How your friends can "hold you back"

[flint]

I've noticed something very important recently which effects a lot of the state of mind you have during your daily interactions. (Please note I'm sure some of you think that this is obvious but I'm new here and learning).

How your friends interact with you basically have a huge role in how others percieve you, and the state of mind you have when you meet new people. If you're the leader of your group of friends, when you go around and meet new people you have a certain personality and certain attributes that act accordingly. Furthermore, if you're the runt of a group, you'll act accordingly as well. I'd almost be willing to say its better to be a "big fish in a small pond" than a "small fish in a big pond" (as in a leader of a group of "nerds" versus a runt in the "cool kid" crowd"".

So how does this work practically? Well, take me for instance. I have a good group of friends in that we all watch each other's backs, and we all care for each. But its in the way they interact with you that effects your outlook, and its sort of a self-perpetuating problem. What I mean by that is that they all care about me (they wouldn't ditch me or stab me in the back) but I don't get a lot of respect from them. So then when you meet others, they pick up on this through your group of friends, and you actually feel lower on the totem pole after interacting for a while.

It's a tough short-term fix though. I don't really have a question I just thought this might be an interesting discussion piece.

 

[usscrum]

spot on. this is something i've thought about a lot.

its a double-edged sword for me. the group of friends i hang out with at college are all AFCs who can't pull any girls to save their lives. i'm the most alpha out of them. but the problem is that these guys dont go out and interact with girls, so hanging out with them never gets me anywhere.

however my friends at home are good looking dudes who are all alphas and dont have problems getting girls. i have noticed that the improvements i have made over the past couple years have raised the level of respect they have for me, but i am still not at their level.

so when i go out with these guys, they get first dibs on the hot girls pretty much. i can hold my own, but its clear that i am not the leader of our group and my status is somewhat lowered. but i'd rather do this and actually be around girls than hang out with my other friends and not do ****.

 

[slaog]

Definetly it happens.


They don't like you succeeding either if it means they're being left behind. It's not really a conscious thing (in most cases) but just their ego hurting when they are left behind.

 

[ChrizZ]

I prefer not to have any friends at all.

Just do your own thing man.

If you have to rely on your friends to introduce you to girls then you are not a leader, you are a simply a follower.

 

[KontrollerX]

When your friends become a bottleneck to your progress you either ditch them and get new friends or put them into another box of your life ie you hang out with your friends but cruise for b!tches by yourself or with a different friend who you know thats outside of your main group who is a cool and good wingman who doesn't try and c0ckblock you or try and make you lower to make himself higher.

 

[Luminescence]

I've noticed something very important recently which effects a lot of the state of mind you have during your daily interactions. (Please note I'm sure some of you think that this is obvious but I'm new here and learning).

How your friends interact with you basically have a huge role in how others percieve you, and the state of mind you have when you meet new people. If you're the leader of your group of friends, when you go around and meet new people you have a certain personality and certain attributes that act accordingly. Furthermore, if you're the runt of a group, you'll act accordingly as well. I'd almost be willing to say its better to be a "big fish in a small pond" than a "small fish in a big pond" (as in a leader of a group of "nerds" versus a runt in the "cool kid" crowd"".

So how does this work practically? Well, take me for instance. I have a good group of friends in that we all watch each other's backs, and we all care for each. But its in the way they interact with you that effects your outlook, and its sort of a self-perpetuating problem. What I mean by that is that they all care about me (they wouldn't ditch me or stab me in the back) but I don't get a lot of respect from them. So then when you meet others, they pick up on this through your group of friends, and you actually feel lower on the totem pole after interacting for a while.

It's a tough short-term fix though. I don't really have a question I just thought this might be an interesting discussion piece.

Funny I was just thinking about this a moment ago. I agree, the last thing an aspiring don juan needs is a group of friends who ingrain his sense of social inferiority.

 

[Ken785]

This influenced my thread here : http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=158293