So, I recently starting dating a HB9 a few weeks ago who has the whole package in terms of her education (doctorate), personality, accomplishments and looks and she seems to be pretty into me. My problem is that she is moving to the area recently (though she is originally raised here and left for several years due to school) and I don't have any family here and I have a small but dispersed group of friends I've made through work and school. I may go out for drinks or dinner 1-2x/week but it will usually be with one other person and rarely in a big group setting of friends. At most, I think I could get 2-3 friends together and that might be difficult. So, if this relationship progresses to the point where she expects to connect with my friends, how do I keep a HB9, who could easily get any guy she wants, when I don't have a busy schedule of social activities to create the impression of value? I have everything else going for me (personality, sense of humor, physique, I also have a doctorate and a job making >180K/yr). For example, when she asks me what I'm doing on random nights, the usually answer is watching TV or nothing much. I've actually lied to her once saying I was out drinking with coworkers. I can't lie to her forever and tell her I'm invited to multiple events and fake a better social life. I can invite her out with one or two friends and have them bring their fiances or girlfriends on occassion. Obviously I should have built a better social support network before even pursuing something like this, but I'm not about to call things off with her. Has anybody been in a situation like this?
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
How do I keep a HB9 without a good social network?
- Thread starter gari
- Start date
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
PrettyBoyAJ
Master Don Juan
Where do you live and what do you do for a living?
You really don't need a social network to date a girl. Just make sure that you keep yourself occupied with doing productive things. Such as going to the gym and working. A girl is supposed to like you... not you and your friends.
Your already putting this girl on a pedestal. Juggle more woman. You don't need a lot of friends to get girls.
You really don't need a social network to date a girl. Just make sure that you keep yourself occupied with doing productive things. Such as going to the gym and working. A girl is supposed to like you... not you and your friends.
Your already putting this girl on a pedestal. Juggle more woman. You don't need a lot of friends to get girls.
I work in the medical field and live on the west coast.
I already know the balance is off and I'm already putting her on a pedestal and I have been careful to avoid calling frequently or seeming desperate at all (though I'm sure this comes off subconsciously regardless). The problem with spinning plates is that I can sometimes be going out with 2-3 women but sometimes I get busy with work and let all of that stuff fall to the wayside and end up attaching to just one girl. So, while I try to look for other plates to spin, I'd also like to try to make things work out with this girl who is WAY above and beyond anybody I've dated in the last few years.
I know she should like me for me but I think it's also important to have a good social network where my only answer when she asks me what's going on is something other than work and exercise. I should be able to say I'm going to a bar with friends or a concert or I was asked out to a house party etc etc.
I already know the balance is off and I'm already putting her on a pedestal and I have been careful to avoid calling frequently or seeming desperate at all (though I'm sure this comes off subconsciously regardless). The problem with spinning plates is that I can sometimes be going out with 2-3 women but sometimes I get busy with work and let all of that stuff fall to the wayside and end up attaching to just one girl. So, while I try to look for other plates to spin, I'd also like to try to make things work out with this girl who is WAY above and beyond anybody I've dated in the last few years.
I know she should like me for me but I think it's also important to have a good social network where my only answer when she asks me what's going on is something other than work and exercise. I should be able to say I'm going to a bar with friends or a concert or I was asked out to a house party etc etc.
First of all i don't believe you need to have "friends" to keep a girl interested, your charisma and the way you make her behave will do the trick. I believe the only reason it is good to have a pretty large social network is the fact that it might keep you from going Oneitis on a woman.
Not having many friends means that most if not all of your attention will be dedicated to her which most of the time will make her run away. The best Dj's out there don't have that many friend because most of the guys out there are Afcs but their charisma attracts many women so their schedules are getting filled by the things they are chasing (kind of ironic)
Anyway what keeps you from getting a social network?? your job? because really you can take some random stuff(climbing, sky dive ect..)
Not having many friends means that most if not all of your attention will be dedicated to her which most of the time will make her run away. The best Dj's out there don't have that many friend because most of the guys out there are Afcs but their charisma attracts many women so their schedules are getting filled by the things they are chasing (kind of ironic)
Anyway what keeps you from getting a social network?? your job? because really you can take some random stuff(climbing, sky dive ect..)
don't worry about it, your best bet is to just own up to it like you don't give a crap and are totally secure about yourself by not caring what she may think if she finds out you have no friends.
HB "do anything fun this weekend?"
gari: "no, my social life sucks"
thats all. focus on areas where you do shine. she like you because of certain attributes you have
that she finds desirable, not because she assumed you have a wonderful social network.
HB "do anything fun this weekend?"
gari: "no, my social life sucks"
thats all. focus on areas where you do shine. she like you because of certain attributes you have
that she finds desirable, not because she assumed you have a wonderful social network.
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
I guess nothing is technically stopping me from making those networks now. I just have to work on it from now on.
I don't think I would come out and say that I dont have a social life. That comment seems to reflect a lot upon my value as a person. The first thing that I think any person would think if they heard that would be that I'm a negative person and that there's a good reason why I have no social life. It seems like the "nuclear" option
I don't think I would come out and say that I dont have a social life. That comment seems to reflect a lot upon my value as a person. The first thing that I think any person would think if they heard that would be that I'm a negative person and that there's a good reason why I have no social life. It seems like the "nuclear" option
LearningSlowly
Master Don Juan
Well it seems to me that you don't need to suddenly have a big and thriving social life, you just need to start going out more, so that you can answer her when she asks what you did this weekend. You don't need to necessarily go with other people.
Maybe try to find some activities club (I know they have this for singles, at least) where you'll be out rock climbing or sky diving or whatever with other people who want to make friends. If you're doing interesting things then you're good, and a social network will probably come naturally.
Maybe try to find some activities club (I know they have this for singles, at least) where you'll be out rock climbing or sky diving or whatever with other people who want to make friends. If you're doing interesting things then you're good, and a social network will probably come naturally.
I disagree with "not having a social life is important". I think it's actually important, it tells a lot who you are as a person.
Gari, I think your main goal for now is to drop the books and focus only on making more friends and find more hobbies. From what you said, you're in the medical field. I know people in the medical fields study their a$z off, which is understandable but I feel that if u wanna keep a girl around, you need to have more than just a good job. You just dated her for several weeks, you don't know everything about her yet. Just my 2 cents.
But hey, if she walks out because she thinks your social life sucks, then she just saved you some time right. No pain there.
Gari, I think your main goal for now is to drop the books and focus only on making more friends and find more hobbies. From what you said, you're in the medical field. I know people in the medical fields study their a$z off, which is understandable but I feel that if u wanna keep a girl around, you need to have more than just a good job. You just dated her for several weeks, you don't know everything about her yet. Just my 2 cents.
But hey, if she walks out because she thinks your social life sucks, then she just saved you some time right. No pain there.
the_stig
Senior Don Juan
Hobbies are key.
My social circle consists of a small, but close group of friends that I might see every week, or two. That doesn't mean I'm sitting around bored in the mean time; between running, cycling, races, autox, tinkering with my cars, flying, collecting milsurps, working out, school, and about 10 other things, my girlfriend has maintained the impression over the past four months that I'm busy, lead an active exciting life, and to cherish her time with me when i'm available. All without an abundance of friends.
Find some activites you enjoy. Not only will you open doors to new friends or girls, but you'll come off as busy, valued and interesting. When you can genuinely convey those traits to a woman, you're in.
My social circle consists of a small, but close group of friends that I might see every week, or two. That doesn't mean I'm sitting around bored in the mean time; between running, cycling, races, autox, tinkering with my cars, flying, collecting milsurps, working out, school, and about 10 other things, my girlfriend has maintained the impression over the past four months that I'm busy, lead an active exciting life, and to cherish her time with me when i'm available. All without an abundance of friends.
Find some activites you enjoy. Not only will you open doors to new friends or girls, but you'll come off as busy, valued and interesting. When you can genuinely convey those traits to a woman, you're in.
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
A good social network is healthy. Healthier than an abundance of solitary hobbies I might add. Solitary hobbies tend to become obsessions...
Anyway, go out and get some semblance of a social network. It doesn't have to be a giant network of ho-banging, coke-snorting, alpha males by the way. It could presumable be as few as three guys you hang out with regularly. Most people have that and more. If you don't I think you need to figure out what is going on with you.
Bros before hoes. If I could tell every lonely guy (and girl) out there one thing it would be bros before hoes. Make (and keep) bros over hoes boys and girls.
Anyway, go out and get some semblance of a social network. It doesn't have to be a giant network of ho-banging, coke-snorting, alpha males by the way. It could presumable be as few as three guys you hang out with regularly. Most people have that and more. If you don't I think you need to figure out what is going on with you.
Bros before hoes. If I could tell every lonely guy (and girl) out there one thing it would be bros before hoes. Make (and keep) bros over hoes boys and girls.