upsidedownside7
Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2004
- Messages
- 97
- Reaction score
- 0
It's interesting when you first find this site, it gives you a sense of hope. I felt like "oh my god, this place has the answers, my girl problems will vanish!" After a while, life sweeps you away and you apply what you learn. You come back, learn more and go back out there. So what does this have to do with listening or girls?
I personally think I've come a long way since first starting on this board and one of the most important things people in this community overlook is the ability to listen. This I learned more with experience and actually my career rather than the community.
Yeah, there are threads after threads on flirting, game, how to be interesting, how to vibe, I have yet to see anything that explains how to really listen in detail.
This is something I had to learn to break from my values but ASKING OPEN ENDED QUESTIONS ISN'T LISTENING...it's just asking a question. Generally, people who listen are more likeable, make more connections with people and make more money than people who don't.
So what am I talking about? How do you do this? Well there are 2 main ways to show that you listen.
1. BASIC BASIC FEEDBACK. If you're in a position where you're asking more than a FEW questions when speaking to someone and they're not asking you any back, you're not listening. Some people have the gift of gab but if you're logging on to sosuave.com to learn how to interact with women, chances are you don't have it yet.
When listening to someone, you don't need to say anything to show you get it, or ask an open ended question, you just show you get it and the best way to do it is reacting, showing some stimuli.
Like Nodding your head up and down after someone's points. The message meaning "yes, I understand what you're saying". This will encourage people to continue speaking because you're showing you understand. One or two small phrases show you understand what the other person is saying. "Oh no!" "yeah" "Oh really?" "I see" "Wow awesome!" That's really all you need to say at those points.
Disagreeing or pushing your values at the wrong times can dig yourself in a huge hole. You don't just want to stand there, looking at them in the eyes while not moving in any way. You won't look comfortable in your own skin and if you don't look comfortable in your own skin, why should someone else be comfortable around you? Nod, some basic feedback, and you won't be trying to listen, you'll be taking the behavior of someone who wants to listen.
2. Transition. Transition the information you learned from other people in your perspective.
Let's say someone wants to be a nurse...okay?
"So wait, when you want to be a nurse, I could totally imagine you doing that. What made you really want to be a nurse?"
is more to get someone talking than..."how do you like it?"
Talk about topics from each of your own perspectives and reactions. If you're thinking ten minutes ahead, trying to remember your story for Cancun mexico while she's talking about what she had for dinner, there will be a disconnect. Pretty much, just stay on topic and don't be afraid to talk about it.
There's a lot of good stuff on flirting, bodylanguage, being alpha or whatever. I think those are quite important but NONE of those are going to bring you closer to anyone than really LISTENING to someone.
I personally think I've come a long way since first starting on this board and one of the most important things people in this community overlook is the ability to listen. This I learned more with experience and actually my career rather than the community.
Yeah, there are threads after threads on flirting, game, how to be interesting, how to vibe, I have yet to see anything that explains how to really listen in detail.
This is something I had to learn to break from my values but ASKING OPEN ENDED QUESTIONS ISN'T LISTENING...it's just asking a question. Generally, people who listen are more likeable, make more connections with people and make more money than people who don't.
So what am I talking about? How do you do this? Well there are 2 main ways to show that you listen.
1. BASIC BASIC FEEDBACK. If you're in a position where you're asking more than a FEW questions when speaking to someone and they're not asking you any back, you're not listening. Some people have the gift of gab but if you're logging on to sosuave.com to learn how to interact with women, chances are you don't have it yet.
When listening to someone, you don't need to say anything to show you get it, or ask an open ended question, you just show you get it and the best way to do it is reacting, showing some stimuli.
Like Nodding your head up and down after someone's points. The message meaning "yes, I understand what you're saying". This will encourage people to continue speaking because you're showing you understand. One or two small phrases show you understand what the other person is saying. "Oh no!" "yeah" "Oh really?" "I see" "Wow awesome!" That's really all you need to say at those points.
Disagreeing or pushing your values at the wrong times can dig yourself in a huge hole. You don't just want to stand there, looking at them in the eyes while not moving in any way. You won't look comfortable in your own skin and if you don't look comfortable in your own skin, why should someone else be comfortable around you? Nod, some basic feedback, and you won't be trying to listen, you'll be taking the behavior of someone who wants to listen.
2. Transition. Transition the information you learned from other people in your perspective.
Let's say someone wants to be a nurse...okay?
"So wait, when you want to be a nurse, I could totally imagine you doing that. What made you really want to be a nurse?"
is more to get someone talking than..."how do you like it?"
Talk about topics from each of your own perspectives and reactions. If you're thinking ten minutes ahead, trying to remember your story for Cancun mexico while she's talking about what she had for dinner, there will be a disconnect. Pretty much, just stay on topic and don't be afraid to talk about it.
There's a lot of good stuff on flirting, bodylanguage, being alpha or whatever. I think those are quite important but NONE of those are going to bring you closer to anyone than really LISTENING to someone.