Herb
Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2016
- Messages
- 76
- Reaction score
- 17
- Age
- 36
Okay so my main question is how to best chose a place to meet and have drinks if you and the girl you're trying to meet don't live very close (but not that far either- like maybe 30-45 mins apart, based on traffic, maybe up to an hour worst case)? I guess answers will differ based on what your intention is after that, how you met, how well you know each other, etc. I'm not gonna lie, a lot of times I just want to meet up casually and see where it goes, i.e. try to go for a hookup, if not the first time then by the second time. If they really are cool I wouldn't mind considering something more long term or serious, but that's another topic. I happen to live in a rather geographically sprawled metro area. When I started doing things like Tinder and Bumble, I cast a wide net thinking it would give me more results, and some of the girls were like 5 to 8 miles away, which can be tricky (I've learned to make it smaller now). Sometimes we're on opposite ends of the city. Should I chose a place closer to hers or mine?
The pros of going with a place closer to me are obvious: it's just a short walk away and feels like a natural, casual extension to the night's date, not a big commitment, etc. I'm thinking the cons of this are that she may perceive you as lazy, making her come all the way out to you while you just take a 5 minute trip. May also alert her to what you're trying to do afterward, which can make her wary, especially if it's not a neighborhood she is familiar with or comfortable with. There may be more pressure on you to make it work, as she may be pissed that she took all this time and spent money to get there.
As for making it next to her place, the pros are mainly convenience and comfort for her.. But on flipside, can't you come across as too eager to go out of your way to please her, by making a long journey just to get to her area, especially if you don't know her well yet? Also, again as with the other situation, she may think you're trying to go for a hookup by having the date spot close to either of your places. She may also find it boring or uninspiring to just go to some spot near her that she goes to all the time and is already familiar with.
The logical conclusion, according to many people, would be to meet in the middle somewhere, like downtown, if you can both take the metro or some other public transport. I do have a car but parking downtown isn't always easy or cheap and traffic is a real mess. It also makes going back to either of your places together potentially difficult, or at least presents more obstacles and chances for her to rethink things.
Anyway, given that most women are not going to want to get into a car with a guy they only met online and texted (and rightfully so), how should logistics be handled to maximize your chances of something happening afterward? Do you rely on things like Uber or Lift? For some reason I don't think a lot of girls would be very enthused about taking a half hour metro or bus trip out to the suburbs on the other side of the city where they live just to hang out with you after a date. My friends and I have had cases where the girl lost patience or interest on the journey, or had second thoughts about it, even if the date itself went well; I guess it's because it feels like almost an interruption.
It would be a lot more convenient if I had a place in a very good, hip, central location downtown, where all the cool establishments are. Some of my friends who have the most success with hookups have places like this, the lucky bastards. Granted, they usually go out with girls who also live reasonably close in the city rather than in the 'burbs on the other side of it. Anyway I don't have the money to afford a place like this. I thought my recent move was actually a step forward but now I realize my new neighborhood is mostly seniors and new families, and kinda lame- there's nothing to do as far as nightlife and its a bit out of the way. I already signed a year-long lease though.
And the reason I ask this question is because I've hesitated due to it. I've made the classic mistake of *****footing around when setting up the date in this situation, by asking if they'd prefer to meet closer to me or them or somewhere else. And after saying that, it usually doesn't go well and ends in a flake. I'm usually fairly good about firmly setting up a time and place, but sometimes I don't know what to do.
The pros of going with a place closer to me are obvious: it's just a short walk away and feels like a natural, casual extension to the night's date, not a big commitment, etc. I'm thinking the cons of this are that she may perceive you as lazy, making her come all the way out to you while you just take a 5 minute trip. May also alert her to what you're trying to do afterward, which can make her wary, especially if it's not a neighborhood she is familiar with or comfortable with. There may be more pressure on you to make it work, as she may be pissed that she took all this time and spent money to get there.
As for making it next to her place, the pros are mainly convenience and comfort for her.. But on flipside, can't you come across as too eager to go out of your way to please her, by making a long journey just to get to her area, especially if you don't know her well yet? Also, again as with the other situation, she may think you're trying to go for a hookup by having the date spot close to either of your places. She may also find it boring or uninspiring to just go to some spot near her that she goes to all the time and is already familiar with.
The logical conclusion, according to many people, would be to meet in the middle somewhere, like downtown, if you can both take the metro or some other public transport. I do have a car but parking downtown isn't always easy or cheap and traffic is a real mess. It also makes going back to either of your places together potentially difficult, or at least presents more obstacles and chances for her to rethink things.
Anyway, given that most women are not going to want to get into a car with a guy they only met online and texted (and rightfully so), how should logistics be handled to maximize your chances of something happening afterward? Do you rely on things like Uber or Lift? For some reason I don't think a lot of girls would be very enthused about taking a half hour metro or bus trip out to the suburbs on the other side of the city where they live just to hang out with you after a date. My friends and I have had cases where the girl lost patience or interest on the journey, or had second thoughts about it, even if the date itself went well; I guess it's because it feels like almost an interruption.
It would be a lot more convenient if I had a place in a very good, hip, central location downtown, where all the cool establishments are. Some of my friends who have the most success with hookups have places like this, the lucky bastards. Granted, they usually go out with girls who also live reasonably close in the city rather than in the 'burbs on the other side of it. Anyway I don't have the money to afford a place like this. I thought my recent move was actually a step forward but now I realize my new neighborhood is mostly seniors and new families, and kinda lame- there's nothing to do as far as nightlife and its a bit out of the way. I already signed a year-long lease though.
And the reason I ask this question is because I've hesitated due to it. I've made the classic mistake of *****footing around when setting up the date in this situation, by asking if they'd prefer to meet closer to me or them or somewhere else. And after saying that, it usually doesn't go well and ends in a flake. I'm usually fairly good about firmly setting up a time and place, but sometimes I don't know what to do.
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