just spent the whole evening cuddling, and we started making out, and one thing lead to another, I'm sure you all know the deal...
Anyway, the morning after I was like Ok, what's happening, with us? And she told me she wasn't sure, then I told her I didn't want her to feel she had to rush into anything because we had sex, I just knew I wanted to be real good friends before anything serious happened, and she agreed...
Now, the next time we met after this I told her about a few rules of mine, that I had a boundary between friendship and a relationship, wich was kissing, so I basically told her we couldn't kiss and stuff, because I had to have some sort of turning point to hold on to... And she was more or less ok with this, but she kept on cuddling with me, telling me friends can cuddle, although she respected what I had said..
But later that evening she tried to kiss me, but I just teased her, doing the whole "You want what you can't have" routine... And it friggin' drove her mad. (in a good way)
Now, the thing is, I could have this girl whenever or whereever I wanted, but I want something a little more serious with her than casual sex, and we talked about this, and both know we do have more than just friendly feelings for eachother, but this could be anything from physical attraction to maybe a few deeper feelings...
Now, this brings us up to date, sorry about the long prologue...
She was at my place today, as we just did what we always do, we just talked, had fun, did stuff togheter, and we ended up watching a movie, not on the tv, but on my computer, and we watched it from my bed...
We cuddled as usual, like friends.. and we ended up teasing eachother, and I wasn't gonna give her a kiss, because of my rule thing, but then she kinda talked me into it and hormones kicked in and stuff and it got a little crazy, and we would've gone all the way if it wasn't for her having to get up early the next day for work...
So here I am now, I feel kinda bad because I broke my own rule, and I'm not sure what this thing between me and her is... if it's a friendship with casual sex, or what...
I'm not sure what to do, I mean, I do want something serious with this girl if it feels right, but she's so damn hot so when she teases me It's hard to think straight...
I have a feeling she's using me (now that sounded weird!)
, but the thing is I think I'm developing feelings for her, and I don't want it to be just sex, and after a few months we'll get bored and break it all off, friendship wise too...We get along really well, and it's not JUST physical, we do talk about deep stuff and have a connection between eachother, I mean, I could tell her all this but I'm afraid to really mess it up and if I told her both of us would prolly get too confused to know what to think...
Anyway, If you've read this far, I just want to thank you for your time, and any feedback and advice would be highly appreciated.
If you've got any questions please just ask, I know the post can be confusing and there's prolly lots of questions left unanswered, but I'm confused and tired...
