How reliable emotions can be?

[Blacksheep]

I know for some experiences that most of times trusting on our emotions are not a good idea, and it may lead you to some bad decisions.

Those weeks after I broke up, I'm feeling kind of peace, having more time to focus on myself... Working out everyday, eating 100% healthy, rearranging some goals and schedules... And the results are just coming.

Ok, but even with all that... I can feel some guilt inside me, like: "What if you're wrong?", "She may really be a good women and you just fck everything"

It seems like ONEitis feeling, I know I shouldn't trust on that... but it keeps making me feel sad sometimes. Maybe because I liked her or remember good times, but I also can remember the reasons I decided to leave.

So, how can we know if our feelings are truth or not? Should we pay attention to that or just be sure it can only sabotage our lifes?

 

[wifehunter]

I filter emotions with logic.

 

[Ohso-Phresh]

Experiencing contrast is a good thing, with it you can focus on better feeling thoughts.

Keep your frame.

Doubt your doubt.

It’s purpose is to slow you down.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Self-awareness is the key. I speak from exact experience on this one.

Back in the 1990's, I broke up with this gal. And months later, I suddenly forgot all her bad traits and like some strange oddity, I could no longer remember my good traits (but only my bad qualities). I was the one that did the breaking up, and yet, it felt like I was dumped. Sound familiar? I'm thinking that it may.

I didn't want to repeat *that* type of situation again and here's what I did (it'll probably help you as well).

After my next relationship ended, I spoke into a portable cassette player (yes, we re talking 20 years ago) and I went over her bad qualites while they were still fresh on my mind (recording these on tape) . I figured that if I reverted back to that weird moment in my life, I'd have this recording to play back if needed.

In this day and age, you could achieve the same thing on a cellphone voice app or just write things down when you recall them.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Make a list.
pros and cons.
On one side of the list write what she was good for, what value did she bring to your life?

On the other side of the list, write what she took away from your life, how was she a liability or risk to your health and goals. Was she an energy vampire?

Review this list when the guilt starts again.

Its hard when you vowed, you promised you would love them your whole life.

 

[bcude]

Emotions are powerful, so powerful in fact that they override all logic. They exist for a reason, to make you survive.
I've experienced it first hand, it didn't matter that an ex was a bad choice on pretty much every level logically. I just couldn't do anything but glorify her after some time had passed and the fading effect bias took place and i saw everything with rose colored lenses, so i took all the blame on me, but having transitioned out of a blue pill reality it was extremely easy to do.
What you resist, persists. You can't take your emotions away by force so embrace the good and the bad and sit with them but make that list and remind yourself of why it didn't work out just to take her down from that pedestal where she ends up all the time. This is very important.

Having doubts as the dumper is something natural i think, especially as a female who goes with the emotions of the moment, they can never be totally certain. This will be magnified if you cut off all contact.

Stay strong soldier

 

[samspade]

I filter emotions with logic.

This is how you do it.

Don't stifle your emotions, let them happen. BUT, don't take any actions or make any decisions in an overly emotional state. When the feeling passes, use your logic to proceed.

Example. When you're emotional, you may think "I should text her." Don't. An hour later, think it through. If I text her, what will I gain or lose? That's just a basic example.

Also the idea mentioned above of a list of good vs bad. Or better yet, reasons you are no longer with her. These are good to review and remind yourself why you are on your path.

 

[Blacksheep]

After my next relationship ended, I spoke into a portable cassette player (yes, we re talking 20 years ago) and I went over her bad qualites while they were still fresh on my mind (recording these on tape) . I figured that if I reverted back to that weird moment in my life, I'd have this recording to play back if needed.

In this day and age, you could achieve the same thing on a cellphone voice app or just write things down when you recall them.

This is quite interesting! I have to do it today... I think it will help a lot!

I can see the same happening to me in that moment! Just not losing my mind as I did before... Just keeping calm, thinking and find solutions to deal with that!

Thanks for your reply!

 

[Blacksheep]

Doubt your doubt.

It’s purpose is to slow you down.

Keep thinking about that!! Had tons of times where it just happened that way... took decisions on a emotional state, and lost some opportunities.

 

[xplt]

I was in the same boat.

You have good advice here. Write down the negative traits and situations, which you don‘t want in a partner and you don‘t want to be put through again.

What would be different next time? Think about it.

Emotions fade. Thoughts are not always the truth and you don‘t have to react on them. Use logic to get what you want in Life, emotions can blind you.

 

[Blacksheep]

Make a list.
pros and cons.
On one side of the list write what she was good for, what value did she bring to your life?

On the other side of the list, write what she took away from your life, how was she a liability or risk to your health and goals. Was she an energy vampire?

Review this list when the guilt starts again.

Its hard when you vowed, you promised you would love them your whole life.

Thanks for your reply man!

Gonna do that right away!

 

[Blacksheep]

Emotions are powerful, so powerful in fact that they override all logic. They exist for a reason, to make you survive.
I've experienced it first hand, it didn't matter that an ex was a bad choice on pretty much every level logically. I just couldn't do anything but glorify her after some time had passed and the fading effect bias took place and i saw everything with rose colored lenses, so i took all the blame on me, but having transitioned out of a blue pill reality it was extremely easy to do.
What you resist, persists. You can't take your emotions away by force so embrace the good and the bad and sit with them but make that list and remind yourself of why it didn't work out just to take her down from that pedestal where she ends up all the time. This is very important.

Having doubts as the dumper is something natural i think, especially as a female who goes with the emotions of the moment, they can never be totally certain. This will be magnified if you cut off all contact.

Stay strong soldier

Thanks man!

I believe emotions can help us survive... I just can't see how those emotions are helping me right now. If those emotions are right, then the only explanation is that they're alerting me that I may be committing a mistake.

But it's really interesting when you become open to those emotions... If you allow them to come and you observe and learn, there are so many good lessons!

Different than my past experiences, I'm not getting so bad an putting all my pain in alcohol. First time on life that I broke up and stay sober the whole process... It's quite interesting!

 

[Blacksheep]

This is how you do it.

Don't stifle your emotions, let them happen. BUT, don't take any actions or make any decisions in an overly emotional state. When the feeling passes, use your logic to proceed.

Example. When you're emotional, you may think "I should text her." Don't. An hour later, think it through. If I text her, what will I gain or lose? That's just a basic example.

Also the idea mentioned above of a list of good vs bad. Or better yet, reasons you are no longer with her. These are good to review and remind yourself why you are on your path.

Thanks man!

This is really important! Im practicing it.

Also creating this list of pros and cons.

Main reason was the nonsense complainings and the inability to have healthy conversations. Also she complained and never recognize any kind of effort I've made like paying for everything when she was unemployed.

It started make me feel really alone in the relationship... Of course, I have my defects too, and I can take responsibility for all of them. One of them is not having patience to unnecessary tantrums... I tried to be patience, to try to understand... But I really can't deal with that.

 

[Blacksheep]

Emotions fade. Thoughts are not always the truth and you don‘t have to react on them. Use logic to get what you want in Life, emotions can blind you.

Thats true! Thanks for your reply! =)

Working on that list to help get clarity on those feelings!

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

I know for some experiences that most of times trusting on our emotions are not a good idea, and it may lead you to some bad decisions.

Those weeks after I broke up, I'm feeling kind of peace, having more time to focus on myself... Working out everyday, eating 100% healthy, rearranging some goals and schedules... And the results are just coming.

Ok, but even with all that... I can feel some guilt inside me, like: "What if you're wrong?", "She may really be a good women and you just fck everything"

It seems like ONEitis feeling, I know I shouldn't trust on that... but it keeps making me feel sad sometimes. Maybe because I liked her or remember good times, but I also can remember the reasons I decided to leave.

So, how can we know if our feelings are truth or not? Should we pay attention to that or just be sure it can only sabotage our lifes?

As a man you should be decisive. If you've decided to move on then you should expect occasional feelings of doubt or guilt to work through. You have to accept that you may be wrong in your decision. Stand by your choice anyway, it's important to own your decisions for your own reasons, even if they turn out to be mistakes. There is no shame in mistakes, stand by them all the same. I usually judge a man more by his reaction to his mistakes than the mistakes themselves.

 

[Blacksheep]

As a man you should be decisive. If you've decided to move on then you should expect occasional feelings of doubt or guilt to work through. You have to accept that you may be wrong in your decision. Stand by your choice anyway, it's important to own your decisions for your own reasons, even if they turn out to be mistakes. There is no shame in mistakes, stand by them all the same. I usually judge a man more by his reaction to his mistakes than the mistakes themselves.

Have to save this and read always! This is a biggest true, and we can't forget about it.

Thanks for that man! =)

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Thanks man!

I believe emotions can help us survive... I just can't see how those emotions are helping me right now. If those emotions are right, then the only explanation is that they're alerting me that I may be committing a mistake.

But it's really interesting when you become open to those emotions... If you allow them to come and you observe and learn, there are so many good lessons!

Different than my past experiences, I'm not getting so bad an putting all my pain in alcohol. First time on life that I broke up and stay sober the whole process... It's quite interesting!

This too shall pass. The wealth of info I've learned about the family disease of alcoholism ensures I'll always let go of people, places and things, being truly and serenely powerless.
You didn't cause her to be like that, you can't control her behaviour and you can't change her. The 3 "C"....didn't CAUSE....can't CONTROL and can't CHANGE. Not sure how those 3 translate into Portuguese/Brasilian

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Thanks for your reply man!

Gonna do that right away!

You're welcome brother.