How to Be Yourself.

[Gubby]

There is a way of acting with people that screams "fake!" and "needy!" out loud for all to hear. "Being something you're not". "Not being yourself". If you don't already know that "being yourself", and by that I mean TRUELY being yourself, is good, I urge you to read The Book of Pook and posts by Krassus... for the rest of this short post we'll assume you understand this point.

I just got back into the social scene and I really did have this problem. I felt unconfortable, that I needed to "get it right" when talking to people, that I needed to be more than I was. This resulted in me acting wayyy wierd. It's funny though, when I talked to people who I already knew well, I acted different, I acted myself; back in the days before I was so isolated, I acted right, and I had the habit still when talking to these people. Acting "not myself" just felt *wrong* when talking to them; I would rightly realise that I was acting stupid. The only difference with new people is that I didn't have a self-image around them which was "anchored" so to speak, so I didn't realise that I was acting wrong. The point is, when I realised this, I could act "myself" by just thinking the way that would feel "right" to act with someone who I knew I didn't have to impress. I could be ****y and funny, but it's not a technique, it's a bit of fun (I love to see those "shocked church lady" expressions). I could make jokes, but it's not to fit in, it's to have fun. I wouldn't try to force the conversation, I would DO THINGS, play cards, debate stuff, make up crazy joke stories on the spot, whatever. Most of all, I could fit in just as much or as little as I cared to, because if they don't like it, it's their problem (in fact, I'd probably mock them for not liking it. "oh no, please hide yourself from mine delicate eyes, I cannot stand the sight of those rogues who don't confine to my narrowly defined standards of normality!")

You don't think of the person as a challenge to be overcome, a girl to be seduced, a friend to be made; but you just acknowledge their presence and let them be part of your reality; you feel what they feel; connect. You spend time together under the mutual understanding that you both enjoy human company, there's no need for pretenses. As you share experience, you bond.

It's all in the gut feeling. What does it feel RIGHT to do?

 

[Malaki]

This is soooo right!...i always seem fake and needy!....damm this post is GREAT!

KUDOS!

 

[squirrels]

Spot-on.

The one thing I've noticed recently is that as soon as you feel heistant, as soon as you hear that voice inside that says, "What should I do now?", you're out of alignment with your true self and trying to divine what the girl WANTS you to do instead of being yourself.

Women don't even know what THEY want to do, much less what they want YOU to do, so don't even try to guess. Honestly, if you hit that point, best to reset the interaction. If it's a PU situation, or near the end of the date, end it there before you have a chance to hesitate. If it's early in a date, change the venue, topic, or activity...generate an interruption and reset the conversation and start a new dynamic, maybe building on some tangent that was suggested earlier.

In dating, as well as in EVERYTHING in life, always be congruent with your inner-self, that person you visualize yourself WANTING to be, because that person always tends toward happiness and success. If you get to a point where you don't know your next move, ask yourself, "What would I do if I was that person I REALLY WANT to be?"

 

[johnny_depp]

very good.