I concede this may be a psychological problem

[NeedToImprove]

as a 39 year old virgin (i had gf and girls i've met but everytime i couldnt do it, i was petrified, blocked everytime. , its hard for me to cope with this situation. i have a pissy vibe about me as someone said, a sad and opressed expression in all my photos. i dont even know how to smile, i cant look people in the eye because i look at the floor every time, i dont have good posture, i dont walk with my head straight i dont even know if women find me attractive or not, i think not because if they did, they wouldnt check my profile on dating sites and block me after viewing my pics.

on sluthate they rate me as a 5/10 incel who was a 3 subhuman before the surgeries, with potential to be a 6 . but you cant trust those guys.

one women i talked today online said the pics below show an attractive guy who shows no emotions, facial expressions, like there is something missing. she said these look like pics of someone who is going to prison. yes she was that harsh and i felt hummiliated because i thought they were ok. im not a photogenic guy to be honest, i dont look good on pics.

http://i1188.photobucket.com/albums/z416/Picollo30/ddddd.png
http://i1188.photobucket.com/albums/z416/Picollo30/cccc.png
http://i1188.photobucket.com/albums/z416/Picollo30/aaaa.png
http://i1188.photobucket.com/albums/z416/Picollo30/example pic.png


im bald and old, i dont know what i can do if anything at this age. im tired of surgeries, they didnt help **** as i get rejected countless times. if i shave my hair i will look like ****in gandi or a cancer patient, i ve tried it. i look out shape or is the idea i give out maybe. i dont go out anymore, my friends all have g/fs so the group disbanded. i just have my work to make alive.

i think about the ****ty adolescence i had, that maybe ****ed me up forever, and what could have been a normal life. a shrink can help me, i can go to one, but i doubt it will bring me what ive missed and the joy to live.

 

[guru1000]

Yes, experiences shape who you are today. You are in negative self-defeating infinite loop of deleterious thinking. You need to break out of the shell with physiological, not physical, change.

I'm going to venture to guess that you have low testosterone levels. I'm not going to delineate my reasons, but I think you might have a life-changing experience if you were to visit a HRT doctor, get tested, and if my assumption is correct, get on testosterone injections. This is my hunch. Try it.

 

[NeedToImprove]

Yes, experiences shape who you are today. You are in negative self-defeating infinite loop of deleterious thinking. You need to break out of the shell with physiological, not physical, change.

I'm going to venture to guess that you have low testosterone levels. I'm not going to delineate my reasons, but I think you might have a life-changing experience if you were to visit a HRT doctor, get tested, and if my assumption is correct, get on testosterone injections. This is my hunch. Try it.

why do you say that?

 

[guru1000]

Let's just say I know a couple people with BDD, who "snapped" out of it with T injections. All the positive, therapeutical talk in the world will do nothing for you if your physiology is not optimal, or out of whack, which I presume, with your thinking and life experience, it is.

Seek an HRT doctor. Take a blood test; you have nothing to lose.

 

[foreverAFC]

you sound pretty desperate there, but you still arent willing to hit the gym, the one thing that can actually change how you look

 

[Harry Wilmington]

It's sad that you're your own blocker. Reality check: you're not a bad-looking guy; like the woman said, though, your face gives off a look like something is missing. And that missing thing is confidence. You'd be good to give yourself a makeover. No, I'm not talking about surgeries; just simple things to give you a more definitive swag.

My suggestions are: (1) go bald, but keep the beard. It's a good look for you, and the balance of no hair on top/facial hair on face will attract women. (2). Get a beard coloring kit and make your beard all the same color - less color patches, and the continuity of it will make the hair on your face stand out. (3) It looks like you have braces or something in your teeth? Or maybe a retainer? If so, maybe try not to show those in pictures. You can find ways to smile without showing them off; or, you could have a semi-serious smirk on your face without showing off... whatever those things are.

Beyond that... in reference to the sex thing, a few things:

1. If you've gotten close to having sex before, it means women find you attractive enough to bed.
2. If you're worried about possibly being bad at sex, guess what? You WILL be - but not because you're inexperienced. No, it's because anytime you have sex with a new person, that first time is usually going to just be okay because, although you have an idea of what SHOULD turn them on, you're only going to get a fraction of it right... BUT it gets better the more you learn their bodies. And women KNOW this.
3. To point 2: the emotional aspect of how a woman feels about you will usually allow her to forgive any sexual misgivings on your part, IF you've built that part up sufficiently enough before having sex. So, again, even if it's not mind-blowing, her feelings for you can still make it a pleasurable experience for her - one that she knows will get better over time.

That's all I got for now - hope this helps a bit!

 

[Genos]

Some very quick, general advice:

1. Sleep at least 7 hours every night, preferably 8
2. Go to the Gym
3. Don't eat garbage food, eat well
4. Stop masturbating/looking at porn for at least 90 days
5. Read a book - any book, doesn't matter - each day
6. Before you start your day, meditate for 10-20 mins

I guarantee if you do these things, you will see immediate improvements.

Life awaits. It's never too late to change. Live everyday thinking positive. A year of positive thinking is worth more than 5 filled with negativity. Go out and do whatever you've always wanted try

 

[mangotot]

Bro you are a good looking guy. That chin on yours is handsome and stone as fvck. Shave your head and you are ready to go. If you can sort out tht demons in your head that is.

 

[Tictac]

You do not and never did need surgery.
You almost certainly do not need testosterone replacement meds.
You do not need amateurs here giving you advice.
You do not need others (like sluthate) telling you who you are.
You are not old.
You are not defined or obliged to accept your past as defining either your present or your future.
You make excuse after excuse as to why you cannot connect with women.
Typing here is doing nothing more than your attempt to reinforce your errant self-image.
You have locked yourself into an errant self-image and will not take the most logical step out of it - psychotherapy.

 

[guru1000]

This is your sixth thread about this subject. You even undergone multiple facial surgeries to treat a non-existent problem (your physicality was never the reason for your incel-ity). How many more years do you wish to battle BDD? When will the bleeding end?

Do not listen to the above poster regarding T (his other advice is good), as he has absolutely no knowledge regarding BDD and suggests a prescription based on ignorance, not experiential knowledge. Major symptom of BDD is a compromised physiology.

BDD is a serious psychological disorder. "Sage" advice alone cannot fix a sick mind; only action toward the symptoms. It is evident you will continue this vicious cycle unless you change your thinking patterns. You do need psychotherapy; that's a given, but you also need to address the underlying symptoms. Get the blood test I described above. If you are charged for the blood test, and need assistance, I will help you. Just do it, now.

 

[LondonTowers]

I agree with guru1000 with regards to getting your T levels checked. At 39 you should do this regardless but with your history of depressive thinking / BDD you have an even more pressing reason to have it looked at. Testosterone is the fundamental hormone to a males wellbeing. If it is compromised, then so will your state of mind. You need to treat your problem physiologically and psychologically. So clean diet, gym and full blood work then psychotherapy and meditation. Get your mind/body healthy and by 45 you could have the life you dream about but carry on this tortured delusion of surgery and impaired self esteem issues you will be in same spot but older. It is your choice but there is only one route that we all here are trying to get you to take.

 

[Skyline]

Guys rating other guys...

That's kind of gay man. It's one thing to be like "oh he's a good looking dude" but to sit there and analyze a dude is not something a straight guy would do...

Anyway, you can't trust others views on your looks. Why? Because your personal taste in what you define as attractive can make you think you're unattractive when you could actually BE attractive to a select group of females. Think about it. It would be kind of weird if we found ourselves attractive, you would probably be a narcissist. I can't say I'm attractive, because I'm not gay or a narcissist, but I can say I love myself and still improve myself regardless of what me or others think. My looks are not stopping me.

We can't attract every woman out there buddy, even Ryan Gosling has his limits. Everyone has their preferences. The best you can do is what others have already said; dress well, work out, groom yourself, fix your posture, eye contact, voice tone, etc...

Maybe even get that blood test for T levels as well. You're almost 40 man... It could be something out of your control and you don't even know it.

 

[NeedToImprove]

Guys rating other guys...

That's kind of gay man. It's one thing to be like "oh he's a good looking dude" but to sit there and analyze a dude is not something a straight guy would do...

Anyway, you can't trust others views on your looks. Why? Because your personal taste in what you define as attractive can make you think you're unattractive when you could actually BE attractive to a select group of females. Think about it. It would be kind of weird if we found ourselves attractive, you would probably be a narcissist. I can't say I'm attractive, because I'm not gay or a narcissist, but I can say I love myself and still improve myself regardless of what me or others think. My looks are not stopping me.

We can't attract every woman out there buddy, even Ryan Gosling has his limits. Everyone has their preferences. The best you can do is what others have already said; dress well, work out, groom yourself, fix your posture, eye contact, voice tone, etc...

Maybe even get that blood test for T levels as well. You're almost 40 man... It could be something out of your control and you don't even know it.

frayzer no one here rated me, it was on sluthate. people there told me i was a bald potato-faced cell and it was all over for me, i was rated from a subhuman 3/10 to a 5.5/6 /10 beta provider.

very depressing site by the way.

 

[Anargyros]

You do not and never did need surgery.
You almost certainly do not need testosterone replacement meds.
You do not need amateurs here giving you advice.
You do not need others (like sluthate) telling you who you are.
You are not old.
You are not defined or obliged to accept your past as defining either your present or your future.
You make excuse after excuse as to why you cannot connect with women.
Typing here is doing nothing more than your attempt to reinforce your errant self-image.
You have locked yourself into an errant self-image and will not take the most logical step out of it - psychotherapy.

This

 

[logicallefty]

I'm going to add to those who say you aren't an ugly dude. Everything else I might add has already been said. Get out there and grab the world by the balls. Listen to the things you are told here and you will be out of your slump in no time.

 

[Bible_Belt]

you sound pretty desperate there, but you still arent willing to hit the gym, the one thing that can actually change how you look

Of course not, that might get in the way of his self-sabotaging. He's also not going to do anything like go volunteer at an animal shelter and talk to girls there, because that would be setting himself up for success instead of failure.

OP if you're not photogenic, why are you so focused on online dating? The answer is that you are setting yourself up for failure. You're so convinced that's what you deserve that you're never going to let yourself have anything else.

The doctors are going to want to put you on anti-depressants. I'm not a fan of them; I think most people here are not. No one wants you to be depressed, but pills are not going to fix your issues, which are related to your own poor self-image.