going back to an old crush

[aballer2323]

Three years ago, I was a total AFC and told a girl that I liked her. she told me that she that she wanted to be "friends for now."

Since then, I've discovered this site, and worked to change/better myself. I think she's noticed this change too. And recently we've started talking again. I view this girl as potential LTR material. How should I go about this situation?

 

[seethehoop]

I have to question how much you've changed given the fact that your even asking this question.

You should treat her like any other new women you've just met. If your game is good then that's all you wool need.

 

[betheman]

Three years ago, I was a total AFC and told a girl that I liked her. she told me that she that she wanted to be "friends for now."

Since then, I've discovered this site, and worked to change/better myself. I think she's noticed this change too. And recently we've started talking again. I view this girl as potential LTR material. How should I go about this situation?

you have been learning from this site, you tell us what you should do, what is your SS inner zen telling you?
Im not having a dig, just a bit of self reflection and open learning, you probably know the answer anyway

 

[Cremasta]

Why not try your game out on her?
You'll soon find out if you actually have learned something.

Go for it!

 

[Harry Wilmington]

What exactly have you learned from this site that you feel has "changed you" or made u act different around her? What are you doing now that you weren't doing around her 3 years ago? The answer to these questions will help me to better answer your question...

 

[aballer2323]

What exactly have you learned from this site that you feel has "changed you" or made u act different around her? What are you doing now that you weren't doing around her 3 years ago? The answer to these questions will help me to better answer your question...

well.. 3 years ago i was an 18 year old college freshman that didnt know anything... now im a man who's getting ready to go out into the real world. over the past 3 years, a lot has changed, and it's reflected itself in the way that i handle itself/my confidence. i was talking to her and she remarked "since when did you get so ****y" haha. 3 years ago, i would initiate all the contact and barely get responses from her; now she's the one asking me to do things with her, etc.. but i think that a key difference is that 3 years ago, i had oneitis and put her on a pedestal, which im definitely not doing now.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Ah, okay, good stuff to know. Well, I've been in the position a few times of making a former crush who didn't want to hook up with me suddenly look at me in a new light and give me an opening to get with her.

So far you're doing good with letting her contact you to go out. By you not reaching out, she's probably wondering what (or who else) you're doing when you're not hitting her up. If you want to increase the effectiveness of this, you can also do the occasional rejection where you make her THINK you might be turning her down to go out with someone else, even if that's not the case.

For example: she hits you up one day and asks you to go to a movie or some other night activity. Instead of accepting her offer for that night, say something like "man, I'd like to go, but I have dinner plans that night. How about we go on (another day) instead?"

This will do two things: one, it shows her your time is valuable, and that she should be respectful enough to schedule time with you vs. assuming you're always available at her beck and call. Trust me, you do NOT want to get into the habit of allowing her to always be the one determining when you go out.

Two, telling her you have dinner plans without specifying what they are or who they're with will make her play her own head games with herself. She'll start thinking things like:

*"Who does he have dinner plans with?"
*"Why wouldn't he tell me who the plans were with? Is it a relative, another guy, or... another GIRL?!?"
*"Why wouldn't he change his plans to be with me instead?? Does he not like me as much as he once did??"

If it works the right way, she'll be working even HARDER to gain YOUR attention, to the point where you may end up going to her place one day, only to find her opening the door wearing lingerie and asking if you have some free time. (I'm saying this part from experience, lol.)

But yeah, so far so good. Just remember: in cases like this, patience is your best friend, but you have to also know when the right time to strike is. Once she starts bringing up sexual innuendos or finding you cute/attractive, don't question her or try to rationalize what you two suddenly are, just GO FOR IT.

And of course, as I always like to say on here, keep texting to a minimum. Use the phone only to set up outings with her, and wait for her to initiate texts before sending messages. Hope this helps!

 

[aballer2323]

Ah, okay, good stuff to know. Well, I've been in the position a few times of making a former crush who didn't want to hook up with me suddenly look at me in a new light and give me an opening to get with her.

So far you're doing good with letting her contact you to go out. By you not reaching out, she's probably wondering what (or who else) you're doing when you're not hitting her up. If you want to increase the effectiveness of this, you can also do the occasional rejection where you make her THINK you might be turning her down to go out with someone else, even if that's not the case.

For example: she hits you up one day and asks you to go to a movie or some other night activity. Instead of accepting her offer for that night, say something like "man, I'd like to go, but I have dinner plans that night. How about we go on (another day) instead?"

This will do two things: one, it shows her your time is valuable, and that she should be respectful enough to schedule time with you vs. assuming you're always available at her beck and call. Trust me, you do NOT want to get into the habit of allowing her to always be the one determining when you go out.

Two, telling her you have dinner plans without specifying what they are or who they're with will make her play her own head games with herself. She'll start thinking things like:

*"Who does he have dinner plans with?"
*"Why wouldn't he tell me who the plans were with? Is it a relative, another guy, or... another GIRL?!?"
*"Why wouldn't he change his plans to be with me instead?? Does he not like me as much as he once did??"

If it works the right way, she'll be working even HARDER to gain YOUR attention, to the point where you may end up going to her place one day, only to find her opening the door wearing lingerie and asking if you have some free time. (I'm saying this part from experience, lol.)

But yeah, so far so good. Just remember: in cases like this, patience is your best friend, but you have to also know when the right time to strike is. Once she starts bringing up sexual innuendos or finding you cute/attractive, don't question her or try to rationalize what you two suddenly are, just GO FOR IT.

And of course, as I always like to say on here, keep texting to a minimum. Use the phone only to set up outings with her, and wait for her to initiate texts before sending messages. Hope this helps!

thanks for the reply. like i said, 3 years ago, i flat out told the girl that i liked her. obviously, this time around im not gonna say any of that. ill just go for it, have a good time, and go in for the kiss when i feel its right, and just go from there. is that the right approach?

 

[ARrocket]

have a good time, and go in for the kiss when i feel its right, and just go from there. is that the right approach?

This is the correct approach to EVERY girl

 

[VladPatton]

You can try to game her with the new stuff you learned, but whatever you do, keep your guard up. Don't be available when she wants to go out 100% of the time. No need to give her field reports as to where you are. Keep her guessing. Remember, she blasted you into the Friend Zone once, meaning she found you non-attractive or BF material, and she can do it again. You can either be a moving target or a sitting duck. This time, you've got some training and some battle gear.

Good luck, let us know how it goes.