Help with keeping a convo going

[Dave_Hanson]

I started school on monday the spring/summer semester and there is a very attractive girl in my class, well normally i would just sit around and think about talking to her but yesterday i actually took the initiative and started talkin with her, but once you get all the normal chit chat outta the way i found it difficult to keep it going, i don't know if she is just shy or not interested, but once you get all the boring stuff outta the way such as whats your major, how you like the class, what else you taking, once all that is done how do you keep it going???? I must say i was quite proud of myself that i was actually able to randomly approach her and start talking but now i need to be able to do this again and now i need some new conversation topics, i was thinkin about askin if she wants to study before the test, is this a good idea? What can i approach her with next time i am in class???

Help me out here!!!!

 

[stallion]

I would use open-ended questions like "what do you think about the professor?"

or talk about her background, comment plus ask more things about her to evoke her to say more about herself.

Look for the surroundings, and her accessories as a clue to find the next topic.

As for asking her to study with you, I would not do that. Especially if you're going on a first date, you should make it a point to make it fun so she'll associate you with the pleasant memories when she sees you. Thats why 1st impression is important. Don't take her out to movies, coffee where you can "only" talk. Do active things like bowling, hiking, biking, or whatever that is fun and "short" so she'll look forward to more.

 

[xblitz44x]

She's not talking because she's still uncomfortable. In the beginning rapport is fragile. If she likes you then she is worried about saying something that might make her sound weird or bad. Plus, since there isn't that much rapport, she doesn't think it's *OK* to talk about what she wants.

That means that YOU have to lead her through the conversation by talking about things yourself. Talk about the class and how you like it, or dislike it, and how you want to work for NASA when you get older. Then you can ask her what SHE wants to do after you've lead her. When she gives you a response, REWARD her for it. Make her feel good about it by giving her a reaction to it. Ex: Oh WOW that's awesome! That way she will feel encouraged to do that again. When you go ****y/funny you are telling her to come out and contribute, then when she finally does you bash her over the head. Not the most effective method, IMO.

Then go to something else, maybe use a tangent from HER response. Again, you speak and make statements. And then turn that into a question. She will feel more comfortable because you are walking out into the unknown, and she can just follow you. As more rapport is built, the more she'll contribute.

You can't expect her to warm and open up, if you don't do it first.

-Blitz

 

[Dave_Hanson]

anything else??

Any other comments?

Another question I got, is how to find out if she has a boyfriend! Is the best way to just directly ask or should you be slick about it?