Dr. IzzyG
New Member
sup dudes,
One big key to success for me is to place as little value as I possibly can on the women I'm interacting with. And so far, it has helped tremendously. What ever beliefs you hold in your mind manifest themselves in your behaviors - even subtlety.
For example, if you think that chick "A" is really hot, etc. your mind begins to form a belief the more you think about it. This eventually leads to what we call oneitis. Once you form a belief, its hard to change. But it can be done. Basically, the less you give a F---, the better your performance. We've all heard this before, right? Well, what we rarely hear is how to change it, and why it happens.
1. Your perception can blind you. REMEMBER THIS. Aaron Beck, founder of cognitive therapy, suggested that it is our underlying negative thoughts that are the causes of our unhappiness/depression. For example, say you're short. You tell yourself that it's okay, that it's no big deal. However, your self talk - that is, your random thoughts on the way to class, work, while driving, etc. may be negative. For example, you may be comparing yourself to every taller person around you - without realizing it.
You can apply this to beliefs about your social skills. You may try to think that your social skills are ok, but when you're at a party or club, you may be comparing yourself to others around you - once again, without your even knowing it.
I would get so frustrated with myself. One day, I would feel GREAT. I would talk to anyone, be social as hell, flirt, approach, etc. A few days later, I felt like SH**T. This would happen for months at a time.
WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?
It happened because there were underlying negative thoughts I was thinking that were triggered either by a friend's comment (jokingly calling me shorty - I'm not very tall), or other situation. Little by little, these thoughts added up and I unknowingly started to contemplate them frequently. The result? I became socially isolated, unable to connect with the people around me. Unable to talk to chics, feel confident, etc.
What did I do?
After a year, a friend recommended something called Cognitive therapy - DON"T FREAK OUT. Basically, you just identify the negative beliefs you have about yourself and write them down. For every negative belief, you write something counter to it. For example:
a. "I'm not attractive to women" - a counter thought I wrote was "I will not be imprisoned by my thoughts.
I wrote a list of about five thoughts and targeted them. I did this for a few days and started to notice a change in myself. I was upbeat, content, able to connect with everyone around me. I was able to hit on chicks without even thinking about it.
I recommend this for every DJ and person out there. The reason why after having a lot of success with women works wonders for your confidence, is because it changes those underlying negative beliefs.
HOW THE F*** DOES THIS APPLY TO DJING?
Well, everything. If you don't target the negative thoughts you are having (e.g. This girl is my only chance), you will have a hard time with the interaction. I am not saying that this is the only way to go. Do what works for you. Hell, do whatever you want.
An applied example from my own experience:
I saw a really cute girl in one of my classes. I talked with her before class started for a bit, and things were going well. Being an idiot, I decided to hold off on the approach (yeah, I know, but I'm not perfect). The next time I saw her, I noticed that I felt different. During the time outside of class, I was incrementally placing more value on her. And by the time I saw her again, I was just off. I acted awkwardly, couldn't think of anything to say, etc. I immediately picked up on this change in my behavior. Once class started, I was trying to figure out what went wrong with me. I went back to AFC in two days! Then I realized that I was placing her on a high horse the whole time. Once I figured this out, I immediately began to ask myself "Why the F should I care about this chic? For one, I don't even know her. She could be some stuck up bit*ch, she could be a boring lay. She could have a boyfriend." Once this clicked, I felt on top of the world, and all of a sudden I realized that women are not a scare commodity - there are BILLIONS of them in the world! Granted, they are not all desirable, but there are A LOT OF THEM. I ended up getting her phone number. She's a great girl it turns out, and I still go out with her from time to time. But if you were to ask me if I cared what she thought of my, I would say "I don't know, whatever".
This is all cognitive therapy in an applied sense. It's just recognizing negative thoughts and working to change them. It takes a lot of time and effort, but with persistence, it will work.
As guys, we naturally make dangerous assumptions about hot women. This is our evolution working on us. The fact is I'd rather have a cute girl with small tits who can make me laugh and reciprocate a conversation than some hot chick with a great ass who only goes shopping in her free time. If it's there, then of course, go fu*ck her, but sometimes we just make them out to be too good.
One big key to success for me is to place as little value as I possibly can on the women I'm interacting with. And so far, it has helped tremendously. What ever beliefs you hold in your mind manifest themselves in your behaviors - even subtlety.
For example, if you think that chick "A" is really hot, etc. your mind begins to form a belief the more you think about it. This eventually leads to what we call oneitis. Once you form a belief, its hard to change. But it can be done. Basically, the less you give a F---, the better your performance. We've all heard this before, right? Well, what we rarely hear is how to change it, and why it happens.
1. Your perception can blind you. REMEMBER THIS. Aaron Beck, founder of cognitive therapy, suggested that it is our underlying negative thoughts that are the causes of our unhappiness/depression. For example, say you're short. You tell yourself that it's okay, that it's no big deal. However, your self talk - that is, your random thoughts on the way to class, work, while driving, etc. may be negative. For example, you may be comparing yourself to every taller person around you - without realizing it.
You can apply this to beliefs about your social skills. You may try to think that your social skills are ok, but when you're at a party or club, you may be comparing yourself to others around you - once again, without your even knowing it.
I would get so frustrated with myself. One day, I would feel GREAT. I would talk to anyone, be social as hell, flirt, approach, etc. A few days later, I felt like SH**T. This would happen for months at a time.
WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?
It happened because there were underlying negative thoughts I was thinking that were triggered either by a friend's comment (jokingly calling me shorty - I'm not very tall), or other situation. Little by little, these thoughts added up and I unknowingly started to contemplate them frequently. The result? I became socially isolated, unable to connect with the people around me. Unable to talk to chics, feel confident, etc.
What did I do?
After a year, a friend recommended something called Cognitive therapy - DON"T FREAK OUT. Basically, you just identify the negative beliefs you have about yourself and write them down. For every negative belief, you write something counter to it. For example:
a. "I'm not attractive to women" - a counter thought I wrote was "I will not be imprisoned by my thoughts.
I wrote a list of about five thoughts and targeted them. I did this for a few days and started to notice a change in myself. I was upbeat, content, able to connect with everyone around me. I was able to hit on chicks without even thinking about it.
I recommend this for every DJ and person out there. The reason why after having a lot of success with women works wonders for your confidence, is because it changes those underlying negative beliefs.
HOW THE F*** DOES THIS APPLY TO DJING?
Well, everything. If you don't target the negative thoughts you are having (e.g. This girl is my only chance), you will have a hard time with the interaction. I am not saying that this is the only way to go. Do what works for you. Hell, do whatever you want.
An applied example from my own experience:
I saw a really cute girl in one of my classes. I talked with her before class started for a bit, and things were going well. Being an idiot, I decided to hold off on the approach (yeah, I know, but I'm not perfect). The next time I saw her, I noticed that I felt different. During the time outside of class, I was incrementally placing more value on her. And by the time I saw her again, I was just off. I acted awkwardly, couldn't think of anything to say, etc. I immediately picked up on this change in my behavior. Once class started, I was trying to figure out what went wrong with me. I went back to AFC in two days! Then I realized that I was placing her on a high horse the whole time. Once I figured this out, I immediately began to ask myself "Why the F should I care about this chic? For one, I don't even know her. She could be some stuck up bit*ch, she could be a boring lay. She could have a boyfriend." Once this clicked, I felt on top of the world, and all of a sudden I realized that women are not a scare commodity - there are BILLIONS of them in the world! Granted, they are not all desirable, but there are A LOT OF THEM. I ended up getting her phone number. She's a great girl it turns out, and I still go out with her from time to time. But if you were to ask me if I cared what she thought of my, I would say "I don't know, whatever".
This is all cognitive therapy in an applied sense. It's just recognizing negative thoughts and working to change them. It takes a lot of time and effort, but with persistence, it will work.
As guys, we naturally make dangerous assumptions about hot women. This is our evolution working on us. The fact is I'd rather have a cute girl with small tits who can make me laugh and reciprocate a conversation than some hot chick with a great ass who only goes shopping in her free time. If it's there, then of course, go fu*ck her, but sometimes we just make them out to be too good.
