How to give attention properly?

[That_guy]

I am just wondering, if I stay aloof too much then my GF will get used to me being so unavailable and might cheat or whatever.

However if I am with her too much (like texting, calling and stuff) she will also get bored and the spark will die. (Someone here mentioned, was it here or Heartiste it goes something like "Familiarity breeds contempt")

As of now, we hang out almost every other day. And I think its not enough! (which is AFC, I know)

So how do I do this properly?

 

[PapiChulo]

Spend time on other things, get busy with whatever interests you. Really busy, not just faking it. Try to ration the attention, maybe you should be a bit more spontaneous or unpredictable, make her miss you at times too, reward good behavior.

 

[That_guy]

Spend time on other things, get busy with whatever interests you. Really busy, not just faking it. Try to ration the attention, maybe you should be a bit more spontaneous or unpredictable, make her miss you at times too, reward good behavior.

So once or twice a week?

I dont have a problem not seeing her, if anything I make room for her in my day.

 

[Aaron B]

if I stay aloof too much then my GF will get used to me being so unavailable and might cheat or whatever.

this is a false notion

 

[That_guy]

this is a false notion

Please do elaborate

 

[zekko]

I am just wondering, if I stay aloof too much then my GF will get used to me being so unavailable and might cheat or whatever.

I disagree that this is a false notion.
This can definitely happen, you can definitely be too aloof.
As you say, giving her too much attention can work against you too.
It's all a matter of calibration, you need to find the right balance.

Unfortunately, what's the right balance for one woman may not be the right balance for another.

 

[Aaron B]

Please do elaborate

Its not based in reality - its a creation of your fear

 

[st_99]

not just faking it.

yeah, the best way to create a nice balance is to actually do something that creates a balanced life style. Doesn't matter what it is, reading, basketball, bowling with the guys, ebay selling, whatever. Just find sh*t to do and when you do its natural to say "babe, i gotta blah blah today, I'll talk to you later" and she'll magically be even more attracted to you.

 

[Halcyonique]

Start treating her like your friend rather than a complex, anxiety-triggering robotic puzzle that could explode in a mass of cheating ho mass on you at any moment if you don't press the right buttons at the right times.

Seriously. Treat her like you'd treat your guy friend and see her reaction.

She'll either be all over you like a nun sandwich, or head for the hills.
If she heads for the hills, she wasn't worth your time.

Imagine if you could actually get on with her that easily. Because you might be wasting your time with all of these mind games bs you're putting yourself through.

You COULD just chill the faq out. And have a BETTER relationship because of it.

Your fear of how to give her attention etc could trigger off vibes in HER that you're not all that into her, so you could actually be sabotaging your relationship further by your anxiety of how to conduct yourself around her.

 

[Packers2010]

when everyone says. " just get busy with stuff. do stuff get busy with hobbies and things"

i never quiet knew what they men't but think about it.

if you are really busy doing these " things" when you ARE free, you will WANT to spend this time with her and since you know it might be a little while since you two will see each other again. you will put more effort into it. you will make it last.

a women would rather have your full undivided retention for 30mins over you spend 4 hours with her if you half ass it