Giving the ex her sh*t back

[lifeislearning]

Got a text from the ex asking for a necklace she left at my house. She spent one night over before the breakup and took most of her things trying to ninja out. She wants me to give it to her friend I work with.

Part of me wants to say, "FU, I gave it to goodwill." After a sustained period of silence.

Part of me just wants to get rid of it.

Part of me thinks she should atleast have the decency to see me face to face.

Thoughts?

 

[Moroder]

Give it to your coworker right away. You want some reasons?

1. You don't have time to deal with small-scale BS. You need all your power and time to heal and to literally get a life.

2. You want to stick to that NC. Don't give her the slightest chance to intrude or make you break it.

3. Even a necklace will manage to keep your wound open and prevent you from moving on. So get that thing out of your house. Think of it as an evil voodoo device that makes your ex's ghost linger around. Aaargh! Out!

4. Prove to yourself (not to her, who gives a fück about her) that you are a grown-@ss man. You've received a reasonable request, you comply with it, and then it's OVER.

Good luck man.

 

[Julian]

what are you holding on for. My ex had a nice ring I bought her. Well we were going through a rough time and I picked it up from the jeweler one day because we had brought it for cleaning.

i thought i was being so slick (i was pretty slick) but it was stupid games. I refused to give it back to her and she was upset. we basically broke up. what an azzhole i was. anyway at the end of our breakup I gave her back the ring and told her if she was gonna throw it away or whatever id take it back. she never gave it back and as far as i know she still has it.

obviously u have bitter feelings...just make sure she gets all of her belongings. be the man now. do whats right and cut all ties. have a clear consience.

 

[speed dawg]

Give her the d*mn necklace. This isn't about the necklace......you are literally SEARCHING for anything that will allow you to see her again. It's over, pal, just give her her stuff and move on.

 

[Tenacity]

I agree with Moroder as well, but hey, I understand the OP. Women want to put us through bullshyt so why not give them a taste of their own medicine? I'm so sick of women being able to get away with bullshyt in society and men are told to just "man up and get over it".

 

[rastapasta]

I'm curious what people think if they don't ask for their stuff back? My example would be that when she lived with me she had a bunch of her mail sent to my place. She also left her soft surf rack here (the only thing she left). She put a hold on the mail but probably didn't realize it also put a hold on my mail! I had to go to the post office 3x before they took it off, but now I am getting her mail still.

I almost broke NC just to say I put all your mail and stuff in a bag outside my gate and you can pick it up, but I figure fvck it most of it isn't that important if she really wants it she can ask for it. I really don't want to break NC. I am about to take all that stuff and box it and put it in the back of a closet so I don't have to see it any more. I was also contemplating buying a prepaid debit card and registering it in her name, then logging on to the post service and having all her mail forwarded to her new boyfriends house lol. You need the card to "verify your identity". But I figure even that is too much, I'm just gonna keep throwing her crap into the "bin" in my closet and throw it out if I ever move.

 

[sodbuster]

During our Divorce, When we were picking the furniture in the split, I arranged it so she got every piece of furniture we ever F&cked on.... including the dining room table. Pawned my wedding ring for a pellet gun, etc.... The only things that remind me of her in my life are my SON'S

 

[speed dawg]

I agree with Moroder as well, but hey, I understand the OP. Women want to put us through bullshyt so why not give them a taste of their own medicine? I'm so sick of women being able to get away with bullshyt in society and men are told to just "man up and get over it".

The only true power we have in this life is our own power to control our own attitude/outlook. People can kill you, beat you, steal your stuff, feed you royally, f*ck you, but they cannot influence your attitude/outlook, at least by physical means, unless you allow them to do so. I exercise that right, personally.

There was an interview with a guy that survived the Holocaust a few years back, and they asked him how he got through it. He said every day he kept going because no matter what did to him, they could not control how he felt about it. That empowered him to keep going.

 

[Tenacity]

The only true power we have in this life is our own power to control our own attitude/outlook. People can kill you, beat you, steal your stuff, feed you royally, f*ck you, but they cannot influence your attitude/outlook, at least by physical means, unless you allow them to do so. I exercise that right, personally.

There was an interview with a guy that survived the Holocaust a few years back, and they asked him how he got through it. He said every day he kept going because no matter what did to him, they could not control how he felt about it. That empowered him to keep going.

I totally agree with you in principle, but in execution?

- I mean if you go to 10 Taco Restaurants and they all svck, does that NOT influence how you see Taco Restaurants as a whole? Not saying you no longer eat at Taco Restaurants any more, but BEFORE you eat at one, aren't you a little more weary in researching it now before you just go sit down and eat?

- Or, you used to stay around ghetto people and experienced how much of a PAIN in the a.ss that is. Not saying you hate all ghetto people, but aren't you weary of living ANYWHERE near ghetto people ever again if you no longer are forced to by having low income?

I understand the "Mind Over Matter" philosophy and it's very touchy feely, motivational and feel goodery, but can you truly execute that? Or the better question is, DO you really want to execute something like that?

I think one of the BIG reasons the laws are so fvcked up in this country in relation to women screwing over men, is for this very reason. Too many Men use this "man up and get over it" or "mind over matter" approach and ALL you are doing is giving the women free rein to FVCK someone else over because they know they can get away with it.

Going back to my example, when enough people walk out of Taco Restaurants because they SVCK, the owners of those Restaurants will get the picture and fix their product.

We need to be about change guys, we have been letting these people get away with bullshyt for far too long.

 

[speed dawg]

- I mean if you go to 10 Taco Restaurants and they all svck, does that NOT influence how you see Taco Restaurants as a whole? Not saying you no longer eat at Taco Restaurants any more, but BEFORE you eat at one, aren't you a little more weary in researching it now before you just go sit down and eat?

- Or, you used to stay around ghetto people and experienced how much of a PAIN in the a.ss that is. Not saying you hate all ghetto people, but aren't you weary of living ANYWHERE near ghetto people ever again if you no longer are forced to by having low income?

I agree. All these things are punishment for bad service or bad behavior. Completely justified.

I understand the "Mind Over Matter" philosophy and it's very touchy feely, motivational and feel goodery, but can you truly execute that? Or the better question is, DO you really want to execute something like that?

I think one of the BIG reasons the laws are so fvcked up in this country in relation to women screwing over men, is for this very reason. Too many Men use this "man up and get over it" or "mind over matter" approach and ALL you are doing is giving the women free rein to FVCK someone else over because they know they can get away with it.

Going back to my example, when enough people walk out of Taco Restaurants because they SVCK, the owners of those Restaurants will get the picture and fix their product.

We need to be about change guys, we have been letting these people get away with bullshyt for far too long.

I get it, and it's almost like you want to punish the restaurants further, not only by not eating their food/attending their restaurant, but by burning their place down? There comes a point where you cannot do anything further. The guy in the Holocaust, what was he going to do? Go kill a Gestapo officer? He would have never gotten away with it, and would have been killed for nothing.

I believe in true justice, and if you get a chance to carry it out, you must do it. And you can forgive all you want, but you don't have to forget. What is the OP going to accomplish by not giving her back the necklace? Nothing, but looking like a d*ck. He missed his chance to 'punish' her. The only true way to punish an ex is no contact and moving on without them. Again, controlling your own reaction to what others do to you. By being a d*ck, you're allowing her to control HIM.

 

[zekko]

I completely agree with Moroder and some of the others. It's HER necklace, give it back. Don't use it to try to see her, you're better off if you don't. She broke up with you, she didn't commit a crime. Apparently she saw something in you enough that she gave it a shot, but it wasn't working out for her. That can be painful, but people break up all the time. At least try to be mature about it.

And Tenacity, I can understand you being angry, but don't let it get the best of you.

 

[Tenacity]

Hey, I understand the fact about taking the high road, but would SHE have done that? Let's say he left his chain at her house and was trying to get it back, would she even have the RESPECT to pick up the phone and inform him that she has it so he can come get it?

More times than not, the answer to these questions are NO. So I'm saying if they can be a dyck why can't we be one? I would tell her the necklace is lost and I don't see a necklace, and to LOSE my number. If she makes a big fuss about it, put a harassment order on her.

They do it so fvck it....why can't we do it?

 

[Yewki]

Hey, I understand the fact about taking the high road, but would SHE have done that?

If you truly understood taking the high road, you would know the answer to this question is irrelevant.

 

[Tenacity]

Yeah because he started a fire though, we are talking about a necklace that can easily be "lost". But hey, I do agree with you guys about just being the bigger person but I just wish women we practice the same methodology.

 

[lifeislearning]

To make things clear I DON'T want to see or communicate with her, and I DON'T want to hang on to her, her stuff, or the relationship.

What I do expect is some accountability for the situation. Breakups hurt and they suck, and she should experience that rather than going about it through intermediaries.

I know I left some clothes at her place. I figured they're gone. No mention from her about them. Last breakup I just added the stuff to a box for goodwill. Out of my life with no issues

 

[Knight's Cross]

OP,
Get it back to her. Send it return receipt in a cardboard box that is basically no better than Amazon packaging. Be done with it. Sooner then better. You don't want to be the jerk that holds stuff. That's chick game. You are not that guy.
KC

 

[zekko]

Hey, I understand the fact about taking the high road, but would SHE have done that? Let's say he left his chain at her house and was trying to get it back, would she even have the RESPECT to pick up the phone and inform him that she has it so he can come get it?

More times than not, the answer to these questions are NO. So I'm saying if they can be a dyck why can't we be one?

First off, and I say this on this forum a lot, we are men, we are the leaders, and we need to set the example by being mature about these things. If we wallow in the mud, you can rest assured that the weaker sex is going to also.

Breakups are much more painful when both sides are playing these stupid games. I am civil with several of my exes (note I said civil, I don't hang out with them). They were mature about the breakup, and so was I. If one party is mature about it, there is a better chance of the other party being mature about it.

Secondly, damn Tenacity, what kind of trashbag garbage ho women have you been dating? Not all women are mature about breakups, but damn, sounds like you have been bottom feeding with the worst possible sort. Also, I will say this. If you are a person who acts like a d!ck, then you are far more likely to attract a woman who acts like a d!ck. If you are a person who thinks that acting like a d!ck is justified, then you are more likely to attract a woman who thinks likewise. Take it to a higher level, guys.

 

[ZTIME]

Go to the post office today and mail the necklace to the lady. Insure it if it gets lost (probably $3.00). Or give it to her friend that works with you. Give up the "false upper hand" and move on.

It's funny in life how we can dwindle down a whole series of relationship interactions into one piece what we feel is a tangible asset.

Here's my feeling of how this all works. Take it for what it's worth. Girl leaves you. "Try's to ninja her way out" (your words). You feel ****ty about the situation. In her "escape", she forgets a necklace and contacts you to get it back. When she left you felt bad, Kind of like she was throwing you away. You lost control and frame. Now you have this necklace that she wants....Balls back in your court. (Not really).

give the necklace back and get rid of any false sense of being in control. Only then will you gain TRUE control. Once you let go of everything from the past, you control everything in your future.

“You only lose what you cling to.” ― Gautama Buddha

 

[Tenacity]

First off, and I say this on this forum a lot, we are men, we are the leaders, and we need to set the example by being mature about these things. If we wallow in the mud, you can rest assured that the weaker sex is going to also.

Breakups are much more painful when both sides are playing these stupid games. I am civil with several of my exes (note I said civil, I don't hang out with them). They were mature about the breakup, and so was I. If one party is mature about it, there is a better chance of the other party being mature about it.

Secondly, damn Tenacity, what kind of trashbag garbage ho women have you been dating? Not all women are mature about breakups, but damn, sounds like you have been bottom feeding with the worst possible sort. Also, I will say this. If you are a person who acts like a d!ck, then you are far more likely to attract a woman who acts like a d!ck. If you are a person who thinks that acting like a d!ck is justified, then you are more likely to attract a woman who thinks likewise. Take it to a higher level, guys.

My friend, I have been through A LOT of pure and utter bullshyt from women. I have also SEEN women put other guys through pure and utter bullshyt. I don't understand why, and I held back for a long time from just embracing the growing hatred I have towards women internally but as I get older that hatred is just becoming more and more real.

It's why the "take the high road" approach to me is like...hey...I have been doing that for years and all they do is become MORE beast-like! It's like you have to almost jump up and smack the bytch in the face to get her to act with some sense.

I understand why Chris Brown did what he did to Rihanna. Society only focused on what Chris Brown did but cared NOTHING about what the hell Rihanna was doing because that's how our society works. Women can do whatever the hell they want and we are just supposed to "man up and TAKE IT".

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Give the necklace to her friend. Be done with it/her.

To make things clear I DON'T want to see or communicate with her, and I DON'T want to hang on to her, her stuff, or the relationship.

Good.

What I do expect is some accountability for the situation. Breakups hurt and they suck, and she should experience that rather than going about it through intermediaries.

It sounds like you're making excuses to see her. One of my exes pulled this $hit when we broke up. It took me weeks to get my $hit back. It wasn't until I finally told her to keep my stuff, that I didn't want it anymore, is when she finally dropped my stuff off.

I know I left some clothes at her place. I figured they're gone. No mention from her about them. Last breakup I just added the stuff to a box for goodwill. Out of my life with no issues

Okay, do you want your stuff back? Yes, no? If you do then ask her to give it back. If not, don't. What's the fvcking problem?


She's making it easy for you. Bring it to a friend, at work. Is that difficult?