I can't stop procrastinating going after the women I really want

[bigdave17]

Here's my basic problem - I convinced myself a long time that dating is insanely hard and that women are impossibly unreasonable

Now when it comes to actually going after the women I want, I never feel like what I have is enough. I constantly procrastinate - I feel like I have to massively improve myself, get way better looking (Even though I already am good looking), get way more ripped and muscular, get way more successful (even though I'm already in top 1% of men my age for income), be way more interesting, have a better lifestyle, etc... etc... etc...

It's just never enough. In my mind, I have to be beyond impossibly perfect to get a decent 7/10 GF. How can I stop this nonsense?

I am so sick and tired of being permanently single. I saw this super cute girl today at my gym who I met 8 years ago and I couldn't make myself start a conversation with her. It's so frustrating. I guess I feel like, subconsciously, I don't deserve to have a dating life. It's some kind of very intense anxiety.

 

[Roober]

Think about this... you will only regret the women you didn't approach, not the ones you did. Getting turned down can actually be fun because you can at least say you tried! Are you a quitter, or do you try to succeed?

 

[bigdave17]

Think about this... you will only regret the women you didn't approach, not the ones you did. Getting turned down can actually be fun because you can at least say you tried! Are you a quitter, or do you try to succeed?

in my mind it's not even worth trying because I feel like it's impossible

 

[Roober]

in my mind it's not even worth trying because I feel like it's impossible

So your a quitter... That's too bad.

Time to find somewhere else to ramble on, SS doesn't need quitters

 

[mellow_yellow]

I know how angry, frustrated, aggravated, and agitated you're feeling. I was in this dark mental state for a very long time after I kept getting rejected and flaked on despite trying to be a cool guy. It was like no matter what I did, it didn't matter. I entered this dark mental frame after I spent a lot of time improving my social skills and trying to improve my SMV. When you put in a lot of effort to improve and achieve what you have only to get little to no results, you can blow a fuse. I certainly did. But you gotta keep your cool, suspend your emotions, take some rest, reassess, then keep going.

The dating game is definitely trickier than just having looks, status, and money in place -- outer game. The other significant aspect is inner game, which houses traits such as mental strength, self-assurance, and inner peace. Achieving both things is a challenge. I think you got the outer game part down, but your mind is self-imploding from all the frustration and negative ideas you're reinforcing (e.g. "I don't deserve to have a dating life") in your head based on the negative experiences you've had so far. We all have mental models on how we think the world works, but it changes as we gain new experiences. If you get enough negative experiences, your model shifts for the worse as you start to connect the negative results you've been getting to the negative model you're starting to create. In the case of dating, you're taking the failures, rejections, and b*tches you've experienced and forming a self-defeating idea on how you can't date and always remain permanently single. Yes, the dating market does suck, but our mental strength needs to be above that.

You need a hard mental reset (change in perspective) and then take it easy on thinking about dating until you can clear your mind. Your mind is hyperactive in its own negative thoughts like a raging river when it needs to be a quiet lake with easygoing thoughts. This is what I can advise you on after recently receiving a change in perspective and now starting to approach again in the right state of mind after so long. You have to calm down and find inner peace first before you getting back into the field or else you'll fall off the deep end and forever marinate in insecurity and frustration -- thinking you need more money, looks, status, better haircut, better shirt, nicer car, bigger biceps...

Hope this helps. I've read a lot of your threads before returning as an active member and I know how aggravating it feels. It's really hard when other members are trying to give you point-blank advice when your mind isn't ready for it. What the others said in your prior threads is on the right track. It's just that they could've said it with better explanation, considering your current state of mind.