Girl at work encouraging AFC principles

[bonjove]

There is this girl who I know that is engaged to a nice guy who she has known and was friends with for most of her life. She tried telling me a couple of times that I should be a nice guy [afc] and that I should just be friends with girls because she heard that I told a girl that seriously flaked on me that I only wanted to be her aquaintance when she insisted that I be her friend and buddy buddy to her.

She keeps telling me that I am kind, nice, and sweet for some oddball reason which goes beyond my understanding so I tease her and some other girls using ****y/funny. Well, today I got tired of it so I posted a note on the refridgerator at work saying that:

"unless you intend to pinch my cheek, kiss me and hug me, or tuck me in at night I am not nice, sweet, loving, or caring. Thank you for your co-operation."

Well, she took it off of the refridgerator, and when I comfronted her later she said that she took it off because she didn't want other people to see and feel that it's inappropiate. I asked her if she thought I was ugly or fat or something, and she got a big grin/smile combination on her face and just looked at me for about 30 seconds then told me, "I always say that you are sweet and kind." I realized that she was avoiding telling me whether I was ugly or not and responded with "well, some girls think it's a good thing, other see it diffrently, and I'll just leave it at that."

She just sort of nodded silently and I left.

Do you guys think I did good on this?

By the way, there isn't going to be a sexual harassment lawsuit nor am I going to be fired, so you guys don't worry about that in your responses.

 

[SDBmania]

Well, I feel that there is a difference between the nice guy and an AFC. Typically, we think nice guys are AFC, this is not always the case. Take me, while I may not be as bold as some of you, I'm a nice guy and yet use ****y/funny. I don't cold approach yet, but I'm getting there. I have, however, asked out girls I know. It's easier when you know each other a little bit. Though, none of them were close friends, more like aquantances. I feel that the nice guy stereyotype should be changed. We just need to give the nice guys self-esteem and confidence. You don't have to be a jerk to be a DJ(not I am a RAFC).

 

[bonjove]

See, the thing is that I am recovering myself from being a wussy AFC type person and it's hard for me to switch to the oppostite polarity without going overboard on aggression. I've been physically threatened twice today besides the fact that I myself also physically threatened one guy who said something I didn't like. I know that this isn't good, but I just don't know how to learn a balance without winning a few fights or getting my butt kicked around. I'm forcing myself to do it, and other guys with other alpha male traits are disliking me because of it.

That's besides the fact of what just happened in case anyone doesn't know why I feel I need to stick up for myself. I just don't know any other way to learn to stick up for myself without going to the opposite extreme.

I don't mean to sound like an idiot, but yes, this does have to do with what I wrote above, which is part of why I put the note on the refridgerator and have been behaving like this.

 

[SDBmania]

Hmm, I will have something to say in response, I just don't have time. I will respond soon, dont worry. I will say that you seem to internalise things. Part of being balanced is to pick out what is important to stand up to and what it not. Are your ethics or morals being challenged? Or is this guy just spouting off nonsense just to get you mad? I'll have more advice later.