I need help...

[tennessee_j]

i have been dating a girl for over a year. i proposed to her this last feb and we are on the outs as of a month ago. i know that i have been drunk for the majority of our relationship and that really turned her off. i know i cant just drink one drink so i am just not doing it at all. we got into it pretty bad to where i put her stuff on the curb and then she was going to move out but i love her so much that i didnt want her to leave so i asked her to stay and by staying, it would be in another room as my hopes and intentions were to win her back over with the changes (for the good) that i would be demonstrating. over the last 2 weeks, we have enjoyed each other's company and have kissed a few times, cuddled and relived what we had before i fell off of the sober wagon. now, things are different. she wants her space and said we need to build a better friendship and that our doors are not shut. she has been going out a lot lately, meeting new guys but claiming she is not wanting to date or see anyone and that she would tell me if she did as she is pretty straight forward. i don't want to put too much stress on the situation but i needed to find out if she even saw us to be an item in the future. we just got done talking about it and she said she doesnt believe so (so it is not a direct no but it also doesnt look too good). she asked why i wanted to be with her if we dont have a whole lot of things in common (which i beg to differ) and that she has anxiety and that she is also bi-polar. i love everything about her and don't want to move on and don't want to give up. i am so confused. if she needs a little space so i can build a little more credibility with her, so be it. but if she doesnt really see us to be more than just friends (even though she is not denying the fact that we could possibly get back together), i am not sure what to do or how to go about it. if anyone has any opinion on this, let me know. she is 35 and i am 28. the fact is that i do not want to find anyone else, i dont want to date, i just want to get back with her again because she truly brings out the best in me and i feel that i do the same with her.

 

[jophil28]

i know that i have been drunk for the majority of our relationship and that really turned her off.

Yep, that will usually do it.

Man, you need to get real, and get into AA quickly if your are serious about flying right. You needed to do this months ago - your alcoholism needs fixing .
If you genuinely are committed to this woman, then you have to put HER ahead of your compulsive desire for alcohol.

Do not wait another day hoping that you can find some other 'magic bullet' to turn her around . Make that call .
Good liuck.

 

[spanky]

Man, you need counseling or something. This site really isn't targeted at the type of relationship advice you are looking for. Common mistake.

 

[Interceptor]

YOU need conseling, and therapy and need to go to AA.
There really is NO magic pill or magic bullet here.

Get your SELF and your LIFE together. And LEARN how to be happy and healthy without a woman.

If she's not ready now, your insistance will only push her away more.

This is a oneitis scenario.
And you will NOT FIX IT by pressuring her to get back with you right now.
It's a very hard lesson to take.
But take it you must.

You need to build up your self esteem , and leanr to give up the NEED to have your Ego Validated by women or anything external.

 

[DJDamage]

You are the classy AFC prototype.

i proposed to her this last feb and we are on the outs as of a month ago.

This is a huge red flag telling you that you should probably let this one go. You can't go from marriage proprosal to being on the outs just like that, it doesn't work this way. You can't reverse this, trying to reverse this is like planting roses into a pile of sh1t and at the end of the day it won't smell like roses.

i know that i have been drunk for the majority of our relationship and that really turned her off.

Uncontrollable substance abuse is sad, what is sadder is that you couldn't quit and the only reason you are thinking about quitting is for HER! (as opposed to your own health) so if she wasn't there or dumped you then the deal is off??!!

we got into it pretty bad to where i put her stuff on the curb and then she was going to move out but i love her so much that i didnt want her to leave so i asked her to stay and by staying, it would be in another room as my hopes and intentions were to win her back over with the changes (for the good) that i would be demonstrating.

THIS IS ONEITIS right there. An unhealthy relationship justified by a continuation of this relationship because of the so called "LOVE". You are not in love, you are infatuated brain washed with media romanticism crap and like a drug addict you know she is bad for you but you hope to get your fix under control.

She wants her space and said we need to build a better friendship and that our doors are not shut. she has been going out a lot lately, meeting new guys but claiming she is not wanting to date or see anyone and that she would tell me if she did as she is pretty straight forward.

When a woman says she wants space it means " I don't want to be with you anymore". Now since she has essentially dumped you, she is going out and dating those men. What is the purpose of asking for space if not for seeing other people??? It doesn't make any sense.

i don't want to put too much stress on the situation but i needed to find out if she even saw us to be an item in the future. .

adding insults to injury....

we just got done talking about it and she said she doesnt believe so (so it is not a direct no but it also doesnt look too good). she asked why i wanted to be with her if we dont have a whole lot of things in common (which i beg to differ).

She has asked you for space and now she is telling you (not asking you) that she doesn't want to be with you in the future nor that two of you have anything in common. You can't get any more clear indication that this is OVER. The sooner you accept this the sooner it will be better for you.

she has anxiety and that she is also bi-polar.

She is crazy, she is doing you a favour. BP or BPD would make living with her seem like a living hell. Go read in greater details what those diseases do to the mind and to those around them.

i love everything about her and don't want to move on and don't want to give up.

You got oneitis and you are delusional.

she is 35 and i am 28.

On top of everything she is older then you by 7 years?? as I said before you are a classy AFC prototype

the fact is that i do not want to find anyone else, i dont want to date, i just want to get back with her again because she truly brings out the best in me and i feel that i do the same with her.

She is bringing out the worst in you. Only YOU can bring out the BEST out of you but you never have done so or tried too. GO READ THE DON JUAN BIBLE located at the bottom of your screen, 'cause you need some serious help.

 

[LoneSilver]

"Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes." -Carl Jung

LoneSilver