How in the hell do you make successful small talk?

[Nexus Polaris]

Okay, so after realizing awhile back that knowing a bunch of techniques but lacking the confidence to back them up will essentially net you nothing in terms of success with women, I decided to take a break from the game and work solely on my inner game. I refused to go back to trying to pick up women until I had a rock solid frame. Until I had become an unbendable, unbreakable MAN.

And I have to say, for the most part, the last two and a half months have been very successful. I feel like a completely different person on the inside. I started filling in as a temporary door guy/bouncer at a bar and doing martial arts training with a friend of mine who is a black belt as well as plenty of reading and self affirmation stuff. It’s done wonders for my confidence. Just tonight, my best friend of my entire life (seriously, we met in pre-school) commented on how proud he was of me because I seemed so different. This guy has been busting my balls for years to stop whining and man up, and now he’s giving me props for doing so.

Anyway, here’s the deal. After getting the confidence and other necessary things squared away, it has become very obvious to me that my biggest and most blatant problem keeping me from succeeding with women now is my sheer lack of conversational skill. It is RETARDEDLY bad.

I never noticed until recently how most of my friends are very outgoing and talkative people and how most of our conversations are very one way. They talk for 5 minutes, and I just provide the necessary “yeahs” and “uh huhs.”

I have practiced honing my small talk skills with them and literally every person I have come in contact with. Not just hot women; regular women, unattractive women, men, animals, inanimate objects, you name it. And it just doesn’t seem to be getting any better. And it’s frustrating as all hell.

There was this HB8 at work that actually seemed to be kind of digging me when I first started on. I was pretty sure I at least had a shot. And the first few times we talked, I kept it short and made a point to break rapport and go back to work after a very short interaction. And it seemed to work. But the longer the conversations seemed to try to become, the more awkward silences, the more forced the conversations felt, and the more I could feel her interest waning.

Long story short, she went from walking me out after work to going to get dïck from some other guy tonight without so much as even a goodbye.

And it’s not just this chick. It’s everybody I talk to. Unless they carry the conversation, it’s a complete disaster. I had an equally awkward conversation with another girl at the end of the night tonight that I already knew who asked for my number and insisted that we hang out sometime. But that didn’t really mean anything because she had already made up her mind she wanted my còck before we started talking tonight. So the horribly start/stop conversation didn’t matter.

My question is do any of you know any way to really sharpen your conversational skills and be able to just flow more naturally with people in general? I have a really hard time just vibing with people, and even with an absurd amount of practice, I don’t really seem to be getting much better.

It’s frustrating.

 

[Mr. Wolf]

http://www.bristollair.com/outer-game/skills/flirting-tips-and-advice.html

 

[nando]

i have that problem too bro, i am gonna try and resolve it soon

 

[Answers]

I have this problem too but i'm getting better. I've noticed that people who talk alot talk about anything. They don't mind what it is they just say whats on their mind like "I slipped the other day", "I saw an accident", "in my home town" etc etc. Look around you and talk about things like the place you're in and what you like about it etc and she'll want to give her opinion.

I find this stuff boring but on a date its more about making the other person feel comfortable and if your not comfortable then that feeling spreads and things become awkward.

Also start joking around a bit. Don't be too serious. Make fun of your date in a teasing way to create a lighter atmosphere.

 

[everywomanshero]

The best way to have interesting conversations is to have an interesting life. That way you always have something to talk about. In short, get out more. Meet different kinds of people. Travel. Do ****, have fun, then you can talk about 1,000s of different topics: religions, places, surfing, offbeat people, snorkling, crazy bars, weird things other cultures eat, etc. etc. etc.

If you have a boring life, then it's going to be super hard to have a not boring conversation. I believe you need to fix one to correct the other.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

The most successful small talk is just that, small. It shouldn't take more than a few seconds (15-30). Extending it any longer just makes you look like any other person attempting to force a conversation about things people have little interest in.

 

[speakeasy]

Your naturally an introvert. Nothing wrong with that per se, except the fact that you live in an extrovert's world so you're always at odds. I'm naturally more towards the introverts side myself although I can talk when need be and keep a conversation going, it wears me out like hell to have to chat about trivial sh*t I have no interest in. Try and talk more about things you are passionate about, then you won't even have to think about what you are going to say, it'll come from the heart. If you go on a date, don't go on a coffee date, because it will just be you and her sitting at a table with nothing to do other than talk. In your case, plan activity dates that are fun so you have more to do than talk. If you are approaching a girl and you're short on words, use body language heavily, keep the conversation short, get the number and get the hell out of there before your lack of conversational confidence becomes obvious. It may even work to your advantage in creating some mystery about yourself. Then when you call her, keep it very short, no more than 5mins on the phone tops, and set up an activity date where it can be fun, but you aren't forced to sit there and chat about sh*t for 2 hours with a bunch of awkward silences, yet you can still talk here and there if you want.

As for a fun activity date, a comedy club would be excellent if you have one in your city. Perfect for an introvert. She can have a few drinks to get her loosened up as can you. And she'll be sitting there laughing all night. In between sets, you can have a little conversation. Thing that's good is this works like Pavlov's dogs. It doesn't matter that the jokes weren't coming from you. But since she was laughing and tipsy and having a good time, meanwhile you were there, she will associate it with you and she'll still think, "that guy showed me a good time last week" even though you might not have said a single thing yourself that made her laugh. But since you were sitting right next to her laughing alongside her, you get the benefits. In a funny way, you're paying someone else to entertain her on the date, while getting the benefit yourself.