I need help, it's just not coming together

[Cloud-uk]

Yeah... no ****. I've been at this stuff for ages now, and I just can't seem to get it to come together.

This winds me up understandably, but I constantly feel like I'm saying "right- I'll start afresh and THIS TIME it has to work!". I'm getting to the stage where i'm at a bit of a loss.

I think I look good. I could be totally up **** creek on this one, but i think I do. I used to say that I'm confident, but how the hell can i be? How can I be confident in something i seem to have little profficiency in?! I just don't seem to be an attractive person!

I go to the gym 3 days a week, I work hard at college, I go out every weekend with my friends. I'm assertive, very vocal- and funny. These things I know, yet when i go to a party I may pull a girl or two, I laugh with my friends and have a good time, but when i get there it's not the "**** is that Alex? He's ****ing hot!" reaction I want it to be.

Come on, I'm nearing 18 and still a virgin- this is just getting bizzare. I know so many ugly afc guys that are getting some, this winds me up so much.

I've got to go back to basics. I'm going to post up some pictures of myself and I want everyone's honest opinion as to things that dont look good and so forth. I've also got to stop drinking untill I've sorted myself out.

I need so much help, I ****ing hate not the way I am, but the way I'm not what i should be. Just give me a shout back, any advice you can give from the above... to tell the truth this has been a ****ty post to write, I hope it marks the beginning of the end, hopefully of the beginning.

 

[DA KID]

Wow I was going to start an exact same thread as you were. Took the exact words out my mouth expect I'm going be 17 instead of 18. I think I need to rebuild my self too. I'll be honest and helpful with the pic. Crazy good luck with it. Sorry for the hijack here mine http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=8015957&Mytoken=20050219170053

 

[WesCottII]

I was in the same boat mate.

I am smarter, have better prospects and go to the gym 4 times a week, but it still aint working.
So i stopped caring. Women arn't the be all and end all (altough admitedly a big part). I work on my school work, i work on my body. I'm a "don juan" in front of women, but i don't activly chase them, I've shown them the goods, it's up to them to prove their worth to me, to chase me, they don't? their loss. And it works, hot babe in my history class i so into me.

My advice to you is, post your pics, let us advise you, but change for yourself, not for Hb's.

Good luck.

 

[WesCottII]

DA KID:

I can't really see that pic, and i don't really want to register. Is there any way you could re-post it?

From what i can see you look allright.

 

[DA KID]

I'm not really concern about my looks. Idk but for the past couple of weeks I've just been really depress and **** and had oneitis on a girl a tried to forget about it and move on and I have but I'm still depress. And sry for the hijack

 

[WesCottII]

Allright cheers.

Is there anyway you could lose the glasses? I realise contacts cost a bomb.

Your hair looks fine to me, i assume you're wearing a school uniform, but you should wear tight fitting clothes.

I can't really tell from that pic, but whats your physique like? chubby/fat/skinny?
Work that out then go to the gym accordingly.

 

[DA KID]

Without glasses on

http://img227.exs.cx/img227/4939/49923359l6mm.jpg
I workout reg for football but physique is still kind of chubby I have around 18-19% bf

 

[jiza101]

Wheres Cloud-UK's picture?

 

[Luscious]

Listen, this has been said time and time again on these forums:

Looks matter a LOT more to guys than to girls.

This is why you see ugly guys with attractive women - a woman's judgement of a man, although partially based on looks, is nowhere near as looks-based as a man's judgement of a woman.

You have to be horribly disfigured to not pull girls - and I get the feeling this is not your problem, Cloud.

Cloud, what you need to do is applaud yourself for the gym work and the studying on these forums - you do seem to know a good amount. However, when you have a poor self-image and you are so concerned of how women think of YOU, you need to make some changes.

When you are approaching a woman, you should NOT be concentrating on "do I look good for her?". Rather, appraise HER - does she look good enough for YOU?

I recently read a tip in the Tips forum, the author escapes me (it may have been trickynick or SedPDX), but it could work well here. Basically, imagine holding a potato chip between your teeth right now WITHOUT breaking it. In order to do this, your body is pretty relaxed, is it not? Now, when you approach a woman, just think about the chip, and let that relaxation work for you.

You *are* an attractive person (no, that's not a come-on, dammit). The problem is that you DON'T THINK SO. As long as you are not overweight or underweight to any crazy degree, your body will not be impairing your woman-pulling ability. What WILL impair your ability is this awful self-fulfilling prophecy junk you've got going on.

When you are talking to a woman, don't think of what NOT to say, or "How will she reject me" or "Why am I NOT getting to ____ stage with her"...try just relaxing the next few times you are with a woman, and just talk. Be relaxed, do NOT put any pressure on yourself to pick-up, and watch what happens.

It sounds like you are strung a little too tight and that you are a tad self-conscious. I would suggest loosening it up a bit when you talk with women, and just taking a step back the next few approaches and trying to remain relaxed, calm, and confident IN YOURSELF.

If a woman is talking to you, she is NOT repulsed by you. If you were 'unattractive', that woman would be gone VERY quickly. Women are carrying on conversations with you because you HAVE redeeming qualities and you KNOW what you are doing.

Have some confidence in yourself and relax a bit. My two cents.

 

[Cloud-uk]

Cheers guys,

Luscious, you're right, I look fine. Really, sounding like an arrogant prick here but I look in the mirror and think "damn!", because I'm pleased with myself.

You are totaly right about the difference in what guys and girl look for. Just for the joy of science it's because of male's enlarged left (parietal) lobe that we are better at visualisation and are more attracted to shapes and looks.

I'll post up the pictures in a second, but I would be suprised if someone pointed something out with disgust.

What I feel I lack is that "aura" of attractiveness. I feel this comes from getting everything right, being in the zone. I've seen guys with it, though very few, and they can walk into a room and turn heads. I've got a lot of respect for these guys, boys got game.

I've been having a think about how I feel about girls recently. You see, I used to be a serious AFC, and then i swung into being a bit of a jerk. Thing is, I feel that just not giving a **** about girls is great and everything, until you realise you're 18 and you could do with some.

Let me put it this way, if I was a shy little ***** of an 18 year old, who truthfully didn't give a rat's ass about girls, I wouldn't get any.

I think not giving a **** about whether a girl does or does not go for you is great as a maxim for getting over fear. But taken to it's logical conclusion it would mean that everyone would be celebate- if sex is held in such disregard.

Why can't being attractive be more of an active mindset? I don't think that any of you guys truely don't care about girls. To do so would be to defy our biology, or brains. I care about getting some, and saying that I don't care about any girl hasn't helped me so far.

What I think, in truth, is that you should approach a girl not with a "laiser faire" attitude of casual indifference, but with exactly that "pick-up attitude" that no one really seems to advocate around here. I'm going to experiment for the moment, but I know we can all agree that the focus should not be on myself, provided I am looking pretty good, and it shouldn't be on the importance, nay, essentiallity of getting somewhere with a girl. Instead, should it not be a focused idea of making the girl feel the way you want them to feel? Perhaps focusing on them is the way to go?

Anyway, pictures will be up in a second, cheers again for all the replies, but my problems have only just begun!

edit: DA KID, you look fine man, though we can't see what kind of bild you are from those pics. Still, I doubt it'll be anything that matters. What do you think about the above?