Hey all: The new guy & his issues

[boogalooboy]

Hey guys and girls?

Ive been looking at this site for the passed month or so and reading various bible aricles and downloaded the bootcamp. Its certainly eye opening stuff and i took it on board into my frame of thinking without question. Reading and doing are 2 different things though and im having trouble taking that first step.

I come frome england and ive been living in australia for about 10 years now. I remember when i was younger and i first started school here, girls would come up and tell me to talk and then laugh. Or when i say something they would say stuff about my accent etc. Nothing bad but i think it contributed and traumatized me today. Im quite a shy person. I get discouraged easily and i hate it when people ask me "What?" when i say something, because of my accent. Deep down i know if i said it confidently and loud my accent wouldnt matter and chicks may even dig it. But im just to shy to do that. Its wierd. At home i am totally loud and with my friends i am, i am even the alpha among some friends, so i know i have it in me to be an alpha male all over and be a leader. Its just places like work and uni im quiet. Its like i have split personalities depending on where i am. Its like now i feel if i was to just suddenly become a loud guy it would just be wierd. I even considered just quitting everything, work, uni and doing totally different jobs, courses and starting fresh and on my first day just be loud etc. But i dunno if itll help, id probably just be quiet again.

Lately ive been caring alot less and i talk more and not give a **** and there have been less people saying "what?" or giving me wierd looks. I honestly dont know what it is. Chicks at work talk to all the other guys but not me. They always look at me but wont say anything. I think i have a trouble with self conciousness too. Like if i talk to a chick i will recite how i spoke to her later on and see if i sounded dumb or not, or look in the mirror to see how i looked. I know i have to always make the first moves on girls, and they wont usually say HI first. On a few occasions a girl has started up a convo with me and intro'd themselves but next time we cross paths i will never say hi first, and i think that they think "Well fvuck that i intro'd myself its up to him to sya hi" . So now basically at work and uni i just have a bunch of girls who ive talked to but just dont carry on talking to.

Im 20 years old and ive slept with 2 girls. I think its quite pathetic i met em online. I dont have any friends that are girls and i never really have. I dunno were to start. I really wanna improve and i know i have it in me to improve since with my friends i am a different person, the real me. I do have a confident side and i dunno why i just dont show it everywhere. IM not ugly and im pretty sure if i made the effort id probably get somewhere with girls in work and uni but i dunno why i just cant do it. Ive been working on the eye contact thing in the bible and thats going pretty well. Next step saying "Hi" to random people. Hmm i think i can do it.

But i honestly dont fvucking know whats wrong with me, and hoping somebody can give me advice or something?

 

[Slickster]

Man you sound like a DJ ready to bust out in a big way.

You are self concious about your accent and that is too bad because chicks go nuts for guys with an accent. I lived with 5 chicks a few years back. You should have seen how crazy they went when an English buddy of mine came to stay with us for a while. They didn't even know him and he wasn't even that good looking. They just loved his accent.

Your real problem lies in the fact that you are worried about what people think of you. Confidence is a tough thing to learn overnight. There are many posts about the idea so keep reading.

There's nothing really to say to you other than you have to change your mindset.

Stop giving a fvck about what people think!

How's that for a kick in the pants?

Seriously, just focus on being the ****y+funny Aussie/English bloke with the crazy accent. Next time you say something and someone says, "What?" Just start laughing. Then say, "Sorry, I know my accent is strange. I can't figure it out though, I'm from England! I thought we invented this language."

Honestly man, people are going to really warm up to you soon enough. As long as you keep a smile on your face and show that you aren't afraid of being a little different. You might be surprised how many people will go out of their way to make you feel comfortable once they realize you are an approachable guy who is from out of country.

Good luck

 

[boogalooboy]

well that was a real cool thing to say. I do believe in myself, so hopefully you are right. I know deep down you are totally right, that i care way too much what other people think, but its automatic. I need something in my head to just switch off or something.

i guess its about baby steps to begin with and gradually learning how to walk then run. (run game even) lol. I used ot hold girls up on a pedestal but now i dont think i do. Lately ive been practising looking at hot girls like theyre nothing and walking near them with ease, and i can do that fine without embarressment or worrying if they check me out. I actually have the confidence to look them in the eye and blantently check them out sometimes, but god forbid if they were to so say something id probably just turn into a complete spaz.... Somtimes i even go red in some situations when girls talk to me. Inside im like "Why am i going red? im not embarresed its just a HB3 ugly girl" but it jsut comes... its annoying. I think i suck at just taking the jump.

Ive been breaking for 2 years now aswell and ive just started to hit up clubs and my friends will make room for me to break and ill be too ***** to just take that step and bust infront of a crowd. Im starting to think it relates. I mean i know 100% most people will love it and cheer, since i did it once when i was fvcked up but **** i duno what it is.

I think my inner-self must shine through to my outside, and putting people off or something

Is it possible to be afraid of what people think even if they think good about u?? its so frustrating!!

 

[Slickster]

Yeah man I feel ya.

That switch you need to flick is in your mind. And only you can flip it. You just have to say Fcuk it and go for it.

You need to continually put yourself into situations that make you feel uncomfortable, nervous, etc. The more you do this the more confident you will become. Kind of like the time you were drunk and were busting dance moves. People loved it. After you were done you probably felt quite a rush and thought that wasn't so bad.

That is exactly the feeling you have to go for every day. Confront your fears and prevail. Its the key to confidence. Each time you do this give yourself a pat on the back for having balls enough to face your demons and remind yourself how nobody really gives a shyt so why should you.

Your fears are all in your head. They are not real.

Good luck bro.