Without commitments and responsibilities to a predominant other—a partner, a child—I’ve found myself wanting to identify what commitments and responsibilities I will choose to hold. To shape a life that has its own rituals, events to assign meaning to and rules to live by. Even if only that I will change my bedsheets once a week. Get eight hours of sleep a night. Make sure my nieces and nephews know I love them. Use up leftovers rather than spend money on take-aways. Hang out with my cats. Remember birthdays, sad anniversaries. Put out sunflower hearts for the birds. If I begin to fail in my personal and domestic routines, I sense that something is up, that more disorder could elbow in. These routines are the tenets of my selfcare, and gesture toward self-love.
