High Value

[coachD]

I'm new here, but I've been reading lots of the info. One of the themes I keep seeing is "high value" as in being the center of attention or at least highly regarded by others, especially women. How does this happen? I'm very independent and frankly would rather spend a large chunk of my time alone. But as I get older I long for a solid relationship and someone to share life with.

How do you get to be the "high value" kind of guy when you'd rather sit at the end of the bar and watch the game? Do I need to find a bunch of guys to run with for the sole purpose of appearing high value? Maybe if they're married I can get their wives to fawn over me.

 

[The Gambler]

I'm new here, but I've been reading lots of the info. One of the themes I keep seeing is "high value" as in being the center of attention or at least highly regarded by others, especially women. How does this happen? I'm very independent and frankly would rather spend a large chunk of my time alone. But as I get older I long for a solid relationship and someone to share life with.

How do you get to be the "high value" kind of guy when you'd rather sit at the end of the bar and watch the game? Do I need to find a bunch of guys to run with for the sole purpose of appearing high value? Maybe if they're married I can get their wives to fawn over me.

Hi Coach,

My interpretation of "high value" is a man who is doing things with his life.... Since we can't do it all, you get to choose what the "things" are. The beauty of it is, if you are true to yourself and your interests, you'll generally attract women who have the same interests.

If you are passionate about coaching kids, for example, and are good at relating to your young players, soon enough you'll have those hot mommy-minded women coming for you. If you choose to be a police officer or firefighter, you'll get your share of bat-sh!t crazy groupies as well as women who are looking for a classic take-charge man. Even if you're an accountant, lots of women are turned on by sharp guys with business sense.

Even if you just coach or do some other community-oriented thing on the side, you'll still have the opportunity to network with men and women alike. I try to never miss the chance to meet someone, regardless of whether they're male or female, attractive or not. Certain hobbies might also impress different types of women (dancing comes to mind).

Women are very visual, contrary to what many men might think. Always look sharp (but appropriate) for where you are and what you are doing. Personally, I'd rather be slightly overdressed versus underdressed. A woman usually looks for a guy who has a style compatible with her own, so it is important to demonstrate value in that area.

I'm an introvert myself, and am married to one. Introverts are highly compatible, so be on the lookout for quiet women who look sheepish and uncomfortable around you. If you're looking sharp and confident, there's a good chance they're introverted and interested!

 

[zekko]

How do you get to be the "high value" kind of guy when you'd rather sit at the end of the bar and watch the game?

I don't think you have to be a life of the party guy to have value. To be high value in the dating market, you have to have some attraction factors. Generally these are considered to be looks, money, and status. Or Rollo likes to say: "Looks, assets, game - have two. But if you only have one, have game". Game essentially means you know how to handle a woman, and how to attract and seduce them.

Traditional gender roles say that women want men who can protect and provide for them. So they may like a big, strong guy who makes them feel safe, and/or they may like a guy with assets who can provide financial security to her and her potential offspring.

Or to look at it another way, value is in the eye of the beholder. If the woman thinks you have value, then you do, for her purposes. Or you could say that if you think you are high value, then you have confidence. If you believe it, then they are more likely to believe it.

This reminds me of one this week's featured articles at the top of the page: "What Makes an Average Looking Guy Instantly Become HOT?". What the article says basically, is that if you pass her sh!t tests, you become HOT. Well, okay, life should be so easy, lol.

 

[synergy1]

I used to be a little bit like this and will tell you that being an outliar will not help your cause. The idea of creating value is that you bring value to a social group vis personality, hospitality and the like. Believe it or not, its just as much about winning over people as it is creating value to women. When you are the fulcrum to people enjoying themselves, this will create value.

So someone in your shoes should be trying to emulate this on some level. Don't make a group of friends because you want to appear to have higher social value - people will see through this and you will be miserable. Rather, make friends with people you find yourself being yourself around and can have a good time. Having friends who like to go out, and wheel and deal helps a lot too since similar interests will give everyone something in common. Obviously don't focus ones efforts around that, but rather enjoying the weekends and the time when not at work.

I see a problem in your overall approach - you want to be social only to an end. You want to artificially create value so you can withdraw from the scene with your women and live happily ever after. This is a recipe for disaster and you will either 1- not meet a women or 2- have to settle since you will find its impossible to approach finding a gf in this manner. It has to start and end with you and a lifestyle. I am not saying for you to go clubbing 2 times per week all the time, but you have to get out there in a genuine fashion and have true comradery in order to enlist the interest of desirable women.

 

[coachD]

I see a problem in your overall approach - you want to be social only to an end. You want to artificially create value so you can withdraw from the scene with your women and live happily ever after. This is a recipe for disaster and you will either 1- not meet a women or 2- have to settle since you will find its impossible to approach finding a gf in this manner. It has to start and end with you and a lifestyle. I am not saying for you to go clubbing 2 times per week all the time, but you have to get out there in a genuine fashion and have true comradery in order to enlist the interest of desirable women.

Wow. Nail on the head. Thanks for the responses. This is what I need to do. I need to find some way to truly enjoy being social. Volunteer work comes to mind. I might try that. I've just enjoyed being alone for so long that 40 is staring me in the face. It doesn't seem healthy.