"I don't want a relationship right now"

[EdHunter]

Hey guys...I have a question about how to handle the good ol' "I'm not interested in a relationship right now" line...Pook et al. say it's just an interesting variant on "No," but I wanted to see what y'all thought about this situation.

BACKGROUND: I had a thing on this girl in 8th grade, and it eventually wore off more or less...we haven't seen each other much since then, but a few weeks ago I asked her on a date---she had high IOL, etc. The date was just about an hour at a coffee shop, we chatted, I got a little bit of kino in, and it was pretty fun. We've talked a bit since then, etc. Then, on Wednesday morning, we were studying for a quiz before classes started, and, during the convo, I asked if she wanted to go out again sometime. She blushed, shrugged, and said "Well, yeah." I couldn't tell if she was not interested, embarrased, surprised, or some combination---and my gut was at a loss as well. Anyway, that night, we have the following AIM convo (comments in italics)

CGord6: Have fun yoga-ing? (Note---we'd seen each other doing yoga after school...it's a way that you can make up a period of gym if you miss one
hb: haha, as always
hb: i was gonna write on ur wall that real men do yoga. way to rock.
CGord6: Thanks...I don't do it as much as I should, but it's actually a really good workout.
CGord6: Before I ever did it, I was all like, "Oh, what little girly men do yoga"
CGord6: Damn was I wrong
hb: HAH
hb: yeeeeeah
CGord6: Hey, so what are you doing this weekend?
Long pause
hb: a lot
hb: unfortunatly
CGord6: lol...yeah, I have like four AP tests...
hb: yeah
hb: we can go for coffee or whatever sometime, but i should warn you that i'm in no position to consider a relationship with anyone
hb: i was sort of seeing that guy from wilton, (another schoo)lbut i even told him that i just can't handle being with anyone right now, i just wanted to let you know I assume this is true---she deleted this guy's posts from her wall on facebook
CGord6: Who mentioned a relationship?
hb: im just saying
hb: i dont ever want to be mean in any way, including being false about stuff like that Oh really, dear? then why does your facebook "looking for" include "A Relationship?" Tsk tsk
CGord6: God, I wish there were more people like that.
hb: haha, thanks

I said a few things about the physics quiz...waited for a response, got none, said I was going to bed, she said, "cya tommorrow, have a good night."
When I saw her in school the next coupla days, we had some good conversation, although she did seem a little more stressed (but I still got some decent IoLs).

So what do you think? I've already moved past her in my mind, but I was wondering what I should do next...I would like to try at something with her, but I can give a damn if it doesn't work out.

 

[aussiegoat55]

Hey guys...I have a question about how to handle the good ol' "I'm not interested in a relationship right now" line...Pook et al. say it's just an interesting variant on "No," but I wanted to see what y'all thought about this situation.

BACKGROUND: I had a thing on this girl in 8th grade, and it eventually wore off more or less...we haven't seen each other much since then, but a few weeks ago I asked her on a date---she had high IOL, etc. The date was just about an hour at a coffee shop, we chatted, I got a little bit of kino in, and it was pretty fun. We've talked a bit since then, etc. Then, on Wednesday morning, we were studying for a quiz before classes started, and, during the convo, I asked if she wanted to go out again sometime. She blushed, shrugged, and said "Well, yeah." I couldn't tell if she was not interested, embarrased, surprised, or some combination---and my gut was at a loss as well. Anyway, that night, we have the following AIM convo (comments in italics)

CGord6: Have fun yoga-ing? (Note---we'd seen each other doing yoga after school...it's a way that you can make up a period of gym if you miss one
hb: haha, as always
hb: i was gonna write on ur wall that real men do yoga. way to rock.
CGord6: Thanks...I don't do it as much as I should, but it's actually a really good workout.
CGord6: Before I ever did it, I was all like, "Oh, what little girly men do yoga"
CGord6: Damn was I wrong
hb: HAH
hb: yeeeeeah
CGord6: Hey, so what are you doing this weekend?
Long pause
hb: a lot
hb: unfortunatly
CGord6: lol...yeah, I have like four AP tests...
hb: yeah
hb: we can go for coffee or whatever sometime, but i should warn you that i'm in no position to consider a relationship with anyone
hb: i was sort of seeing that guy from wilton, (another schoo)lbut i even told him that i just can't handle being with anyone right now, i just wanted to let you know I assume this is true---she deleted this guy's posts from her wall on facebook
CGord6: Who mentioned a relationship?
hb: im just saying
hb: i dont ever want to be mean in any way, including being false about stuff like that Oh really, dear? then why does your facebook "looking for" include "A Relationship?" Tsk tsk
CGord6: God, I wish there were more people like that.
hb: haha, thanks

I said a few things about the physics quiz...waited for a response, got none, said I was going to bed, she said, "cya tommorrow, have a good night."
When I saw her in school the next coupla days, we had some good conversation, although she did seem a little more stressed (but I still got some decent IoLs).

So what do you think? I've already moved past her in my mind, but I was wondering what I should do next...I would like to try at something with her, but I can give a damn if it doesn't work out.

If you can create a deep gut level attraction, quoting David DeAngelo, then she'll most likely change her mind. Get some coffee with her.

 

[IceCream]

She doesn't seem too interested. You should stop wasting time on her and go for a better chick.

 

[comic_relief]

She doesn't seem too interested. You should stop wasting time on her and go for a better chick.

agreed,

"I don't want a relationship right now." = "I don't want a relationship with you"

basic female-ese speak to make you feel good about yourself. I shoot those phrases out at females all the time if I am not interested.

comic_relief

 

[Microphone Fiend]

on the contrary I say.


When a women says "Im not gonna have sex with you" I take it to mean: "Im thinking about sex already and you havent proven yourself yet..."

Like the OP said, "Who said anything about a relationship?" Stay in there and keep having a good time. Dont bring up relationships, dont get lovey dovey either. Stay platonic but with sexual/dating undertones. She might get confused and/or see what she is missing out on. Dont put all your eggs in this basket though...

 

[EdHunter]

Hey guys, thanks for your input. Basically, the tactic I've been taking was summed up well in Microphone Fiend's post, in terms of my attitude. We haven't talked much this week cause everybody's busy doing AP exams and stuff, so I haven't had the opportunity to act AFCish, even if I wanted to. I'm not very invested in this girl, so I figure I'll keep this on the backburner and maybe try a move next week-ish. I don't really have anything to lose, and worst case scenario, it'll be a learning experience for future, more important endevaours (sic).
Cheers,
Ed

 

[GaryUranga]

Ok it might be true, but is shes using logic on this its because she isnt feeling much attraction, you gotta make her emotions take over, emotions > logic

 

[EdHunter]

Right...so, what is the best way to create that sort of gut level attraction in a case like this...right now, I'm de facto playing hard to get, but only until my week from hell (AP testing) is over...
Although I've been noticing less interest the couple times I passed her today, and so I obviously don't have high interest...as I said, I don't really care about this that much, but I'd still like to take a shot at it...any more thoughts?

 

[GaryUranga]

well, raise your value, I mpretty sure you already know how to do that, talk to other girls, make yourself busy, negs, C+F all that stuff

 

[EdHunter]

Yeah...guess that was a bit of an obvious question...and yeah, I am doing all of that stuff pretty well...unfortunately I don't get a lot of chances to kino, but I take 'em when I can...I'll just do the normal stuff and see what happens.