how do u think I handled this girl? give me imput so I can have a better game

[wise_mage]

this is a similar situation to the one I describe in my "I have trouble getting dates" thread. its a pattern that has emerged when I try to get dates with girls.


theres this girl that studies acting where I go for my singing lessons. anyway, I got her number one day and called her a few times just to see if she knew about any parties and stuff.
one day i decide to ask her out. when I call she says "wow Im glad u called, I didnt figure you to be the type of person to call me, I thought it was just like u knew me and said hi to me but that was it" sobla blah blah right. anyway I to accompany me to do something and she says that shell see me at the art academy but if she cant shell call me to see if we do something the next day. ishe doesnt call . thats was friday. I call her like sunday, and ask her about a concert she went to on friday but that I couldnt attend. and get this she is trying to say that I was the one who didnt go to the academy on thursday. I tell her thats not true.
I then tell her that we should see each other next thursday. and she says sure. she says she cant or some **** like that.
anyway I dont call her anymore. but I run into her at 2 different parties and an art expo during the course of 2 weeks.
anyway I ran into her during the openings of a painters friend expo. well, actually I ran into her at the academy and told her about the expo. I saw her there and she told me she was leaving. I told her I had to go to this place as well which was the same way she was going.
so off we went, and right out of the museum we go through this lampost on the sidewalk sand she gets closer to me so I put my arm around her waist and keep it there. but shes like "take it off, we`re already past the lampost" all *****y and sh!t so I laug and tell her shes grumpy. all the time we are making like sporadical contact with our hands brushing. anyway I put my arm around her shoulder like a minute later and ask her why seh doesnt like it and she starts saying she doesnt tend to touch people and tells me to take the arm off her stuff. she then tells me she saw this cute guy today at the expo and blah blah and asks if hes my friend. I tell her he is and that shes then seen 2 good looking guys throghout the day and she says who? and I say, well me and him of course. and shes like yeah sure again with *****y attitude. then she keeps talking and I just nod like I dont even care about what shes saying and she says somethiong to the effect of say something or Illstart saying stupid sh!t. and I tell her "oh no ur always saying stup!d sh!t but if u want to, sure Ill say something" but I tell her this while smiling. she says she almost never talks and Im like aja and she says well, when im around special or different people I do talk a lot and Im like "yeah u call me special and different , but when I put my arm around you ( i put my arm around her as I say this - I also touched her several times on the shoulders before) utell me to take it off! how absurd!" and I tel her I have to go another way so we part ways with a kiss on the shick (thats how we say bye and hello in my country" and she crosses the street but then I remember something and cross the street as well and tell her "so r u gonna keep playing hard to get "all of this with the best ****y smile I could manage at the moment and she like "oh no I dont , Im just very busy and blah blah blah" and we exchange a few words and shes like what was that thing u told me in french the other day, u have to teach me french blah blah. and Im like well, in order to do that I have to see you dont I? and then i was like bye and held her by the shoulders firmly andkissed her on the chick goodbye.

I think I did sort of well in the situation. I appplyed kino and even like 2 neg hits to lower her of the pedestal she put herself in. the worst thing abiout it is that this chick is like a 7.5 or an 8.
shes no great thing just like the others who keep telling me they cant make it to dates and sh!t. I am very confused about why this always happens.
what do u think of the situation with the girl and on the way I have handled it so far? any imput on how can I improve my game in this kind of situation where the women keep saying they cant make it to dates and stuff?? any other opinions on how I may be percieved etc? thnks a lot

 

[MikeYikes122]

I don't know, I mean this girl seems like a basket case man. I think you're taking the ****iness a little too far. If I were you, I would probably move on. My friend who is a real nice, good guy got involved with a 7.5-8 who acted like this, and it crushed him. She constantly acted like he was just "the boyfriend." She was always quick to point out how many guys liked her, and how good she is doing in her sports and school.

I'm no psychic, but it seems like you genuinely aren't a ****y person. If you were truely ****y, you wouldn't be posting on this site. I used to try to put on this "jerk" persona, and I really only got girls who wanted to treat me like sh*t. I know this goes against the cardinal rule or whatever of this site, but just be yourself. If you actually get anywhere important with this girl or with any other girl, your true personality is going to come out eventually. I dropped my jerk act, and just became myself: a funny, nice, sweet guy. Granted, some ****iness is added occassionally only when I need to prove myself somewhere. I very rarely hook-up with chicks at parties, but it's no big deal to me. I'm just not a hook-up guy, but ever since I dropped my "jerk" act there has always been at least one girl who has had a crush on me.

Regardless of all this man, I mean think this girl needs a jerk, and she is seeing right through all your "kino" B.S. Once again, I'm no psychic, but she is probably just boosting her own confidence off of you. When a girl needs a jerk, that's pretty much a big sign of immaturity, which means she probably can't even handle the relationship you're looking for.

I think this kino crap is making you come off as calculated and nervous. So if you are a sweet, nice, and funny guy, just start acting like it. You'll eventually attract a girl who wants a nice guy. Look for the ones who are in or just have come from bad relationships, and sweep them off their feet. Bad relationships seem to show girls what they want/need. This kino stuff can't be pulled off by everyone man. I know I sure as hell can't do it....

 

[Pecker]

You came on way, way too strong here. I'm sorry to tell you this, but it reeked of desperation.

I then tell her that we should see each other next thursday. and she says sure. she says she cant or some **** like that.

This is your first big clue that this girl is not very interested. She said "Sure" then in the same breath said she was busy?

she gets closer to me so I put my arm around her waist and keep it there. but shes like "take it off, we`re already past the lampost" all *****y and sh!t

Second big clue.

anyway I put my arm around her shoulder like a minute later and ask her why seh doesnt like it

Like not listening to her and begging her in one fell swoop will make her madly horny for you. You're digging your own grave on this one.

then she keeps talking and I just nod like I dont even care about what shes saying

Would ANYONE, regardless of age or gender, want to talk to someone who just doesn't care about what they have to say? You might as well just tell her "you are an object to me, i don't see you as anything but a pvssy."

and I tell her "oh no ur always saying stup!d sh!t but if u want to, sure Ill say something" but I tell her this while smiling.

Insult plus smile doesn't equal Neg Ht. You can tell her she's a stupid dumb trailertrash wh0re who sucks her father's c0ck while smiling, but I bet you she'll still be offended.

"yeah u call me special and different , but when I put my arm around you ( i put my arm around her as I say this - I also touched her several times on the shoulders before) utell me to take it off! how absurd!"

You very tactfully fail to describe her response to this. Did she diss you? Or did she roll her eyes and look away and freeze up and try to get out of your death grip?

I tel her I have to go another way so we part ways with a kiss on the shick (thats how we say bye and hello in my country" and she crosses the street but then I remember something and cross the street as well and tell her "so r u gonna keep playing hard to get "all of this with the best ****y smile I could manage at the moment and she like "oh no I dont , Im just very busy and blah blah blah"

This pretty much hammers the nail on the grave you've been diggin yourself with this girl. You let her go...she feels this overwhelming sense of relief...then you come back for more? You ask her why she's playing hard to get? Dude, this girl wants no part of you to be in any part of her, I'm sorry.

I don't claim to be any expert, I have so much to learn myself. Picking apart this post is as much a way of training myself as it is of critiquing you...

You just acted way too needy here. I think Doc Love is right in that attraction is usually generated before kino is ever really appropriate. Initiating premature--and in your case, insistent and intrusive--kino is a dead giveaway of inattentiveness and insecurity. We get this idea in our heads that we MUST have kino NOW! otherwise we won't score. Kino is the end all be all!!!

This idea is bad and wrong. Webster's should invent a word for what this idea is, like "badwrong" or "badong." (to all the fellow kung pao fans)

And yes, this idea surely is badong. Kino doesn't make her attracted, kino is what happens after she's attracted. Kino is the symptom of a greater disease. If you force yourself to cough, over and over again, will that give you the flu?

 

[wise_mage]

Originally posted by MikeYikes122
I don't know, I mean this girl seems like a basket case man. I think you're taking the ****iness a little too far. If I were you, I would probably move on. My friend who is a real nice, good guy got involved with a 7.5-8 who acted like this, and it crushed him. She constantly acted like he was just "the boyfriend." She was always quick to point out how many guys liked her, and how good she is doing in her sports and school.

I'm no psychic, but it seems like you genuinely aren't a ****y person. If you were truely ****y, you wouldn't be posting on this site. I used to try to put on this "jerk" persona, and I really only got girls who wanted to treat me like sh*t. I know this goes against the cardinal rule or whatever of this site, but just be yourself. If you actually get anywhere important with this girl or with any other girl, your true personality is going to come out eventually. I dropped my jerk act, and just became myself: a funny, nice, sweet guy. Granted, some ****iness is added occassionally only when I need to prove myself somewhere. I very rarely hook-up with chicks at parties, but it's no big deal to me. I'm just not a hook-up guy, but ever since I dropped my "jerk" act there has always been at least one girl who has had a crush on me.

Regardless of all this man, I mean think this girl needs a jerk, and she is seeing right through all your "kino" B.S. Once again, I'm no psychic, but she is probably just boosting her own confidence off of you. When a girl needs a jerk, that's pretty much a big sign of immaturity, which means she probably can't even handle the relationship you're looking for.

I think this kino crap is making you come off as calculated and nervous. So if you are a sweet, nice, and funny guy, just start acting like it. You'll eventually attract a girl who wants a nice guy. Look for the ones who are in or just have come from bad relationships, and sweep them off their feet. Bad relationships seem to show girls what they want/need. This kino stuff can't be pulled off by everyone man. I know I sure as hell can't do it....

ok dude - several things:
-you never need to prove yourself anywhere. an alpha male does not have the necessity to prove himself to anyone at any time. he is to confident to do so.
- how do u know that I am looking for a long term relationship? did I mention this somewhere? why do u think that I am?
- my kino is not bullsh!t man. urs might be, but mine is not. I can pull it off, because I can do anything I want to do. I do not focuss on results but on the processes. kino is a fun tool I use to build sexual rapport with girls and it works better than not using it. finally, kino is not crap.
- so that means that no one in this site is truly ****y according to you, just because we post here? and no, I think she deserved my cokmment on her saying stupid Sh!t all the time. she should be grateful that I even talk to her. funny how she doesnt think this way. I did not think I toock the ****iness too far.
-last but not least, nice guys finish last. men will be nice when nice guys get laid. I will never sit down and surrender and settle for being a nice guy when I can improve myself. I want to have a lot of sex throughout my life so I need to learn how to properly seduce the women I want and that takes years my friend. winners never quit. quitters never win.

u seem like to much of a nice guy. its ok if thats what u want but thats not what I want. I want to command respect out of girls and not have them using me for boosting ego purposes.

 

[-Zero_h0uR-]

Wise,

You are totally misreading her.

The instant she told you to take her arm off her shoulder, she said she doesn't like to be touched, and she saw a cute guy, then asked if you were friends with him?

Dude. The only way she could be more direct is if she said "yo, wise mage... stop it, I don't like you."

You can't fix this, because she's not interested. She's been way aloof, and when you asked if she is gonna keep playing hard to get, and she said "oh, no i don't," she was being totally honest. She doesn't probably play hard to get. If she's interested in a guy, she probably throws the signals out like crazy.

Unsalvageable. Move on, dude.

Pecker also had a great breakdown of things to notice.

Also... use paragraphs, dude. Reading that was killing me .


-- Zero-

 

[Microphone Fiend]

yea, it's time to move on, but I liked your persistency and ability to brush off all her remarks nonchalantly, with a couple fixes in your verbal game you should be doing better in no time.

 

[wise_mage]

do u think I came off as confident at least?

 

[ulsterman]

Confident ain't the term. More like "incredibly thick-skinned" or "oblivious to rejection" or "insanely optimistic". It's not confident to pretend all is honkey dorey when a woman has shot you down so brutally as that. Her opinion of you is almost unspeakably awful, but I'll proffer it for your own long-term wellbeing: she thinks you are an obnoxious creep, with the romantic finesse and the hint-taking capacity of a lobotomized caveman. Take it like a man, my friend, I've levelled with you in harsh, ice cold terms. I think you need a radical overhaul of your own self-opinion as well as your technique and your conceptions of what women desire, as overstated and misplaced ****iness is as revolting to a babe as a fat girl saying to you "you want me, don't you". I just don't think you understand any of the basics at all. Overly ****y when a hasty retreat was required, incipient kino without so much as a sniff of a hint of reciprocal interest from her, kamikaze-like persistence when the cause was breathtakingly clearly lost... Boy oh boy, you need some serious instruction. If you think I'm wrong, try that same routine with a few more chicks and reap the same fruitless harvest.

 

[am4591]

Confident maybe but you overdid the ****iness from the sound of your post. That sort of thing is okay at first but you have to get past it. It can't all be c+f.

When she rejected your arm around her, you should've backed off a while, talked to her some, then tried again later. If she just flat out didn't want you touching her, it's time to move on. I'm not saying give up right off the bat, just because she doesn't want your arm around her--try your best to turn it around. But also know when it's time to eject.

 

[wise_mage]

I already said that Im not going to chase the girl anymore.
she lost the chance she had with me when she underwent those attitudes. who the f*ck cares what one dumb b!tch thinks?
u think I have no game. ur wrong. thick skin is what its all about.
while ur average guy might have come hurt after what she said and did I came out of it feeling quite well and happy. especially after I just agreed what she had confirmed moments ago, which was the fact that she said a lot of stupid sh!t.
I did that knowing it was borderline offensive and I loved it.
but she kept talking and walking by my side instead of just saying " u stupid pr!ck" and walking away. she could have done that, but:
either she doesnt have the balls for such a confrontation (bad trait) or she actually wasnt that offended by it.
incrdebly thick skinned, obvlivious to rejection, insanely optimistic, I think those are grat compliments and traits to have. Im proud of having them. thick skinned means I can take anything and learn from it and survive through it. noe thats power right there.
obvlivious to rejection, well of course. thats what not taking things personally is all about. we should all embrace fellow man and if someone acts *****y towards u and u were being cool with them, then its their issue not yours and they can go f*ck themselves.
insanely oprtimistic, now thats a one way ticket to making all of ur dreams come true. if u r capable of finding the best out of a terrible situation then life is going to be wonderful to you because u do appreciatte the miracl and the wonders and opportunities itoffers every single moment.
I dont agree with you ulster man.
I think I have game, and I think that if a chick isnt smart enough to keep play along with me, then she is not worth my time anyway.
my self opinion is great by the way. Im an amazing creature and if some ulsterman or dumb *****y chick dont think so , well I couldnt give less of a damn.
cheers, mate.

 

[krd]

It's funny how you posted this asking for advice on how to improve your game and when people gave it to you, you shot it down completely. Having persistence is one thing, but when she said "don't touch me", I don't think she could have made it much clearer. And then she starts asking you about your friend right in front of you. I consider that to be disrespectful. If she gave a damn about how you felt, she wouldn't bring up such nonsense. It's a subtle way of saying "I think that guy is much better than you."

During your meeting, did she ever show any signs that she was having a good time or happy to be with you?

 

[Quick]

Wise, why post a thread asking about your performance, and then get offended when people answer you and reject everything they say? You seem to have the same problem here that you did with the girl. You don't respond well when someone tells you you're wrong. In both cases you insist that you're in the right and won't seriously consider the alternative.

All of the girls actions point to her having no interest in you. She doesn't make dates with you, she tells you your friend is cute after she already knows you're interested in her, she doesn't want you to touch her. A good quote i've seen around her is "there are no mixed signals, just signs of disinterest that guys fail to recognize." It's not exactly like that, but the essence is true.

Touching a girl enough that she notices and asks you to stop is not Kino. Kino is an innocent touch that can't come across as offensive. Brushing her arm, putting your hand on her back for a second, your knees touching... When a girl says outright not to touch her, then you shouldn't touch her again. This will make her like you less, not more, and if she says "don't touch me", she wasn't that interested to start with.

Going up to her and asking why she is playing hard to get is a bad idea. It makes you look desperate. Even if a girl genuinely liked you, but was playing hard to get, you don't say that. You play the game and turn it around on her.

Being thick skinned is a great trait. It's a numbers game, and you'll be much more successful than an overly sensitive person. But you still need to work on recognizing signs, so that you aren't oblivious to rejection. You need to know when you're being rejected so you can stop wasting your time with women you don't have a chance with, and move on to those who do.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Originally posted by Quick
You seem to have the same problem here that you did with the girl. You don't respond well when someone tells you you're wrong. In both cases you insist that you're in the right and won't seriously consider the alternative.

Yes, exactly what I was thinking

wise, there's some good advice on here, and it's from semi-anonymous guys on the web who've never met you. They're just criticising you just like you requested. Chill, and learn!

I'd add more, but the analysises above are quite indepth and true.

Good luck,
Oscar.

 

[Mr. Delicious]

At first I was like did you post this in a hurry. I could hardly understand what you were saying. Then i read you were from a different country What do you mean you say you walked through a lampost with your arm around her. A lampost is a thin solid outdoor object used for lighting a path. Also, this girl definately doesnt like you. Its time to move on.

 

[ulsterman]

"...shame shall be to him that refuseth instruction" - so saith the Proverb of Solomon.