How do I escape the cycle

[orthanc]

I apologize for the essay to follow, but this is as short as I can make this. If you're ADD just read the tl;dr section at the end.

I've flirted with the idea of posting here again about this numerous times, but I always manage to feel good enough by the end of the post that I decide it's not worth the boards time. But I'm sick of this, so I'm availing myself to the greater DJs than I: How do I fvcking break these emotional chains and get out of this never-ending cycle of self-pity and frustration.

Without going into too much detail: I met a girl who I could tell was obviously into me. At first I wasn't very interested, but over time I was more and more intrigued: it's very rare to find someone who can not only put up but also keep up with me. Eventually I started gaming her a little (though it wasn't much of a challenge...) The whole time I was telling myself don't get to attached, etc, there is a high likelihood of this not going anywhere, blah blah blah. But over time that voice receded into the background, and even though it was present up until the inevitable end of what could have been a perfect relationship it was drowned out by other voices more powerful than it.

In short I stumbled off a dangerous cliff when I started believing what my ex said to me about love, etc, and have yet to stop falling. She dumped me over four months ago, and even though most people don't know it I'm still a complete mess inside (though a lot better than I was even a month ago.) Often times, especially around people, I'm perfectly fine, but random things will push me into a deep depression for about a week. I'm trapped in these corners where I'm afraid of doing things which have the potential of reminding me of my ex--like logging on to aim or facebook. Going back home to visit my parents is equally painful because of the memories associated with the house (where I am right now.)

In her defense I think that she meant what she said when she said it, as her actions backed it up until the very end. The fact that Ive never gotten any rationale for why she left or what--if anything--I did wrong (which for the record I don't think I have) just makes this worse. I can't apply this to future relationships without knowing what to improve.

How do I fix this? Does anyone have any idea how to stop this horrible almost manic depressive cycle of feeling like "Yay I'm finally over her!" to "Wow this is the worst I've ever felt?" Because I'm fresh out of ideas. What bothers me most about all this is that it's fvcking 4 months after the fact (and 7 months since I saw her in any real capacity--I went away for a while and came back to this hell.)

tl;dr: How do I get over someone who unintentionally tricked me into loving her.

 

[inerte]

Once I read somewhere that women get over a man in 3 months. They cry a lot, a lot more, than cry and scream. Men suffer in silence (we don't cry!) for an year.

So remember that what you're going through is normal. But you don't have to wait 8 months to forget her. If this were the 50's I would tell you to get drunk, start a fight in the dance club and throw up in the jailhouse.

In short, you need trouble. Or, more precisely, you need something else to worry about. So... wait for it... get another girl.

Or go build rockets. Start hiking. Solve the travelling salesman problem.

Substitute your thoughts about her with something else.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

You gotta stop dwelling on it. Do you have a job, hobbies, or friends? Cause, if you have three of those things you should be busy with that. Not, thinking about her. If that still ain't working; you just gotta find a new girl.

 

[WC2]

This cycle/lifestyle is unhealthy, but believe it or not, almost all men go through it.

I'm sure everyone could sit here and give you our own stories (myself included), but the best advice I can give you is to make progress and heal.

By that, I mean take control of your life little by little each day. If you have to erase this chick from your cell phone just to get her off your mind, then thats what it takes.

I understand what you mean when you say one little thing can throw you into a tailspin. One second you think you're over her and then you hear of your ex banging another dude and suddenly all your feelings for her come back. I've been there, and I'm sure much of these guys have also.

But like I said, if you don't make goals each day for yourself then you will be thinking about this for twice as long. Make yourself go out at night. Make yourself do things. Keep yourself busy.

The worst thing you want to be doing is sitting on these forums talking about it, because you're just embedding her MORE into your memory.

I understand you needed to get this out on paper, but from now on make it a priority to forget this chick. I promise you that there's light at the end of the tunnel. Soon enough there will be no more feelings left and you will once again be a new man.

Look forward to that.