OK, here's the story. I've had a GF for four months, and things had been going great. We both were very into each other, and New Year's Eve she told me she was falling in love with me. The same night, I get very drunk and apparantly (according to her) made an ass out myself at the bar and elsewhere. I didn't do anything with any other girl or anything really bad, I was just obnoxious as hell. So, the last couple weeks have been rocky. She told me shortly after New Year's that she lost some respect for me because of my behavior, and it affected how she felt about me. She's been somewhat distant, except for last Sunday when we had some pretty wild sex, but otherwise hasn't show much affection toward me. Tonight, she tells me "it's not working"...how she feels about me has changed, and she finds me annoying to be around now. My first thougts were some other guy entered the picture...but she insists that it's not the case. I do believe her on that. We talked a while, about how things had been going up to then, how we thought we could have been together a long time. I asked her if she would want things to be like they were a few weeks ago if it could happen, and she said yes, and I said I would too. She made references to being with each other in the future, and we made out a little before she finally pushed me away and left. But, now it's over. Assuming she was honest about working things out...what do I do now? How do I get back respect? Really, getting that drunk is something I haven't done in years, and she knows I wouldn't do it again. I can't see how it would be that big a deal. But still, it matters to her and so I have to accept it. I know I should move on, but if there's a chance of things returning to how they were, I'd go after it.
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GF situation
- Thread starter insomniac
- Start date
Ahhh, the memories of drunken days past.
So, you got obnoxiously drunk one night. A mistake, or rather a very seldom endulgence.
It has been said that women remember everything. Particularly the mistakes the men in their lives make.
My first thought is that she may be too tightly wound. Are you sure that you want a woman that is going to rehash (in her mind) past behaviors, over and over.
My second thought is to ask you what you mean by making an a** out of yourself. What (if you remember) did you do?
Until I know this, there's not much I can tell you.
So, you got obnoxiously drunk one night. A mistake, or rather a very seldom endulgence.
It has been said that women remember everything. Particularly the mistakes the men in their lives make.
My first thought is that she may be too tightly wound. Are you sure that you want a woman that is going to rehash (in her mind) past behaviors, over and over.
My second thought is to ask you what you mean by making an a** out of yourself. What (if you remember) did you do?
Until I know this, there's not much I can tell you.
NewMan
Master Don Juan
In life there will be many up's and downs.
There will be many times where you will make an a## out of yourself.
As Chris Rock said:
"In order to make things work - you've got to love the crust of each other - the little bit's in the bottom of the toaster - Not just the white part of the bread"
Think about her attitudes.
People are not always perfect 100% of the time
There will be many times where you will make an a## out of yourself.
As Chris Rock said:
"In order to make things work - you've got to love the crust of each other - the little bit's in the bottom of the toaster - Not just the white part of the bread"
Think about her attitudes.
People are not always perfect 100% of the time
How did I make an ass of myself? Wish I could remember ;> Seriously, that is the drunkest I've been in about five years...I'm never like that...and that's the first and last time she'll see me like that Buy hey, it was New Year's Eve...you're supposed to do that. I didn't do anything bad, really. Just obnoxious behavior...yelling, talking loudly and swearing...the complete opposite of how I am the 99.99% of the time. I'm pretty laid back and quiet, much like her 99.99% of the time. The one thing I truely regret is later on, a few hours after she said she was falling in love with me, I said something similar to her...and although I'm positive I meant it, I can't remember what I said. She was pissed about that too, that I couldn't remember. Bad situation, yeah. Still, you know, she's made some pretty obnoxious drunken phone calls to me, yet I don't get that upset about it. Really, every little thing she's done to annoy me I've been able to look past. You take the good with the bad, as long as the good is worth it. Tightly wound is she? A little bit perhaps. I know I have to hold back on the sarcasm, but she's never been that uptight that we still can't have a good time.
It does suck...just three weeks ago things were so perfect. Then the one stupid thing I do ruins it all? Doesn't make sense. I could look past something like this.
I think I'll do what I should have done back then...just back off and let her deal with it. Don't think I'll talk to her for a while. If she comes back, we'll see what happens. I don't know if I could trust her or feel the same abour her after this. If not, life goes on.
It does suck...just three weeks ago things were so perfect. Then the one stupid thing I do ruins it all? Doesn't make sense. I could look past something like this.
I think I'll do what I should have done back then...just back off and let her deal with it. Don't think I'll talk to her for a while. If she comes back, we'll see what happens. I don't know if I could trust her or feel the same abour her after this. If not, life goes on.
The more I think about it...yeah, it is pretty shallow to get hung up on one stupid and relatively harmless event. I don't know how she can ever expect to maintain a relationship if there's no room to screw up...it's going to happen. Her friend's boyfriend cheated on her friend, and he just proposes and makes everything fine. I get a little drunk and that's the end of me!
I do know this...in past relationships, she has had a tendency to take breaks from them and then get back together.
Oh, I see she has her personals ad back up already. Wow, I'm amazed. Women can go from being in love with you to nothing in no time. Too bad I have to sit here and wait for the feelings to go away. This part sucks. I don't even feel like meeting anyone new at the moment, but it's probably good to at least get out there to get some practice and take my mind off of it.
I do know this...in past relationships, she has had a tendency to take breaks from them and then get back together.
Oh, I see she has her personals ad back up already. Wow, I'm amazed. Women can go from being in love with you to nothing in no time. Too bad I have to sit here and wait for the feelings to go away. This part sucks. I don't even feel like meeting anyone new at the moment, but it's probably good to at least get out there to get some practice and take my mind off of it.
Yeah, enough said probably. I'm still in the shock and "get her back" phase at the moment...not thinking too rationally. That will pass.
I do still have the question about getting back respect and resparking attraction. When you do something (getting plastered in my case) that makes her look at you differently and lose respect, is there anything that can undo that?
Regardless, the path is clear. How to get her back: Do nothing and move on with my life. Best thing for me: Do nothing and move on with my life.
I do still have the question about getting back respect and resparking attraction. When you do something (getting plastered in my case) that makes her look at you differently and lose respect, is there anything that can undo that?
Regardless, the path is clear. How to get her back: Do nothing and move on with my life. Best thing for me: Do nothing and move on with my life.
stalluproar
Senior Don Juan
Women like men who can keep control of situations. Getting drunk and losing control is huge red flag.
When I am personally out with women, I cut my alcohol comsumption in half compared to when I am out with my buddies.
Even if she thinks you were an ass that night. Don't let yourself get to her level by being mad. Say you were having fun. Explain confidently it was one of those nights to let loose and end it there.
When a girl says she loves you, smile and say I love me too.
When I am personally out with women, I cut my alcohol comsumption in half compared to when I am out with my buddies.
Even if she thinks you were an ass that night. Don't let yourself get to her level by being mad. Say you were having fun. Explain confidently it was one of those nights to let loose and end it there.
When a girl says she loves you, smile and say I love me too.
She sounds pretty immature to me.
Alcohol makes people do stupid stuff all the time. No big deal. If she's going to end a relationship and friendship over something stupid like that then she never really gave a shyt about you in the first place.
Think about it.
When you love somebody for real, stupid stuff like that doesn't matter.
If you've apologized and demonstrated that you feel badly about it and she still won't get past it then fawk her!
Alcohol makes people do stupid stuff all the time. No big deal. If she's going to end a relationship and friendship over something stupid like that then she never really gave a shyt about you in the first place.
Think about it.
When you love somebody for real, stupid stuff like that doesn't matter.
If you've apologized and demonstrated that you feel badly about it and she still won't get past it then fawk her!
Ok, check this out...
I come home today, find a letter on my table that I had taken out of my mailbox yesterday but didn't bother looking at...it's from her.
To paraphrase, she says she could have kissed me all night long (we kissed before she left), she feels better having talked about things, she feels more comfortable expresing herself, we do need a break, she's willing to work on this because she believes we had something not many people find, let's think about if this is something we both want to pursue, if not we'll deal with it later, she cares for me deeply, I'm special...
A few minutes after reading that...she callled, but I couldn't answer. No message left.
Don't know what to think of this now...first she was gone and that was simple, yet painful, to deal with...now it's complex, hopeful, yet the possiblity of going through it all again remains.
What do you think?
I come home today, find a letter on my table that I had taken out of my mailbox yesterday but didn't bother looking at...it's from her.
To paraphrase, she says she could have kissed me all night long (we kissed before she left), she feels better having talked about things, she feels more comfortable expresing herself, we do need a break, she's willing to work on this because she believes we had something not many people find, let's think about if this is something we both want to pursue, if not we'll deal with it later, she cares for me deeply, I'm special...
A few minutes after reading that...she callled, but I couldn't answer. No message left.
Don't know what to think of this now...first she was gone and that was simple, yet painful, to deal with...now it's complex, hopeful, yet the possiblity of going through it all again remains.
What do you think?
Is this the kind of drama you want everytime you do something that in her mind is a mistake?
If you want to keep this relationship and end any habit of hers of breaking up whenever she feels uncomfortable, I suggest you tell her exactly how you feel about her reaction to your one-off drunkenness, and you don't like the idea of going through this again the next time you screw up. We all screw up, and our partner is supposed to be on our side, not running for the hills.
Also, listen to her, ask her about her reaction. Maybe there's something from her past that seeing you drunk reminded her of. This isn't a you against her situation, but it is a you telling her what you think one.
To my mind, this breakup/get back together is a red flag from her, and you need to ask her about it and get clearer about what she's doing so you can decide if it's something you want to deal with or not.
If you want to keep this relationship and end any habit of hers of breaking up whenever she feels uncomfortable, I suggest you tell her exactly how you feel about her reaction to your one-off drunkenness, and you don't like the idea of going through this again the next time you screw up. We all screw up, and our partner is supposed to be on our side, not running for the hills.
Also, listen to her, ask her about her reaction. Maybe there's something from her past that seeing you drunk reminded her of. This isn't a you against her situation, but it is a you telling her what you think one.
To my mind, this breakup/get back together is a red flag from her, and you need to ask her about it and get clearer about what she's doing so you can decide if it's something you want to deal with or not.
Thanks for the replies.
I'm judging her reaction is somewhere between sincere wanting to try it again and post-breakup trauma...realizing that I don't call her and am not around anymore. She's been calling a lot and seems in worse shape than me. But, since she is a woman...it's in reality probably something that makes no sense to me whatsoever. I'm not even going to try to figure it out anymore.
Anyway, I wrote her back saying I want to try to work it out too...but I'm not going through this again.
Will have to see if she's still willing to try. If so, next will come the negotiations I assume. She might throw the "see other people" card on the table...if so, I won't be taking the getting back together thing seriously and will move on. I think I'm content with either outcome.
I'm judging her reaction is somewhere between sincere wanting to try it again and post-breakup trauma...realizing that I don't call her and am not around anymore. She's been calling a lot and seems in worse shape than me. But, since she is a woman...it's in reality probably something that makes no sense to me whatsoever. I'm not even going to try to figure it out anymore.
Anyway, I wrote her back saying I want to try to work it out too...but I'm not going through this again.
Will have to see if she's still willing to try. If so, next will come the negotiations I assume. She might throw the "see other people" card on the table...if so, I won't be taking the getting back together thing seriously and will move on. I think I'm content with either outcome.
sustainable007
Don Juan
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Move on
I think there is something she isnt telling you...Im not sure what, but shes definately hiding something from you....I wouldnt trust her at all...Move on and start going after other women...you will be much better off...if you choose to wait this out you are going to get burnt so walk away..., and if when she contacts you again tell her "you have done something and that you changed your mind about her"...hehehe...
I think there is something she isnt telling you...Im not sure what, but shes definately hiding something from you....I wouldnt trust her at all...Move on and start going after other women...you will be much better off...if you choose to wait this out you are going to get burnt so walk away..., and if when she contacts you again tell her "you have done something and that you changed your mind about her"...hehehe...
Sustainable007...MacDiddy...I'm thinking you guys nailed it.
She left a message Sunday night...short, but it sounded like the "there's something I have to tell you" type of message. She didn't say what, but I can only guess. Her whole excuse for breaking up with me was probably some way to cover up for something she did. Confused and dishonest women...I've had enough. I made a sincere, no games, attempt at reconciliation since I considered the relationship important...what more can I do.
OK, from this point on I'm considering it over. Slap me in the face if I start lamenting over her again.
Moving on, I see the Polish girl I was working on early last fall but never met up has inititated contact with me again. Might be too wild for me, but I need some fun right now.
She left a message Sunday night...short, but it sounded like the "there's something I have to tell you" type of message. She didn't say what, but I can only guess. Her whole excuse for breaking up with me was probably some way to cover up for something she did. Confused and dishonest women...I've had enough. I made a sincere, no games, attempt at reconciliation since I considered the relationship important...what more can I do.
OK, from this point on I'm considering it over. Slap me in the face if I start lamenting over her again.
Moving on, I see the Polish girl I was working on early last fall but never met up has inititated contact with me again. Might be too wild for me, but I need some fun right now.
Time to wrap this thread up...
I hadn't been talking to her since I wrote her a week ago saying I'm willing to try if she was. She called a couple times Thursday, finally talked to her a little today. So she was semi-serious about working it out...but she's just confused and on emotional roller-coaster. Now she doesn't want to...whatever.
The thing is, I'm relieved. I realize now I could not possibly go back with her the way she's been acting...hyper-sensitive, every little thing I say irritates her, I use the wrong tone of voice...I couldn't stand it. I was looking forward to moving on and meeting new people...I was feeling good. Then I talked to her, and went back a few steps. Next time she contacts me, I'm telling her not to anymore. I know you all told me to do that from the beginning...but I was stupid and thought that she and our relationship were "special."
So, the shock and depression and longing for her back are gone. I don't want whatever she's become now, or maybe always had been but I just never saw. Now I'm just angry at her and the situation. I feel no guilt anymore over any mistake I made. It's her inability to deal with it that's the problem...I finally see it now.
I hadn't been talking to her since I wrote her a week ago saying I'm willing to try if she was. She called a couple times Thursday, finally talked to her a little today. So she was semi-serious about working it out...but she's just confused and on emotional roller-coaster. Now she doesn't want to...whatever.
The thing is, I'm relieved. I realize now I could not possibly go back with her the way she's been acting...hyper-sensitive, every little thing I say irritates her, I use the wrong tone of voice...I couldn't stand it. I was looking forward to moving on and meeting new people...I was feeling good. Then I talked to her, and went back a few steps. Next time she contacts me, I'm telling her not to anymore. I know you all told me to do that from the beginning...but I was stupid and thought that she and our relationship were "special."
So, the shock and depression and longing for her back are gone. I don't want whatever she's become now, or maybe always had been but I just never saw. Now I'm just angry at her and the situation. I feel no guilt anymore over any mistake I made. It's her inability to deal with it that's the problem...I finally see it now.
Ex is history...I still come across the occassional things that remind me of her, but I'm no longer the wreck I was just two weeks ago. I'm feeling good.
And, finally getting out in the field again. A 24yo that wrote to me wants to get together for a drink...she seems cool, does triathalons and plays guitar. I don't really care if I like her or anything comes of it...it's just good to feel like life is moving on, and there are a lot of women out there I'd have more in common with.
And, finally getting out in the field again. A 24yo that wrote to me wants to get together for a drink...she seems cool, does triathalons and plays guitar. I don't really care if I like her or anything comes of it...it's just good to feel like life is moving on, and there are a lot of women out there I'd have more in common with.