How do you react when your Hot Buttons are activated by a women..

[dj_phobia]

Fellow DJ's,

Most men have "Hot Buttons" or things that they are insecure about. It could be weight, height, or anything else. When a women presses one of these buttons, it can lead to anger, frustration, or other negative emotions. It may also lead to an instant desire to hit back with a remark of your own.

I would love to know, how you react, when a women mentions something that you are sensitive about, as a joke or in general conversation.

a. How do you usually react, if you are in the women's company
b. How would you react, if on the phone

Some of the possible reactions could be,

1. Expressing anger, to let her know that you do not approve of her insensitive remark, so that she doesnt bring it up again
2. Playing cool, and not reacting at all

One of the factors that may influence your reaction, would possibly be whether you want to bed the women, or just want her as a good friend (or she could be an existing friend). I would love to know your strategies/reactions under various scenarios..

Adios..

 

[thecurtainfalls]

I just try my best to be as in tune as possible as to the context that she's bringing it up in. I get teased by my height by this one cute girl I know from time to time, but I've slept with her. So it's not like she's trying to insult me. It might even be like a female version of a neg. Like a way of flirting and busting on you... in that same vein, it makes it inherently a sh!t-test. You've gotta be cool enough not to let your frame be disturbed by those comments.

I think one area I could improve on myself is that I use humor as a huge part of my game, and a lot of self-deprecating humor. But I think by being self deprecating too often I'm actually lowering my status a little bit. Just something to keep in mind.

 

[Semtex]

An old trick I learned is to never, ever, let them know what my actual hot button is...in fact, I fool them into thinking its something else (which Im absolutely insensitive about).

Case in point, I had a girlfriend who had a knack for telling me about the sexual habits/qualities of her previous boyfriends. Ofcourse it got me jealous and insecure, but I would play it off by never showing it. My fear was that if she saw it, she would eventually realize that it was a trump card that she could use to hurt me if she needed to get vindictive.

I did make it seem to her that I was insecure about my frail build (which I could care less about actually), and wouldnt you know it, in one argument she brought up the fact that out of all her bf's, I was the skinniest and "physically weakest" by far. I went "oh boo hoo, Im so hurt" with a smirk on my face...Now imagine what she would have said had she known I was really insecure about how I measured up sexually compared to her exes. More importantly, how it would have affected my composure and self esteem.

Needless to say, she always admired me for being so stoic and confident.

 

[dj_phobia]

thecurtainfalls: Context is very important, I agree. I actually read an aticle on self-deprecating humour, (that I occassionaly use as well), that you may be interested in: Here it is

Semtex: Very good tip. However, when you say, you "Act Cool", how do you react, i.e. do you change the subject, use self-deprecating humour (which I believe a lot of people who try to act cool when hot puttons are pressed use), withdraw yourself from the situation with an excuse, etc..??

I believe, the very idea of "hot buttons" is that, when they are pushed, you lose your compusure to a degree, which makes it difficult to naturally act cool, i.e. you are in a state where you are trying to curb your natural instincts. So isnt acting cool, in such circustamces without giving away anything a challenge?

 

[Lozenga]

How do you react when your Hot Buttons are activated by a women..

You mean you actually have "hot buttons" that a random bird can activate? Coming from a creature that by default has a big bag of insecurities should not be that much of a concern to a man who values his worth.

Wouldn't you think?

 

[xdreamz]

it depends by what you mean a hot button...if she's playfully teasing me then I'm just going to laugh and play it cool ...if she says something kind of more disrespectful then i'll say something back but sometimes i got nothing to say when they're all like "that means you can't hang out with me...just kidding" i'll just give her a pass let it slide.

 

[Giles]

I used to be insecure, but somehow I've just sorta lost all my insecurities over time, but I do like semtex just to give a girl a little confidence bubble that I can bust right before I explain everything that is wrong with her even if it isn't true directly before I initiate NC. I have crooked teeth; that's what I portray to be an insecurity. So I often say crooked teeth makes for better kissers. Women are insecure about their height, weight, breastsize, haircolor, eyes, teeth, skin, and pretty much every part of their anatomy so you can just go off on them to help them hit a good all time low that drives them crazy.

 

[dj_phobia]

You mean you actually have "hot buttons" that a random bird can activate? Coming from a creature that by default has a big bag of insecurities should not be that much of a concern to a man who values his worth.

Wouldn't you think?

Lozenga: You are missing the point here. There is nothing wrong in having insecurities, pretty much every person on this planet is insecure about something, wether consciously or unconsciously. That is human nature. The skill is in managing insecurities, and managing reactions when these insecurities are brought to light. The purpose of this post is to get a better understanding of how people, use their skills in managing insecurities, when dealing with women.

I agree women have lots of insecurities, probably more then men, but the focus here is on managing own insecurities.