I Need advice on BPD/NPD ex and hoovering

[Chev.Chelios]

Not steal the OP's thunder, but Im in a hoover and wanted to get some input. My ex bpd best friend and I have gotten to be really close after my ex moved. Not in an intimate way, but just as friends. Her and my ex were very close friends for 15 years. I barely knew her or hung out, just random dinners with friends. More like the occasional acquaintance who also happened to hook my ex and I up. After my bpd ex moved, I told her all the trash my ex was talking about her, as she was being manipulated and conned just like I was into thinking she cared.

Once I revealed the trash talk to her, she cried and questioned their entire friendship. That knowing she is a narcissist, going NC is the greatest injury, as she doesn't want her having the satisfaction of knowing the truth. My ex didn't want me talking to her after she moved, which I didn't listen of course. The reason was her friend was the one who made me aware about her past, which in turn with research I found out she was a NPD PDP=cluster B. I saw a million red flags, but ignored them due to my friend hooking us up. But after hearing her side it all made sense. She was so loyal to my ex that it made me vomit. Its like the people who follow her, worship her. From what I've read, female BPD like to have their female friends be less attractive, so they can feel superior, have them feel privileged to have such a popular and attractive friend, feed her info on others, be there when she needs something. The term for these people are "flying monkeys".

The problem is, I was telling this girl everything about our relationship,secrets, my suffering, my std, therapy, the pain I'm in, ect. I asked her to promise to never tell anyone (stupid I know) so it doesn't potentially get leaked to my ex by telling her other friend who still talks to my ex. She is also moving back to our city and them two talk all the time. That girl is more brainwashed than the other one. She lent my ex a couple grand before she moved. My friend explained she has no plans to ever talk to my ex after all that happened.

I know my three years of knowing her aint gonna keep her mouth shut v my ex's 15 years. So the other day she texted me a motivation meme, I responded saying its hard to get over someone who loved you, but screwed your life up. She kept telling me I need to man up and being 5 months out I should be suffering anymore. The next morning, my ex texts me after 5 months, saying she is sorry and never meant to hurt me. Later I get a call from her friend asking how I was doing. Something was off in her voice, I could tell she may have gotten in touch with my ex and told her how much I was still suffering. I didn't respond to my ex, as I want nothing to do with her. On top of BPDs they love getting a reaction (supply) whether it be positive or negative, it doesn't matter. To them, if you respond, they know they still have control, makes them feel superior. They want to prevent you from moving on and staying under their clutches.

The next day, I hung out with her fiend for a little bit, she didn't mention my ex at all. She was acting weird, it's like I could feel her waiting for me to mention my ex texted me, as I would tell her EVERYTHING almost every time we hung out. I told myself to keep my mouth shut when I talked to her and play dumb.

Deep down I feel like I'm getting played. No way would my ex text after 5 months the day before talking to her friend about my suffering, then her friend calling later in the day after my ex texted. There is no way that would happen. She had to have been lying to me about talking to my ex. She broke her promise to me keeping my business to herself. Also, her saying she will never speak to my ex again, as I could really tell she never planned it. I have no idea what to do here. Deep down I should cut the friend off, as there will always be the potential for hearing about my ex or my personal business getting out. Thing is, I truly felt after all I told this girl my ex said about her, that she would never talk to my ex. My ex is a really good manipulator, so I would be surprised if she sucked her back in and is manipulating her to the bone. Part of me wants to call her friend out and let her know she lied to me, broke her promise. The ball is in my court here. What course of action would you all take? I went from giving great advice, to wasting my time writing this worthless post. Sorry to the OP for posting this here.

Again, same with my ex, same chit..
She has ugly fat friends.. any girl thats pretty she despises. NPD all the way

Same old answer, cut everything that has to do with her out of your life. Aggressively, these people arnt done until theyve killed you.

 

[stovepipe]

Hey stovepipe, why don't you start a new thread? You will get more and better quality responses that way.

I had a thread typed, but accidentally closed my window. I'll start a new thread after a throw her friend a carrot or two. Thanks Bradd!!

Cut the friend out of your life if your gut is telling you she's a spy. There is no such thing as a coincidence involving a BPD Ex and spies being involved. She will manipulate them as well as she did it to you. BPD's can leave a wide swath of damage behind them that also involve friends and family.

If you want to be more fact based before cutting the friend out, toss another carrot or two to the friend and see what happens. Another similar instance raises the odds over 50/50 it's going on. Three similar instances, and it becomes an undeniable fact.

Very wise words. What kind of carrot should I throw? Being an empath Im very good at reading people. Next time I see her I'll have my carrot ready and read her to see if in fact my gut is giving the same reading. I truly thought this friend would never talk to my ex again after all that I told her. Her telling me that chapter in her life is closed. Guess when you have 15 years with someone, its hard to break away even knowing what she knows.

Again, same with my ex, same chit..
She has ugly fat friends.. any girl thats pretty she despises. NPD all the way

Same old answer, cut everything that has to do with her out of your life. Aggressively, these people arnt done until theyve killed you.

Defiantly NPD. My ex was comorbid, battling two different personally disorders BPD & NPD. Most all her fiends overweight and unattractive lol. Got super jealous seeing me talk to attractive friends of mine.

 

[Chev.Chelios]

Yeah scratch that.. ended up pounding my ex for a couple hours just now.. I pounded er niceeee.. and hard, fml.....

 

[MrAddiction]

I truly thought this friend would never talk to my ex again after all that I told her. Her telling me that chapter in her life is closed. Guess when you have 15 years with someone

Guess what, i ber your ex will have told her, that all what you said to her friend was only a lie and badmouthing your ex. And wie all can imagine whom your friend will trust more.....you or your ex-girlfriend she knows for 15 years.
Yes, the few Girls she called friends were mostly fat and ugly. One was an exception and this girl that I never got to know personaly, was a blueprint of a textbook BPD. Water seeks its own level.
Who wonders that my ex did not find the actions of the textbook BPD very unnormal or immmoral. I blatantly told my ex that this Girl does have BPD. She nearly got into a rage on me for saying that by justifying the Friends behavior. After our breakup she once told me, she looked BPD up and at there might be something Wrong with her friend. But neither did she unfriend that Girl nor did she have any insight on herself.

 

[LTG71]

Have your cousin ask her what stuff she is looking for. Put that sh!t in a box and leave it on the porch or give it to your cousin to pass it along.

i know a chic like this and they are a royal pain in the a$$. I can see why they thought women were witches in the past and burned them at the stake. The emotional roller coaster makes you want to vomit. Love bomb you and then ten minutes later they are pissed for some trivial reason. Masters of gaslighting and manipulation. The NC takes away your supply which she badly needs. Write down a list of all the crazy sh!t you’ve had to deal with. When she tries to Hoover you back, read the list to remind yourself how much of a psycho she is. Don’t be a sucker. My bet is that your list of negatives will far surpass the positives. These types of people are damaged goods and no amount of your effort is going to change that. See how she tries to be “nice” to make sure ”you’re not mad?” Love bomb and Hoover 101. Keep up the NC and she will eventually find a new supplier.

Also, block her number and email on your phone. You are allowing her to continue to manipulate you. Block her a$$ like the extended car warranty chic that calls everyday.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Well since the above poster decided to bump a 5 year old thread, I'll chime in as well:

I just broke up with a cluster B type (probably NPD) and I blocked her on everything including my her number. There is zero reason to keep in touch with them. I really don't think some people understand that permanent ghosting isn't to punish her, but for yourself.