How do I stop myself from doing this?

[thegator39]

Short history on myself: Was extremely shy as well as very low in self-esteem in my late teens and early 20s. On top of it looked like I was about 17 only with scary facial hair. Two years ago, began to "wake up" started to like myself, starting looking my age on top of it, met an 8/9 who was just getting out of a 3 year LTR...dated her for about a month...a combination of her not being over him and me rushing in too soon ended it. Didn't sleep with her, but fooled around with her, fondled her, fingered her, got a bj, etc. Spent time grieving over her (really liked her, was my type exactly)...got over her eventually.

Since then (this being the past year or so), I've been begging women on pof and okcupid to take my virginity...women that I probably wouldn't give a second thought or look to in person. I'm the "idiot guy" on the dating sites, only I'm fully aware of what I'm doing, fully aware that it probably won't work, but feeling like there's no other alternative.

I got my HB ex because she liked my looks, and on top of it, she was really down to earth, didn't act like a HB...was rather a 5/6 with the looks of an 8/9.

Don't have any approaching skills, still have social problems that I'd rather not get into and will still be there no matter what, so I end up going home, begging AVGs (Average girls) online for sex. Lately I stopped the sex thing and just trying to arrange a meet, and they aren't interested.

I'm probably anywhere from a 5 to 7 in looks depending on what woman you're talking to...but with social impairments that means nothing.

I'm wondering how to stop myself from being one of "those guys" on dating sites, and if possible, man-ing up in real life despite my impairments.

 

[thegator39]

So if someone has a real problem, not another "This AW won't return my texts" post...it doesn't get anywhere?

I will say one thing...I'm much more open minded than I used to be. Since it's just the first time, I'm open to sleeping with an average looking woman (as long as I'm not completely unattracted to her.) The big thing for me if the girl isn't my type and just regular or average is having a curvy ass. I like an hourglass type of ass even on a non HB.

 

[loveshogun]

I'm wondering how to stop myself from being one of "those guys" on dating sites

Now, this might sound unhelpful, but it's what you need to hear.

If you don't want to be one of "those guys" on dating sites, just don't.

No disrespect, but your question is like "how do I stop myself from walking into that pole over there?"

Just don't.

Is someone holding a gun to your head? No. So just don't.

That's one thing people need to get into their heads. Granted, there are a lot of things in our lives that are out of our control. But, there are lots of things in our lives that ARE under our control that some choose to just ignore.

If you're not cool, attractive, charismatic, independent, and a whole other laundry list of things you should be, there is nothing anyone can tell you that will get you the women you want, or anything you want in life for that matter.

So, work on being the things you want to be. Because until then, you won't be getting what you want.

and if possible, man-ing up in real life despite my impairments.

It is possible. People who are just like you in other parts of the world, where everything isn't given to them, do it every day. For them, it's life or death. Someone IS pointing a gun to their head.

But what about you? The worst that happens when you don't put in effort is a girl says no. Honestly, big whup.

Consider that, in America, the worst goddamn day of your entire life will never be as bad as an AVERAGE day for someone in a third world country.

So, realize that you don't have impairments. If you were missing your legs, or maybe if you were poor (I'm talking off-the-boat-from-Haiti-poor), then maybe. But from what you've said, you have no impairments. You only have advantages that you're ignoring.

All of this stuff about how you have disadvantages... if you know what they are, you should be fixing them. You already answered your own question.

Not in shape? Get in shape. No money? Get more jobs, get more experience? Socially awkward? Talk to more people.

And most importantly, be ready to accept a whole lot of failure before you attain success, because the price of success in life isn't gonna lower itself just because you think you don't have what it takes to pay.

So, stop thinking about reasons why you're "failing," and just DO something about it. Keep your eyes open, and learn.

Everyone thinks success with women and life is a mystery. They're fooling themselves.

 

[thegator39]

I'm not looking to be a pimp or a cool guy, I'm realistic. Like I said, my problems are greater than you realize, but I don't want to elaborate to strangers on a website. I just want to lose the V card to someone who isn't fat or ugly or crazy. I'm not looking to do a HB, let alone many HBs. I know how the game works and what attracts HBs...I lucked out with my ex plain and simple that I was her physical type.

You shouldn't have to have game or something special to do a 5 or a 6, especially when you aren't ugly, fat, and exercise.

Edit: One thing I want to add for the virgins in their late teens/early 20s reading this:

1.)Get your head sh*t together first.

2.)If you have an easy opportunity along the way, and she isn't an UG, fattie or someone you just don't like at all, take it. I read a post on here once where a guy was at a club and he brought a HB home and she wanted to have sex with him "but he didn't want her to be his first." Not hot enough. It's one round of sex, not the woman you're marrying. Being a virgin in your mid/late 20s will just make things worse.

 

[J. Darko]

If it happened once, it can happen again. You got sex with a super hot girl. That should give you all the confidence in the world.

 

[Anquetil]

All of this stuff about how you have disadvantages... if you know what they are, you should be fixing them. You already answered your own question.

Not in shape? Get in shape. No money? Get more jobs, get more experience? Socially awkward? Talk to more people.

How played out is this? Well... it's completely true.

Until you feel like you have value, until you feel like you can contribute to some high-level betterment of another person's life by being in it... then keep working.

When you feel good about yourself all your engagements flow out of you as if to say: "YOU'RE WELCOME!"

...women then follow.

 

[thegator39]

If it happened once, it can happen again. You got sex with a super hot girl. That should give you all the confidence in the world.

I didn't sleep with her, never got to that point like I said earlier. Your point still stands though. Not only was she attractive (8 to the majority) she was also my type lookswise. Making out with/getting blown by/having your arm around in public with a HB is a big confidence booster as some of you know.

In fact, all of a sudden the kind of HBs that would never look my way were checking me out when I was with her. Edit: Was reading about this phenomenon in another post, makes me think I should make platonic friends with a HB7/HB8 and walk around in public with her giving the impression we're an item.

 

[J. Darko]

I didn't sleep with her, never got to that point like I said earlier. Your point still stands though. Not only was she attractive (8 to the majority) she was also my type lookswise. Making out with/getting blown by/having your arm around in public with a HB is a big confidence booster as some of you know.

In fact, all of a sudden the kind of HBs that would never look my way were checking me out when I was with her. Edit: Was reading about this phenomenon in another post, makes me think I should make platonic friends with a HB7/HB8 and walk around in public with her giving the impression we're an item.

She sucked your meat!! How much more could you possibly want? Don't talk yourself down. Using hot girls as social proof is always good.

 

[penkitten]

back when i was a single chick... i got on some dating sites and made a profile and put up some pictures. you wouldn't believe the messages. tons. never enough time to respond to each one. some would write over and over and get all pissy if i didn't respond to them fast enough.
it was all just a big ego boost in the end, because i felt great logging in to find 200 messages in my inbox.

please keep that in mind when you get on those dating sites.

 

[thegator39]

I'm perfectly aware of the online dating game. Subconsciously, I'm probably hoping by some slight chance, a decent looking woman wants to meet and I can make a move in person.