Got thrown a (possible) test I've never experienced before

[TheCWord]

So, this is a new one. What would you guys have said?

Girl calls (clearly just to tell me the below)

Girl: My best friend called me last night. She got engaged!
Me: Oh awesome, good for her.
Girl: Yeah I'm so happy for her. They've been together for almost a decade and he's a great guy.
Me: Cool
Girl: I think that's going to be the trigger though.
Me: Hmm?
Girl: For me to start thinking about that. Her and I have always kind of been at the same level and now that she's engaged it feels like maybe I'm gonna be next.
Me: Oh. Haha. Maybe.
Girl: Yeah it's just great news.
Me: For sure. It's nice that you're so happy for her.

I wasn't really thinking through my responses because I wasn't aware that I might've been in the middle of some kind of test. Looking back, though, she definitely wanted to see how I'd react.

Not really sure if I'd respond any differently even if I had been conscious of the testing at the time. Frankly, I don't even know what she'd be testing? To find out if I'd say I'm also interested or completely disinterested in the concept of marriage? And how far off I am from starting to think about that?

Full background: this girls cool, smart, has a high paying professional job. I see her as GF potential but it's too early to become exclusive or anything. As for my feelings on LTRs and engagement, which is perhaps what she was trying to gauge, I'm open to the concept some day down the line.

What ya say?

 

[Who Dares Win]

I would have been taken by surprise as well altought I would have feel a gut alert.

Agree and amplify would have not be the best option considering the situation and the girl that you are about, probably I would have done something similar to you but more in the "change topic and let her talk" range.

"Im glad to hear good news like this, that someone somewhere is happy", such lines deliver a positive message, follow her enthusiasm and do not expose you.

 

[TheCWord]

yea i think she was trying to gauge your commitment level.

her age, looks and how well shes aging plays a big role here.

you handled it fine. just be wary this girl might be looking to rush to capitalize on your commitment

Thanks, Midnight.

She is 30, very attractive (brunette, glasses, think nerd-chic) and is aging quite well. She really has no reason to fear hitting the wall, she's got a lot going for her and is by no means desperate or lacking in options.

You're probably right, she wanted to see if I am the type of guy who can offer her commitment. How is that fun for a girl, though? If a guy actually gave her a definitive yes, there goes the mystery, there goes the fun of wondering where she stands with the guy, and then if they do get into an LTR together, there goes the fun of wondering if he will ever propose. Girls may act like they want a sure thing, but they sure as he'll don't.

Hopefully by me offering no opinions other than just being happy for her friend and keeping things positive like Who Dares Win said, I was able to keep her guessing without coming off as unattainable.

 

[TheCWord]

How long have you been together?


One thing to recognize with women, is that there are definitely triggers to many of their actions. I am surprised she was so overt about it.

You see a lot of triggers mainly around marriage, children, and even divorce. It is a form of "keeping up with the Jones's".

I know many girls who already have children, and when a friend has a baby, suddenly they so badly need another one. I think it has to do with competing for attention.

Honestly though, I think you would be insane to get married in the current state of affairs. Particularly to a woman who is 30, while you are 30. You haven't even peaked yet, and she is certainly past peak beauty.

Thanks Danger and Mauser. I particularly liked the part how logic questions like "can I afford this?" dont even come to their mind. Haha.

Danger, it's been about a month. It's been one of those fast burners so I don't fault her for thinking that way. I don't think she was probing to find out if an engagement would be imminent, though. She's not crazy like that. But I do think she was trying to find out if she could count on me to get engaged to her some day.

She's cool. I've been seeing and meeting other girls still. If things continue to progress with her and in a month or two she asks for exclusivity I'd probably have to consider it. No proposals from me anywhere in the near future, though.

 

[Leif_Johnson]

It's not really a test, she hinting she wants to you to propose to her in the near future. After women turn 28 they start thinking about marriage when all her friends start getting married.

 

[skinnyguy]

Agreed that women get married and have children to get attention. when this one girl I know posts a pic of her baby on fb she gets over 100 likes. If she posts something else she gets 12 likes. I just found out she had another baby. It's a sad world that we live in.