I finally got a girl, I dont' want to screw things up

[skinnydart]

I finally met a girl where there is a mutual interest. All the other girls I didn't have that much in common with or were just boring, so I never got past the 3rd date before I just stopped calling on them.

Right now my girl has a really high IL, and lets it be known quite easily, from constant txt messages saying stuff like "have a nice day" and telling every girl she knows about me. All of the sudden I have these random (mostly hot) girls coming up to me and saying "are you <firstname>? ... O, I'm sara's roomate, I've heard a lot about you". Dang, one more hot girl I can't hit on.

She posts stuff on her xanga saying like "I had the best time... I haven't felt this way in a while... he is so cute... I love every min we spend together..."

We've gone out about 5 times, the last time spending a day on the Blue Ridge Parkway, picnic and then a hike, most of which was spent with our arms around eachother sitting on a rock or holding hands.

She has asked me out (or hinted at it) the last 3 times, she's the one inniciating the calls/instant messages.

So what's the problem you ask?

We end up talking to eachother once a day, whether it be online, in person, on on the phone, sometimes once every other day, but i'm not the one inniciating it. I know this can be dangerous but I don't know if I should just stop my part of the inniciating, letting her be the only one to create any type of contact or just start rejecting some of her's, like not calling her back, etc, but still calling her to set up dates and stuff, both of those would risk the IL level present I'm assuming though. I've never gotten this far with a girl and don't want to screw things up, just by trying to fit into some mold someone else has set (dj bible) the rules of which may have to be bent for each individual girl.

I'm still a complete mystery to her, she says herself that she doesn't really know that much about me (maybe because she doens't ask) but I know like everything about her, including the things in her past that she hasn't told many people. (i.e. sexual abuse by family members, having to have other gaurdians, girl's homes, her fears, etc...)

Although I am a mystery, I'm afraid I'm being to predicable, being on a college campus with a short time window between work and her curfew, and with her suggesting most of the dates it doesn't really leave much time to grab her and do something totally crazy. I'm a really calm collected person and usually we both like just hiking or walking or something, all of which could be concidered "boring". None of us are into any sports either.

 

[Mortukai]

First, it's not "inniciating", it's "initiating".

Why can't you hit on her friends? Wtf is wrong with you? They are hot! Hit on them like crazy! (and when I say "hit on them", I mean like a DJ would, by using kino and **** and then ignoring them and repeating, and playing on their jealousy etc)

But dude, it's pretty damn clear that you are her puppy. She calls you "cute", and she is in full control of what happens in the relationship. Try this: next time she suggests something, just say "nope, I'm busy". Back off from her, because you are getting much too emotionally involved. Show her that you would poke her friends in a heartbeat in she doesn't try to keep you. Then make it very hard for her to keep you because you are too busy doing other things. Become scarce. Get your control back.

Play your cards right, and you could end up fvcking her, AND a few of her hot friends (no at the same time though ).

 

[spider_007]

He is partially right. There is a difference between a gurll who calls you because she really really likes you and a gurl who is trying to control you, she doesn't seam like a controling type, BUT, you would know that best.

second thing that just stuck out like a soar tumb is; "We've gone out about 5 times......" I'd say it's about time you moved in for that kiss. Don't wait too too long or otherwise she might think you just like her as a friend.

 

[assasin]

You're probably overanalysing and it sounds like you're doing great

But her past raises a red flag to me. If she hasn't been able to get over these issues you need to watch out for them impacting your life.

Being DJ isn't about banging every girl you come across. It's about being in control of your own situation.

AFC's chase women, whether succesfully or not. DJ's let women come to them!

 

[Luveno]

Ever notice that when dogs attack people, they go for the scared ones first?

Women smell fear. Instead of worrying about screwing it up, revel in the fact that she's yours now, and enjoy yourself.

 

[Rondavu]

Ya, your problem is obviously that your emotionally attached too soon. You haven't known each other long enough for you to allow yourself to be caught up in longing thoughts for her company. I used to have that problem. Every girl that you have a good time with when you first meet her can seem like "The One". The problem is women never committ themselves as much as they project. Your allowing your actual mental committment to match her projection of committment to you.

Tell yourself this is a person your going to have a good time with for now, with no guarantees or expectations, and you'll do your best.

 

[skinnydart]

First, it's not "inniciating", it's "initiating".

quote: "Show her that you would poke her friends in a heartbeat in she doesn't try to keep you."

First, it's not in it's if.

He is partially right. There is a difference between a gurll who calls you because she really really likes you and a gurl who is trying to control you, she doesn't seam like a controling type, BUT, you would know that best.

She only calls me because she likes me, she is in no way trying to control me. Like she might say something like "man, it's such a nice day, I ask my sister if she wanted to go on a picnic but she wanted to hang with her bf". Then later she admits she was hinting that we should go on a picnic. That isn't trying to control, neither is "hope ur having a nice day" txt message. I still feel completely in control when it comes to that.

We've gone out about 5 times......" I'd say it's about time you moved in for that kiss. Don't wait too too long or otherwise she might think you just like her as a friend.

Well i go to a Christian university where kissing is a finable offence, resulting a fine of $70. People still do it but it's not as common and something I'd get slapped for if tried too soon. Because most people here aren't having sex before marrige, kissing kinda takes that place, if that makes any sense. I'm not looking to bang this girl, i'm looking for an ltr. She doesn't think of me as a friend, we've already talked about that kindof. There is tons of kino, holding hands, hugging, stuff like that, all of which she wouldn't do with a guy friend.

But her past raises a red flag to me. If she hasn't been able to get over these issues you need to watch out for them impacting your life.

Good point to bring up and one that I thought about as well, but no, she has gotten over them, but as we get to know eachother it's immpossible for them not to come up. I mean seeing that she hasn't lived at home since like age 4, her past always involves some of that story.

Ya, your problem is obviously that your emotionally attached too soon. You haven't known each other long enough for you to allow yourself to be caught up in longing thoughts for her company. I used to have that problem. Every girl that you have a good time with when you first meet her can seem like "The One". The problem is women never committ themselves as much as they project. Your allowing your actual mental committment to match her projection of committment to you.

True, but I don't concider myself emotionally attached to her. I kinda like her and don't want to do anything stupid seeing that I've never been here before, but the paragraph above kinda decribes her, she's the one that's contantly wanting to spend time with me and seems already "smitten" with me as some of her friends on her xanga already commented.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Quit the "I'm a mystery" crap!! If you have the girl do something about it!! Quit talking on the phone and IM'ing - only talk/see her in person!!!

The man should take the lead and not the woman - remember men are leaders and woman are cheer-leaders!!!!!!!!

 

[thecraftylefty]

Assasin is pretty on with his advice.

From reading about your situation it appears that you're relatively young and this could be your first relationship. If it is, as I suspect, then I already know what you're thinking because I've been there.

The thing is though, you're placing too much emphasis on this one girl. No matter how much you think of her now, you shouldn't focus on your every single move with her. This isn't chess, this is dating. The harder you make it out to be the more you'll think about it and how to fix and make better (yet actually destroy) whatever you have now. So just relax and stop putting pressure on yourself. Have fun and stop worrying. If it doesn't work out and least you didn't waste time that you could be spending on something else, like meeting new girls.


thecraftylefty

 

[Julian]

Just go with the flow dont try to break this down. you are already over analyzing.

The best advice i can give you is to get her into your bedroom and bang the **** out of this chick.

ALPHA OUT-

 

[skinnydart]

From reading about your situation it appears that you're relatively young and this could be your first relationship.

Yes, it is. As I said this is the farthest I've ever gotten with a girl and just don't want to do something totally stupid.

 

[penkitten]

stop worrying so much.
or you will end up doing something silly based on over analysizing things .

 

[HHloser2]

Hey post her Xanga ?