How do you become distant, without being cold?

[DnbHead]

I will start by saying I hate being a **** to people, so i probably come off way to cheery most of the time.

Say a girl is initiating conversation, and acting completely interested in talking with me, but whenever I ask to hangout, they say they are busy. If this happens more than twice (with no counter offer), I'm out. I have too much pride to ask a third time.

In this type of situation what's the best thing to do? I've had this happen a few times with different chicks. I refuse to give them anymore of my time if they don't act as excited to hangout with me as I do with them.

I think asking three times makes you look weak... they know you asked twice. Plus the no counter offer twice in a row is a huge indicator.

I never know what to do after this though... usually they still try to talk to me... and i just straight up ignore them because I don't know how to act "Distant" without being a ****. I realize ignoring IS being a ****, but at least I don't have to talk to them that way.

Is there really even a way to be distant without being a ****? As this leaves the biggest window of opportunity open, without compromising your pride.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

I would suggest only asking them out once. if she does not reply, she is either ignorant or uninterested.

 

[DnbHead]

I would suggest only asking them out once. if she does not reply, she is either ignorant or uninterested.

Fair enough, man, but I disagree. I think twice is fine if they are coming to you each time a conversation happens.

 

[dustmuffin]

who cares if you cone across as an ass. You asked her out twice. she declined. Waste no more time on her.If she wants to talk limit the conversation. If it hurts her feelings who cares? She had her chance and didn't take it. She is just seeking free validation.

 

[El Payaso]

Don't care about how you come across. Just go about your business.

 

[Serenity]

If they still try talking to you after being uncooperative about meeting up, then I'd just say I want to meet them and if they don't then I'm not gonna waste my time with empty chatter. At that point it doesn't even matter how they take it, it's last chance or get lost.

 

[darksprezzatura]

If a woman cancels a date twice with no counter offer, she's just keeping you for validation.

It's easy to deceive yourself and your ego by rationalising her actions.

Cut out the parasite and go ghost.

 

[RangerMIke]

Is there really even a way to be distant without being a ****? As this leaves the biggest window of opportunity open, without compromising your pride.

Simple... just get busy with stuff. You are not distant... you are busy. Big difference, this signals to women that they have to work to get your attention since you actually have a life that keeps you occupied.

Chicks that won't go out with you do not exist. Your pride can not be hurt by non-existent women. One more thing... don't worry if a chick thinks you are an @ss. @dustmuffin is right... who cares what she thinks. Besides it is better if a chick thinks you are an @ss then if she believes you are weak. It is better if you hates you than if you do not make her think twice. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin... at some level both mean she cares at some level.

 

[sazc]

I really feel like asking once is fine and should be the limit. If there is no counter offer IMO that can be taken as low IL and you should move on with your attention.

If you ask once, with no counter offer, move on. If she is interested she will reach out. Asking once absolutely, without a doubt, conveys interest to a female. You did your job and initiated and pursued. Leave the ball in her court.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

I really feel like asking once is fine and should be the limit. If there is no counter offer IMO that can be taken as low IL and you should move on with your attention.

If you ask once, with no counter offer, move on. If she is interested she will reach out. Asking once absolutely, without a doubt, conveys interest to a female. You did your job and initiated and pursued. Leave the ball in her court.

Yes. She declines the offer, and then waits to see how you respond. You don't react [don't ask her out again] she becomes curious, and may re-initiate contact. You react, she loses interest.... if she hadn't already.

 

[sazc]

Yes. She declines the offer, and then waits to see how you respond. You don't react [don't ask her out again] she becomes curious, and may re-initiate contact. You react, she loses interest.... if she hadn't already.

(I think I am affirming what you are saying (?))

Not to mention, IMO, if she declines the first offer without a counter, it is more likely to come off as needy/beta if you ask again.

@DnbHead I feel like you need to re frame the way you view this situation. You arent being a d1ck by not asking again. In fact, you are 'practicing your listening skills' and accepting the rejection and moving along. Truth is, she said "no". You accept the "no" and dont bother her again. That's not being a d1ck, that's respecting what she said.

 

[wifehunter]

Get busy.

 

[DnbHead]

(I think I am affirming what you are saying (?))

Not to mention, IMO, if she declines the first offer without a counter, it is more likely to come off as needy/beta if you ask again.

@DnbHead I feel like you need to re frame the way you view this situation. You arent being a d1ck by not asking again. In fact, you are 'practicing your listening skills' and accepting the rejection and moving along. Truth is, she said "no". You accept the "no" and dont bother her again. That's not being a d1ck, that's respecting what she said.

Well it went like this.

She initiated contact and seemed super interested in talking to me. As I had to go somewhere I said:

Me: Hey, I gotta run but are you free next weekend? we gotta get together.

Her: Unfortunately I have plans! I made some bad adult decisions and have no money haha.

I didn't even respond.

TWO WEEKS LATER:
She initiates conversation again. (I haven't said a word to her since she declined.)

This time i keep the conversation a lot more brief before telling her I gotta run. I'm a little more blunt this time

Me: Gotta run, This Saturday, you should come hang.

Her: I am going to a festival this weekend, and a wedding next weekend! Busy busy!

Again I just left it with no response.

I haven't been chasing this girl one bit, i actually haven't initiated conversation even once with her.
Why does she keep initiating conversation with me and being very friendly, just to turn down my offers of hanging out?

 

[sazc]

@DnbHead idk maybe next time she initiates you just say "how are you, what's going on" and let her tell you what's up.

Maybe she's just trying to turn you into an orbiter'?