40quid
Don Juan
I haven't posted here in ages, but I peek in here periodically just to see how things are going. Back in 2003, when I first found this place through a friend of mine, I was familiar with the PUA community, but was not having any real success. Sure, I've gotten a few numbers and dates here and there, but I really wasn't meeting or dating the type of women I wanted to date.
I realized that for so long, my standards were unreasonably high, due to the images that I'd see in the media or Internet. Internet porn was a quick and easy substitute for dealing with real women. Real women have personalities, quirks, moods, and LIVES that seemed scary and "too much trouble". Porn was easy. The girls in porn were always there and ready to go.
Then, after a few years of trying material on-and-off, I left the community and poured myself into achieving things besides trying to meet women. I concentrated at my studies and ended up with a really good job. I got in shape by first working out with a trainer and then spending time learning how to eat properly. I fixed my persistent acne issue that sapped my self-confidence for years. Even though I'd left the community, I never forgot the lessons I learned from the time out in the field trying things. After I left the community, I never consciously tried to "game" women, but I kept all the inner game, push-pull concepts in mind.
A couple of years ago, I met and dated a girl that seemed to fit the type that I'd wanted for years. She was gorgeous. However, once I got to know her, I realized that girls like that are kind of a fantasy. Like anyone else, she had problems, moods, and in her case, severe self-confidence issues, even though she was attractive. She was deathly afraid of losing her looks, since she had never really developed anything else (let's just say that she wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer). She had a sense of entitlement about her and wanted to be like those girls you see in the media like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashain.
I finally realized that all those things that I'd built up in my head about women who looked like that were all illusions. I'd placed them on a pedestal, like everyone else they'd meet, that was undeserved. I realized that happiness isn't what you see in the media, and what was spoon fed to you since you were a kid about the promise of being with a beautiful girl was false.
If there was nothing else to sustain your relationship besides a physical attraction, it's not going to last. We had nothing in common besides the fact that I wanted to sleep with her and she knew that I had a good job.
Now, I know that a bunch of you are going to say, "well, you picked the wrong hot girl. Not all hot girls are like that." And you would be right. Not all of them are like that. But that experience taught me that I shouldn't put hot women on a pedestal just because they are hot. That seems so elementary for a bunch of you, I know, but it was an important lesson for me to learn.
After that experience, I dated a bit, but wasn't able to find someone I really connected with. However, during most of this time, I was very good friends with this one girl. I had considered dating her, but I really didn't think that we were each other's type. I finally just was content to be her friend. That experience taught me to be more natural around women, even women that I found attractive. During this time, I dated women, but none too consistently.
Then, one day I realized that she felt the same way for me. The transition from friends to something more took a bit to get used to, but since we knew each other so well, in some ways it was easier.
Our relationship is for the most part, great. That doesn't mean that we don't get into arguments and disagreements (we're in the midst of one right now), but I think that the foundation that we laid as friends helps us give each other more of the benefit of the doubt in each other's sanity than if we had just met each other and started dating right away. I can't say that we're definitely going to get married and have kids. But I'm probably happier now that I've been in a long time. This just feels right, for the most part.
I just had to have the courage to face all the difficult issues that I didn't want to face in the beginning. One of the major issues was that I was a virgin well into my 20s. I'd spent most of my adolescence and early adulthood waiting for the "perfect girl". In the mean time, I'd just take care of my urges myself. Don't do this. Unless you're a virgin for religious reasons, take the opportunities (within reason) as they come along. I don't think that when it comes down to it, you're going to think, when you're on your deathbed, "man, I wish I'd passed up more opportunities with beautiful women who were interested in me when I was younger."
So, what's the point in this long and winding post? Well, I'm just trying to say to the people who are struggling to have hope and to develop something other than trying to game women all the time. If you're not having the success you want, maybe it's because the other things in your life aren't quite handled yet. Maybe you're just too sensitive and insecure about major things in your life that you haven't completely worked through yet.
Have hope. The shows like the "Pickup Artist" want to make you believe that success can come from a "boot camp". However, true success comes from living life, one step at a time, discovering and working through one issue at a time.
I realized that for so long, my standards were unreasonably high, due to the images that I'd see in the media or Internet. Internet porn was a quick and easy substitute for dealing with real women. Real women have personalities, quirks, moods, and LIVES that seemed scary and "too much trouble". Porn was easy. The girls in porn were always there and ready to go.
Then, after a few years of trying material on-and-off, I left the community and poured myself into achieving things besides trying to meet women. I concentrated at my studies and ended up with a really good job. I got in shape by first working out with a trainer and then spending time learning how to eat properly. I fixed my persistent acne issue that sapped my self-confidence for years. Even though I'd left the community, I never forgot the lessons I learned from the time out in the field trying things. After I left the community, I never consciously tried to "game" women, but I kept all the inner game, push-pull concepts in mind.
A couple of years ago, I met and dated a girl that seemed to fit the type that I'd wanted for years. She was gorgeous. However, once I got to know her, I realized that girls like that are kind of a fantasy. Like anyone else, she had problems, moods, and in her case, severe self-confidence issues, even though she was attractive. She was deathly afraid of losing her looks, since she had never really developed anything else (let's just say that she wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer). She had a sense of entitlement about her and wanted to be like those girls you see in the media like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashain.
I finally realized that all those things that I'd built up in my head about women who looked like that were all illusions. I'd placed them on a pedestal, like everyone else they'd meet, that was undeserved. I realized that happiness isn't what you see in the media, and what was spoon fed to you since you were a kid about the promise of being with a beautiful girl was false.
If there was nothing else to sustain your relationship besides a physical attraction, it's not going to last. We had nothing in common besides the fact that I wanted to sleep with her and she knew that I had a good job.
Now, I know that a bunch of you are going to say, "well, you picked the wrong hot girl. Not all hot girls are like that." And you would be right. Not all of them are like that. But that experience taught me that I shouldn't put hot women on a pedestal just because they are hot. That seems so elementary for a bunch of you, I know, but it was an important lesson for me to learn.
After that experience, I dated a bit, but wasn't able to find someone I really connected with. However, during most of this time, I was very good friends with this one girl. I had considered dating her, but I really didn't think that we were each other's type. I finally just was content to be her friend. That experience taught me to be more natural around women, even women that I found attractive. During this time, I dated women, but none too consistently.
Then, one day I realized that she felt the same way for me. The transition from friends to something more took a bit to get used to, but since we knew each other so well, in some ways it was easier.
Our relationship is for the most part, great. That doesn't mean that we don't get into arguments and disagreements (we're in the midst of one right now), but I think that the foundation that we laid as friends helps us give each other more of the benefit of the doubt in each other's sanity than if we had just met each other and started dating right away. I can't say that we're definitely going to get married and have kids. But I'm probably happier now that I've been in a long time. This just feels right, for the most part.
I just had to have the courage to face all the difficult issues that I didn't want to face in the beginning. One of the major issues was that I was a virgin well into my 20s. I'd spent most of my adolescence and early adulthood waiting for the "perfect girl". In the mean time, I'd just take care of my urges myself. Don't do this. Unless you're a virgin for religious reasons, take the opportunities (within reason) as they come along. I don't think that when it comes down to it, you're going to think, when you're on your deathbed, "man, I wish I'd passed up more opportunities with beautiful women who were interested in me when I was younger."
So, what's the point in this long and winding post? Well, I'm just trying to say to the people who are struggling to have hope and to develop something other than trying to game women all the time. If you're not having the success you want, maybe it's because the other things in your life aren't quite handled yet. Maybe you're just too sensitive and insecure about major things in your life that you haven't completely worked through yet.
Have hope. The shows like the "Pickup Artist" want to make you believe that success can come from a "boot camp". However, true success comes from living life, one step at a time, discovering and working through one issue at a time.
