Handling a FB

[sinnerman]

how do you guys deal with fbs ? the one I'm screw*ng around with does this thing where everytime after we do the thing she'll start saying stuff like she feels like slvt & she feels like a piece of sh*t and so on. I dont know how to deal with this. She doesn't want to be in a relationship but she's very attracted to me. But its like a hurdle race Ive to run every time I want to see her. And most times she'd say she won't meet this that bla bla bla but once we meet its crazy between us. Last time she said we have to stop coz she's scared of the future and that we should not be doing this coz its wrong and so on.

So today(48 hours) after last time we were together supposedly for the last time, I texted her that Ive the place with me tonight & I wanted to show her some of my childhood videos she wanted to see sometimes back if she wants to hang around. She texts me back few minutes later ''no no no no no no,Stop !''
So I text her back ''ok, its not like I'm asking you to come & feed the sharks with me..why such a reactionary response & in case you change your mind hit me up Im sure we will have more fun than whatever else it is you're doing''

So she texts me '' your offers are very hard to deny. But what to do''
At this point I was wondering if she's just playing with me stroking my ego or its a signal that she can be persuaded. I texted her back ''are you just being nice & stroking my ego or do you mean it. If you like the offer dont deny, it will be fun & exciting''

No response as of yet. I was wondering if the last text was an AFC move. I mean I dont know how to handle this situation. I do wanna see her but not come off as desperate and ruin everything. Should I call her up tonight

 

[mahoney]

she seems conflicted about the whole thing, its not uncommon

don't think there's particularly a right way to play this because it depends on how the girl views it (especially as it seems she doesn't have a consistent way of viewing it, so the right way to respond on one day might not be the right way to respond on a different day)

i think the main thing to avoid is falling into the trap of trying to persuade her - you'll know yourself when you are about to do this, when you move from suggesting something to trying to persuade, if there is resistance - better to let that particular instance go, then pick it up at another time instead

 

[sinnerman]

she seems conflicted about the whole thing, its not uncommon

don't think there's particularly a right way to play this because it depends on how the girl views it (especially as it seems she doesn't have a consistent way of viewing it, so the right way to respond on one day might not be the right way to respond on a different day)

i think the main thing to avoid is falling into the trap of trying to persuade her - you'll know yourself when you are about to do this, when you move from suggesting something to trying to persuade, if there is resistance - better to let that particular instance go, then pick it up at another time instead

thanks for the response. you're absolutely right about her being in a conflict. she is one of those spiritual types where sex outside of marriage is wrong & all but she still enjoys ''sinning'' with me.

btw i did call her up the previous night(thinking you miss 100% of the chances you don't take). I asked her if she wants to catch up. She said no as we decided we're not meeting again.I told her if she's uncomfortable meeting at my place then we can hang outside & do ''normal stuff''. She said no we're not supposed to meet coz things dont remain ''normal'' & we have to stop. I asked if she was serious when she said my offers are hard to deny or was just being nice. She said she meant it and at one point was excited about meeting but then decided against it.

I told her ''Ok sorry for bothering you & I think you're right, maybe the way we parted last time was the perfect way to end this in case you change your mind don't be a stranger''.

I know very anti-challenge but it just came out..as of writing this she's online on one of the instant messengers but neither one of us have said anything. I think I'll maintain radio silence with this one until she contacts me now.

Its a conflict of emotions vs logic here. logically she thinks what she's doing is wrong. fooling herself, her parents & going against her values. emotionally she loves the ''high'' she gets with me. How do I make her emotions triumph the logic thats the real issue. I am also assuming the IL is somewhere between medium to low coz a chic with high IL would not make excuses.

 

[mahoney]

try not to focus on whether her IL is low, medium, or high - it could actually be all of these things, at different times. Also people do things which are the opposite of what they actually want, at times. its best not to think in these terms particulary (especially as if you assume a certain level you think that it will stay that way - best not to think in those terms at all)

I would suggest not getting embroiled in discussions about whats going to happen - thats sort of not particularly fun and makes everything seem a little bit too serious - also when you are sort of pressing for something (whatever it is) it can have the effect of pushing away

(that thing where you are both on messenger but neither is saying anything is a bit strange isn't it - never entirely sure how i feel about when that happens - if i notice this particularly scenario i tend to turn messenger off)

 

[sinnerman]

try not to focus on whether her IL is low, medium, or high - it could actually be all of these things, at different times. Also people do things which are the opposite of what they actually want, at times. its best not to think in these terms particulary (especially as if you assume a certain level you think that it will stay that way - best not to think in those terms at all)

I would suggest not getting embroiled in discussions about whats going to happen - thats sort of not particularly fun and makes everything seem a little bit too serious - also when you are sort of pressing for something (whatever it is) it can have the effect of pushing away

(that thing where you are both on messenger but neither is saying anything is a bit strange isn't it - never entirely sure how i feel about when that happens - if i notice this particularly scenario i tend to turn messenger off)

i will.thanks for the advice.
about the messenger thing i felt like saying hi to her but i figured why bother..dint want to turn it off and let her think that I'm running away from her or avoiding her.

 

[Ace_Magnamus]

find a new f buddy

she is immature to handle it

doesnt want a relationship then complains about the f buddy sex.

she is confused and immature. she shouldnt even be having sex then.

is she good in the sack?

sounds like you already did. why did you want to show her childhood movies for? strange.

she said no then you bother her more. you should of stopped after no

dont call her or text. let her text and call you to set up the sex that she complains about.

you should look for a new chick who doesnt complain about the sex

Happy Hunting!

 

[mahoney]

dint want to turn it off and let her think that I'm running away from her or avoiding her.

this is a really common and classic mistake...and kind of a little bit narcissistic when you think about it! its only because YOU are focussed on whether you are messaging at any one time that you would think that, she won't think that! only people who are overthinking things would even think this! and...you're going to log off messenger at some point anyway! so what would be the difference?

just because you are second guessing motives for things like logging out of messenger or messaging whjen they are there, dont assume the other person is

 

[sinnerman]

find a new f buddy

she is immature to handle it

doesnt want a relationship then complains about the f buddy sex.

she is confused and immature. she shouldnt even be having sex then.

is she good in the sack?

sounds like you already did. why did you want to show her childhood movies for? strange.

she said no then you bother her more. you should of stopped after no

dont call her or text. let her text and call you to set up the sex that she complains about.

you should look for a new chick who doesnt complain about the sex

Happy Hunting!

agreed with all the points about her being immature. the movies thing she had asked me to show her sometimes back so i brought it up. i mean i just cant tell her to come over so we can screw around especially since 2 days back we were supposedly doing it for the last time. i kept going at it coz this girl requires working before she agrees to meet up so i tried especially since she said that my offers are hard to deny.

 

[sinnerman]

this is a really common and classic mistake...and kind of a little bit narcissistic when you think about it! its only because YOU are focussed on whether you are messaging at any one time that you would think that, she won't think that! only people who are overthinking things would even think this! and...you're going to log off messenger at some point anyway! so what would be the difference?

just because you are second guessing motives for things like logging out of messenger or messaging whjen they are there, dont assume the other person is

when i logged in she was already online. so i dint log off immediately. are you implying i should remove her from IM to avoid this situation ?