"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Got a girl to fall for me, now what?

ForeverYoungDJ

Don Juan
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So I've been dating a girl for a little over 6 months now, and I think she's fallen for me pretty hard. We've done pretty much everything, I've stopped spinning plates a while ago, and a lot of people see us as a couple already. I've never brought up the relationship or made it "official" because that's what I've learned from this site, you let the girl bring it up. I'm not a big believer in labels as I've been burned by it in the past and I like to just go with the flow so that has worked out fine for me. The girl is cute, she has a lot of guys crushing on her but she's super faithful, very nice and we get along great. I do my best to avoid oneitis, I don't constantly call and hang out with her, but when we do, it's quality time, and I'm pretty sure this confuses her.

Fast forward to tonight, her friends blow up my phone, it's obvious they've been drinking, and tell me she really likes me, and demand to know what I think of her, and if I see her as girlfriend material. I try to dodge the question as best as I can and try to say this is something between me and her. I don't want to be an ass and be too c+f, because these are her friends and I want them on my side. I have to say, I'm a little disappointed that I had to hear this from her friends and that she couldn't tell me directly. They made me promise not to tell her I called, and I'm going to stick to my word.

Anyways, my dilemma now is, what should I do? Should I just bring it up casually and make it official. A part of me leans towards that but then I second guess myself. I still check out out other girls and a part of me likes not having the burden or obligation of having a "gf." At the same time, I don't want to lose her. Like I said before, I'm a little disappointed I didn't hear how she felt from her, so I'm worried our communication might be off. She doesn't have everything I look for in a ltr, but at the same time, the most important qualities are there. I'm just one of those people that don't like to go into things unless I'm 100% sure, and I'm just not 100% sure, so I don't know how to handle this. All feedback and advice is welcome and appreciated, thanks guys.
 

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1337

Don Juan
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guys are required to always take the lead in the relationship. The girl will never in most relationships take the initiative to take the lead. IDK why social conditioning $%6ed things up for us guys. Anyways don't mind her friends and go with your gut feelings, you can't leave us to decide whether to go out with a girl or not.

One last more important note..Don't ever get attached to the outcome, meaning don't worry about the results or whats gonna happen.
 

ForeverYoungDJ

Don Juan
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Another other thoughts on this? I'm hoping to diffuse the situation quickly. Thanks.
 

ForeverYoungDJ

Don Juan
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Hey guys, I think I've decided what I want to do. I'm gonna go ahead and make things "official." She's a good girl and I made up my mind a while ago to see if this has a chance to work out. 2 things I want to make clear.

* No more of the bs from her friends, ever. If we're going to be together, she needs to be able to communicate her feelings with me. I'm not going to put up with her friends getting involved in our business, and I will make this clear to them.

* I echo 1337, this is more a less just a label to me. As far as I'm concerned we've been pretty much together for a while. I'm not going to get attached or worry too much about the outcome, I'm gonna continue going with the flow and make sure the relationship stays on my terms.

How does that sound guys? Any input is appreciated thanks.
 
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