Good friend and possible GF going to war. Help?

[The LadyKiller]

Eight months ago, a guy and a HB engaged in a FWB "relationship" for a couple of months. Unfortunately, the two did not break it off smoothly and the negative feelings did not end then (more on this below). The guy is one of my good friends - we actually got to know each other during the FWB period and we're still tight. The HB is a girl I've known for a while, but never thought more of - until very recently. We went out for drinks last week, and she is great.

Well, the mutual disdain between my friend and HB hasn't cooled off a bit - in fact, it may have risen. HB, on her own behalf, explained to me that my friend lied to her, made her a side chick to his soon-to-be real gf, and she regrets the entire thing. She then added that she lost all respect for him and won't even speak to him. She also has bad blood with my friend's gf (they used to be friends), seems there were some episodes between them too. My friend, also on his own behalf, has told me that HB wanted something more, but he felt she wasn't gf material and dropped her. I noticed that if one of them is out somewhere, the other refuses to go. You could cut the tension with a knife if they're anywhere close to one another.

I have been out of town for the past week, and have already noticed that neither side trusts me 100% solely because I am close to the "enemy." I did mention the date with HB to anybody, nor have I ever exchange secrets from either side. It's extremely childish. I also get the feeling that I will be pressed with an ultimatum, something I will not cooperate with. My plan is to somehow establish peace between the two sides (i.e. be civil to one another) because they'll all be in my close proximity for awhile.

I return to town this week. Is there any advice I need to keep in mind before I kick their butts?

 

[Tomo]

Why should this be your problem to solve or fix? I'd just continue to to treat them as I would and if either side starts bringing up accusations, drop them and if they bite back with you going to the other side, then they were not worth the effort to maintain a friendship with in the first place. Like you said, very childish.

 

[narcissist]

Sounds like the guy is a player and the girl got burned.

Just some things to keep in mind.

• She chose him over you for FWB (you are second choice).
• He dropped her because she wasn't gf material.
• She may be using you to try and p1ss him off.

This is my immediate impression from your explanation. Not sure I would consider this the kind of girl I wanted, altho one could fairly successfully argue that they are all like this.

Something to think about.

100% co-signed

I would not date her if i was you.

Bros before hoes as well. If a b1tch is being a b1tch to one of my friends she automatically ceases to exist.

 

[The LadyKiller]

Sounds like the guy is a player and the girl got burned.

Just some things to keep in mind.

• She chose him over you for FWB (you are second choice).
• He dropped her because she wasn't gf material.
• She may be using you to try and p1ss him off.

This is my immediate impression from your explanation. Not sure I would consider this the kind of girl I wanted, altho one could fairly successfully argue that they are all like this.

Something to think about.

I won't lie, this has crossed my mind. Is it true? We don't know yet.

As for her choosing him over me, I disagree. I wasn't into her or attempting to pursue anything with her back then (she was a friend, nothing more). I was briefly dating another HB around this time and the thought hadn't even come up. Only in the past couple of weeks had things heated up between me and this HB. I've known her for a little while, and we have always gotten along well, even after their "split." Interesting how she and her close girl friends cut off a lot of the guys I know but always stayed on good terms with me.

Why should this be your problem to solve or fix? I'd just continue to to treat them as I would and if either side starts bringing up accusations, drop them and if they bite back with you going to the other side, then they were not worth the effort to maintain a friendship with in the first place. Like you said, very childish.

I agree with the mindset. And yes, it is childish. I'd prefer not to cut anyone off, but perhaps it's not worth the effort if they bite back, like you said.

 

[monterreymoosey5678]

I've seen a similar situation, and if you keep going down the path you're on, you ultimately will be forced to choose. Either the girl will want more from you (in which case you hurt the friend), or the friend will make it clear that he doesn't like what you're doing (bros before hoes).

My advice is to not sh*t where you eat. But ultimately you'll be forced to choose one. Relationships can cause bad blood that lasts for a long time.

 

[Trump]

HB, on her own behalf, explained to me that my friend lied to her, made her a side chick to his soon-to-be real gf, and she regrets the entire thing. She then added that she lost all respect for him and won't even speak to him. She also has bad blood with my friend's gf (they used to be friends), seems there were some episodes between them too.

Your friend seems smart. While he is doing his own thing, he has got his gf and his HB mistress fighting over him.

I have been out of town for the past week, and have already noticed that neither side trusts me 100% solely because I am close to the "enemy." I did mention the date with HB to anybody, nor have I ever exchange secrets from either side. It's extremely childish. I also get the feeling that I will be pressed with an ultimatum, something I will not cooperate with. My plan is to somehow establish peace between the two sides (i.e. be civil to one another) because they'll all be in my close proximity for awhile.

I return to town this week. Is there any advice I need to keep in mind before I kick their butts?

Why should you be concerned about brokering the peace and getting involved? While you are trying be Switzerland he his pounding his gf and maybe even the HB.

Don't try be saviour, people will use it against you. I would focus on sleeping with the HB as soon as possible.

 

[The LadyKiller]

Your friend seems smart. While he is doing his own thing, he has got his gf and his HB mistress fighting over him.



Why should you be concerned about brokering the peace and getting involved? While you are trying be Switzerland he his pounding his gf and maybe even the HB.

I know with 100% certainty his time with the HB has been over for months (the benefit of knowing both sides well). They can't even look at each other. HB made it extremely clear that the bridge has burned, while my friend is in his honeymoon stage with the gf and had his own nasty things to say about the HB. They're not fighting over him - his gf "won" the fight all along. Seems once HB discovered the truth, she left and didn't look back.

I've seen a similar situation, and if you keep going down the path you're on, you ultimately will be forced to choose. Either the girl will want more from you (in which case you hurt the friend), or the friend will make it clear that he doesn't like what you're doing (bros before hoes).

My advice is to not sh*t where you eat. But ultimately you'll be forced to choose one. Relationships can cause bad blood that lasts for a long time.

Oy. You might be right. If the two sides can grow up, then the drama will be avoided. If not, I'll be loading up on painkillers.

Here is something to think about.


You have known her for awhile.....were you always taken while you knew her?


Who's mind "changed" recently in regards to you two hooking up? Hers or yours?

The reason why it matters.......has she ever given you buying signals before? If not, then you definitely ARE a last choice, especially if these girls are dropping all of these other guys but keeping you around. Translation: Your turn to have a piece of the @ss now that they have burned through the first options.

If she has been giving you buying signals all along and you chose not to hook-up with her, then I would agree with what you say.

You make a really good point Danger. I'm going to sound really naive when I say this, but I don't know the answer. I haven't been taken for the entire period, but I had been going on dates and doing other things during the span. I will say this: the reason I noticed her as possibly something more is because I began picking up on IOIs from her. Looking back, these are IOI's I may have missed earlier; in other words, she didn't turn on a switch all of a sudden and turn into a new person.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Why would you date your friend's ex FWB?

 

[sylvester the cat]

I know with 100% certainty his time with the HB has been over for months (the benefit of knowing both sides well). They can't even look at each other. HB made it extremely clear that the bridge has burned, while my friend is in his honeymoon stage with the gf and had his own nasty things to say about the HB. They're not fighting over him - his gf "won" the fight all along. Seems once HB discovered the truth, she left and didn't look back.
.

WHen a HB makes it clear a bridge is burned, what she really means is her vagina is pumped up in anticipation of getting more action from said bridge. She can't stop thinking about him. Damn, she can't stop talking about him.

Watch how playing Mr Nice Guy will not get her in the sack.

 

[The LadyKiller]

WHen a HB makes it clear a bridge is burned, what she really means is her vagina is pumped up in anticipation of getting more action from said bridge. She can't stop thinking about him. Damn, she can't stop talking about him.

She didn't say that term exactly, but it was made crystal clear. As Danger and I were discussing earlier, we really don't know for sure the situation yet. While it's something to watch out for, I don't think it's likely. They won't talk to or even acknowledge one another, they've previously said things they can't take back; they won't even look at each other when in the same room.

I'll keep an eye out for any more indicators, but knowing both of them well, I honestly feel it's beyond repair with those two.

 

[sylvester the cat]

She didn't say that term exactly, but it was made crystal clear. As Danger and I were discussing earlier, we really don't know for sure the situation yet. While it's something to watch out for, I don't think it's likely. They won't talk to or even acknowledge one another, they've previously said things they can't take back; they won't even look at each other when in the same room.

I'll keep an eye out for any more indicators, but knowing both of them well, I honestly feel it's beyond repair with those two.

aka tension. and tension is a vital ingredient in attraction. without tension there is no attraction.

 

[The LadyKiller]

aka tension. and tension is a vital ingredient in attraction. without tension there is no attraction.

Can't you say that about any relationship? There's a girl I was seeing for a couple of months last year. We don't hate each other, but there's some tension, as you would describe it. Doesn't mean I ever plan on getting back with her - I remember the headache she put me though.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Can't you say that about any relationship? There's a girl I was seeing for a couple of months last year. We don't hate each other, but there's some tension, as you would describe it. Doesn't mean I ever plan on getting back with her - I remember the headache she put me though.

well i was referring to sexual tension.

there's tension in my family - true, it doesn't mean we're going to end up in bed with each other.

point is, why is she still talking about him if she hates him so much. you don't have to answer that.it's rhetorical.

 

[The LadyKiller]

This has finally reached its conclusion. You guys were correct that HB had ulterior motives, but it wasn't due to any sort of "sexual tension" with my friend.

It appears that she really hates him and his gf, as I posted earlier. Enough that she was trying to turn me against them. While both sides dislike each other, HB was the only one who was trying to persuade me to cut anyone off. Her attempts were futile, since there was no chance of me doing this. Ever since she saw me talking and laughing my friend and his gf a few days ago (they had just returned from vacation and were telling me stories), she stopped talking to me.

I can't be too upset since I didn't do anything wrong. But it's still annoying to be reminded that, even in our 20s, not everyone has matured.

 

[SmooveMooves]

This has finally reached its conclusion. You guys were correct that HB had ulterior motives, but it wasn't due to any sort of "sexual tension" with my friend.

It appears that she really hates him and his gf, as I posted earlier. Enough that she was trying to turn me against them. While both sides dislike each other, HB was the only one who was trying to persuade me to cut anyone off. Her attempts were futile, since there was no chance of me doing this. Ever since she saw me talking and laughing my friend and his gf a few days ago (they had just returned from vacation and were telling me stories), she stopped talking to me.

I can't be too upset since I didn't do anything wrong. But it's still annoying to be reminded that, even in our 20s, not everyone has matured.

Haha, what is this, grade school? She'll be back.bro. if you'll even still be interested.

 

[The LadyKiller]

Haha, what is this, grade school? She'll be back.bro. if you'll even still be interested.

Apparently so. I'm too old for that sh*t. If she does return, she better be more mature or I'm out and not looking back.