I have trouble making dates. how can I solve this?

wise_mage

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when I call a girl, I keep the convo to a minimum. slight initial chit chat and then to the point. most of the times I just tell tell them that perhaps they`d like to join me in hanging out while I wait for something or in doing something else as well (like I am going to do whatever Im going to do wether they come or not and Im just asking them to come along) etc.
anyway, the thing is, girls always cancel. they say they have to do something else or that they are busy or something like that.
it is very hard for me to actually get a date.
like this girl I met at the gym like 2 months ago or something.
well, I got her number that same day quite easily.
I called her once and she told me that her mom had told her she had stuff to do. ok. I say, well suggest another date then.
she says, `we`ll see, ok. I think to myself, "bullsh!t".
like a 2 weeks and a half go by or something and I run into her at the gym and shes like "why havent u called me?" (anyone get this behavior?) so blah bblah blah "lets get together for a coffee she says. so anyway, I call her and set up the day and shes like, I`ll call you back to know if I can, so Im like ok but I tell her that Im really taking into consideration wether she calls me or not.
so she calls me the next day and says she cant but that she does keep her promeses and blah blah blah. she says she has to go but that shell call me next day (friday) to talk some more. she doesnt call on friday, but she calls on monday. I wasnt home so they told me the next day. I called her and she was like oh I left early from school and had some time and blah blah. she says shes also out early on thursday so I tell her lets go out thursday. she says, Ill call you wedenesday to tell u the time my exam is over. she doesnt call, so I call thursday just before I leave for my afternoon classes and she says she has this back rubbing thing cause she has problems with her back or something. and Im like ok, but she says, u should go to my house on saturday to my brother`s party like in the afternoon. and thats where Im going tomorrow.
what do u think of this whole phenomenon?
this is a recent example but its like this with most girls. they are always saying, nope I have to do this, and oh I have to do that, and we`ll see ok and no I cant and blah blah blah.
what is wrong here? how do I help myself?
 

wise_mage

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I forgot to say that when she called monday she said "so is that proposition for coffee still open" I said , yeah sure.
wierd man, very weird what happens to me concerning dates and stuff.
 

Dust 2 Dust

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2 broken dates in a row=Next

Forget this girl. YOu've done more than enough.
 

MikeYikes122

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I know I have already responded to you, but your posts are kind of hitting home because I used to get treated like this.

Just get off this website man. Dump this D.J. crap. It's obviously not working for you, so try something new. I already told you try just being yourself. I'm no psychic, but I think all these D.J. moves are probably making you awkward and calculated. If you are a nice, sweet, funny guy, just start acting like it. Mature girls love sweetness. And most mature girls want more than anything a guy who can make them laugh on a day-to-day basis. And above all, mature girls want relationships like you do.

Just wait till your in college man. Your type will be a rare breed. Girls will flock around you because they are so sick of jerks. Just keep your head up man, and stay in there....
 

wise_mage

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Originally posted by MikeYikes122
I know I have already responded to you, but your posts are kind of hitting home because I used to get treated like this.

Just get off this website man. Dump this D.J. crap. It's obviously not working for you, so try something new. I already told you try just being yourself. I'm no psychic, but I think all these D.J. moves are probably making you awkward and calculated. If you are a nice, sweet, funny guy, just start acting like it. Mature girls love sweetness. And most mature girls want more than anything a guy who can make them laugh on a day-to-day basis. And above all, mature girls want relationships like you do.

Just wait till your in college man. Your type will be a rare breed. Girls will flock around you because they are so sick of jerks. Just keep your head up man, and stay in there....
u know mike, thats nice of u to say and all, but I dont buy a word of it. How could I leave this site if it has already helped me a lot? why, according to you, is this dj stuff not for me?
and college, ur kidding me, girls in college still look for jerks. they look for jerks till they are fat and old and need some nice guy to support them.
and its not like Im not being myself. I follow some guidelines but thats about it. I bend the rules pretty much how I see fit according to the situation.
like what should I have done in this situation according to you?
 

MikeYikes122

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Just do whatever works for you. If you think this site is helping you, fine. You got my twenty-five cents. You seem frustrated, and I know your feeling. I'm telling you what works for me.

As for your situation, I would have never been in it. The girl is obviously immature and crazy. But like that other guy said, she broke two dates with you, so I would have just forget about her.

And with the college girls you have no clue what you're talking about. Girls go through a lot their first year of college. Some of them just get wilder. Some of them get maturer. Regardless, all girls are going to eventually grow up and start to despise jerks. You'll see a trend when you get in college: girls are nuts for about the first three months, then they get sick of guys who just want to hook up with them.

Once again, I will reiterate my point. Just do what works for you. In my opinion this D.J. crap is not working for you, but if you think it is, fine. I'm just offering you advice....
 

Pecker

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MikeYikes, I don't think wise mage should leave this site.

This "dj crap" is like fire. It is a powerful tool to tame and use, but if you get careless or don't understand it, it will hurt you. I went through a phase mid senior year in high school where I thought I had to be a complete moron to get chicks. I got no chicks, due to the combined forces of bad skills and a static social hierarchy (I'd been goin to that school for four years, with many people I'd known nine or ten years.) Sadly, I also lost a good friend of mine because of what an idiot I was.

Lots of people go through this phase. They validate it by saying they don't want to be AFC, etc, but when he realizes it's unpleasant to constantly act like an as$hole, he will stop.

Wise mage, don't be a pr1ck. The truth is, YOU CANNOT LEARN HOW TO BE A JERK THAT GETS CHICKS!!! Jerks that get chicks act the way they do instinctively. If you try to replicate their behavior you'll do it poorly and ruin your chances with women. Be a Don Juan...which is something you CAN strive toward. A Don Juan isn't a jerk. People like the Don Juan. The DJ is not in any way related to the Jerk. Women may say things like "You're mean" to a DJ, just because the DJ is mean by comparisonin that it takes a little more to impress him, hence he doesn't kiss a$s like so many other guys.

Bottom line you won't get anything out of being a jerk, I promise you. If you are having success now...which I'm not sure about...just imagine the success you'll have if you be Don Juan.

Also, the Jerks are usually quite good looking. They get away with sh1t most others don't. My boss is 25 and he's the biggest Jerk in the world, and he gets no play.
 

-Zero_h0uR-

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Originally posted by MikeYikes122
Just wait till your in college man. Your type will be a rare breed. Girls will flock around you because they are so sick of jerks. Just keep your head up man, and stay in there....

GREAT ADVICE, you know... cause WAITING gets ALL THE CHICKS.

They look at you and are like "wow, he's waiting for college, MAN THAT MAKES ME WEAK IN THE KNEES."

What the F*CK kind of advice is this?

This is unfathomable.


-- Zero-
 

MikeYikes122

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No Zero, you completely misunderstood what I said. I don't mean don't talk to a single girl till college, I mean just anticipate college and be excited for it. It's a lot to look forward to.
 

OddTech

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You already know that she's a flaker and that's a red flag. Sooner or later, you'll be able to tell apart those girls who flake and those who are genuine.

What you're going through is simply the rule of the dating game, which is that you're bound to get some flakers (i.e., dating is a numbers game). Some girls are professional flirters. They want to flirt and get attention but not commit to dating.

I'm 26, so my patience with flakers is nill. What I do, and this may not be the best way in your situation, is to politely yet firmly say that you don't take this type of cr@p. Tell her that she has already lost a lot of credibility and trust. If she really wants to meet up with you, you'll demand that she put extra effort (pay for the ticket, buy lunch etc...). When I say things like this, they either 1) walk away or 2) they realized that I'm very serious and work extra hard to please me. Good luck man.
 

wise_mage

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well, I found out yesterday this girl has a boyfriend. I dont care though. to tell u the truth she has too many complications.
the boyfriend is a jerk. but suprisingly hes ugly.
the girl is no prize either, but it was good practice I guess.
and the day I told her about going for a ride with a bike, and she told me she didnt have one. well, yesterday she invited me to her house to her little sisters party and I got lost inside the house and came across a bike! amazing =) this girls have such a prize , a great catch in front of them and they pull that sh!t off.
its even funny. I have noticed a lot of u guys think I am going to keep pursuing this girls or something but man, I know tons of girls and get to know more every week. not even if they wanted me would I want them. let some other ass handle them and their sh!t. its not my style to keep chasing girls after things like this happen, thats very afc.
you are right, I am not having much sucess with women. beats me why though. I am great, smart, hot , talented and fun to be with. people respond very well to me in fact.
its just that with the sexual aspect of girls theres just something thats not working. Ill keep experimenting till I have the 411 on it.
the thing is, girls go for jerks, most girls I know go for guys who they feel mistreat them and stuff. and if I keep being as respectful of others (a quality I admire very much in mysefl) well then I probably can kiss pu$$y goodbye.
I really want to keep being myself. but its not working.
thing is I cant really be a jerk either. and I couldnt be an afc even if I tried. its not in me to worship girls or shower them with gifts or even fall in love like the afcs do. I might not be a dj. but I am not a jerk or an afc either. I am wise_mage and I am very damn proud of that.
I am friendly, funny, smart, I am percieved as confident. I know a lot of people and most of them have a good or at least normal opinion on me. a lot also have a great opinion of me.
I want to incorporate this dj u guys talk about into the complexity that already is wise_mage. he sounds like an awsome fella.
it seems I am making great progress in all areas in my life except women where either there is none or it is too slow for me to notice. I am confused about what to do about this women issue.
I havent had a girlfriend in 3 years so I reallt want to find a girl I can have a pleasent not too serious LTR so I can experience what its like to have a gf again. I barely remember to tell u the truth.
but my continoous attempts with a lot of different women have been unsuccessful. its hard for u to get an idea of what Im all about from a few lines here and there, but I honestly think that the error lies not within myself and the way I act but with the girls who are unable to see in me what I see in myself.
I think they dont really appreciate what a wonderful great person I am and above average looking as well =)
I on the other hand, am willing to tolerate stuff at times (not abuse like the afc but lack of physical attractiveness, familiy issues, behaviors I dont approve to other people, cause ewhen they do it to me well I call them on their sh!t and tell them dont like that but this rarely happens) I dont like from them focusing on the stuff I do like. I believe we should not attempt to change other people but reather accept them or reject them as they are instead of trying to fit them into a mold of what we want that person to be just so we can "accept them".
girls are very hard to please now a days. I guess they think nothing is ever good enough for them or something like that.
Im not sure of what to do. perhaps I get lucky this summer and I come across a girl who appreciattes me for the wise mage that I am.

what do u think about all of this?
 

Ser_i

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I think you need to re re re read what you just typed.

I'm fairly new to this place but I recognize things you've done that I used to do aswell,

you do say you are confident, and hot and all but do you REALY believe it ? or do you keep telling yourself you are ?

I'm not trying to offend you in anyway I'm just saying, don't put yourself under pressure, cause that's what you are doing to yourself (at least that's the impression I'm getting from reading your "synopsys"

so what you didn't have a girlfriend for 3 years... don't force it, cause girls are good at spotting things like that.

any girl refusing to go for a cup of coffee with you twice should be skipped, and you said she ain't the best looking out there. you can do better! you can always do better.

as you said, she acts interested when you see her, but when you call her she's allways bussy, and lame excuses like my mom told me I have stuff to do .. it's like ***** does it say moron on my head?

be honoust, be hard, tell her what you think about her on that moment, and she should find someone stupid enough to fall for her games.


-----

as to the girls always want jerks thingie...

you are destroying your image of a woman, and are immidieatly associating them with a negative thought, which on its turn reflects on your body language and your behaviour every time the oppertunity comes again where you are trying to arrange a date.

they'll notice, and you'll only be making it harder onyourself.

-----

advise for that girl in the gym, keep conversations verry short. don't talk to much, or just walk out suddenly while in the middel of a conversation. suprise her, and don't do the things she expects you to do. be nice once, then be blunt, then be normal, be bad against her, then just turn back to acting normal against her. never do what she expects.
 

am4591

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I have to disagree about the "keep the conversations short" business. Some guys can do this and get right to the point but it doesn't seem to be working for you. Maybe if you talked to them more, build a rapport with them first before you try to set up anything....
 

wise_mage

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f*ck the girl in the gym.

what is this thing u say about destroying my image of a woman?
Im just talking about what I see happen in the real world.

I do believe it and keep telling myself as well.

also, ur kinda new, and everyone has their opinions on this subject, but I believe that the one who cares least wins.
If I expressed such emtion as in "***** does it say moron on my head? " it would show that I was emotionally moved by her refusal to go out with me. the thing is Im too cool to even care about it. it doesnt come off as an act since I really dont care about it, cause she is one in billions of chicks out there.
u have to remember that I had already nexted this chick from the first phonecall, but when I saw her at they gym she gave me mixed signals. thats it.

by the way, what pressure are u talking about?

if I havent had a gf in 3 years its because I rejected several girls, several girls rejected me and thats it. nothing more to it.
Idont care about the past nor dwell on it, but I think its time for an LTR.
 
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