Gf made me visit her, then didnt give a sh!t about me..what would you do?

[KontrollerX]

Some of you want to play the immature innocent card way too soon but you are forgetting this is a sexually active girl that is just shy of two years from entering her sexual prime.

She is no innocent even now which means either theory has merit and that crying stuff still doesn't sit right with me.

The whole tent incident and wanting you so badly to come down screams to me relationship behavior change and guilt motivated fvck.

Then of course her emotions being torn between you and the counselor she is likely seeing caused her to go spend time with him after fvcking you because she likely didn't want to dissapoint the guy and risk losing his interest. She probably figured that giving you a good fvck would satisfy you and was having so much fun with the other guy that she lost track of time.

She finally comes back to you and then starts crying.

Guys...

The game is the same at a relationship's end whether a girl is 16, 26 or 36.

You will see weird out of the norm bullsh!t like this, you will see bullsh!t innappropriate guilt motivated crying, you will notice a lack of communication and interest as well a subtle disrespect.

So yeah I'm really tired of seeing that whole argument that a young chick's behavior in this way should always be excused.

I remember when I was 13 and my buddy was the same age and he was the ultimate natural born DJ and he had chicks pulling this sh!t on him ie yes they were cheating on him at that age so its not out of the question at 16 for a chick to pull this. Its standard cheater behavior.

(I say my buddy was the ultimate DJ because he always seemed to have a stable of women, not because he had a ton who cheated on him lol)

BTW, I agree 100% with persistant exaction on how you should proceed dude.

Good luck and I hope for your sake its the theory you currently believe but if not its all good as you've got plenty of other plates to spin it seems.

 

[longlifexs]

Wow. Before I read your post Kontroller, I really believed the innocent girl theory. Now? Well I'm much more sceptical.

I'm not sure about the infidelity thing though..your reasoning IS good, but I heard her talking to one of the counsellors, as they sat near the hut for about 20 minutes..and HE didn't really sound interested, only sounded like a fellow co-worker. Of course I might not have sensed his intensions. Or it might have been a different one than the one she's (supposedly) into. Or it could be just her wanting him and not the other way around. Or she could not be unfaithful at all. Either way, I'm gonna find out. And if she was, I'm gonna dump her. No other choice, because infidelity simply can't be tolerated.

Thanks for the suggestions! I will keep you updated if anything new happens.

 

[KontrollerX]

Yeah all I'm saying is give full merit to both theories dude.

I'm not saying one is stronger than the other bro.

Again though good luck.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Let her come to you. You go through your life and if you run into her, sorry, but do I know you? should be your line of speech. This chick needs some shunning. If she wants you she'll try to follow and/or "accidentally" run into you. I've seen women out of my peripheral vision stalking me as soon as last week. Until you've had it happen, you won't know what I'm talking about.

 

[longlifexs]

So we had this sms convo last night, I think it sheds some light on what had happened so I thought I'd post it. [xxx] are my coments.

ME: hey, when are you coming back on sunday?
ME: those who are jealous get old early [czech saying..sound really stupid in english; teasing her a bit] just thought we could meet and think about what we are going to do at the lake, what to take with us and stuff
HER: you still want to go??
ME: shouldn't i?
HER: dunno, maybe..i think it'd be totally killing to spend a week together after this..
ME: why? i still think what you did is unforgivable but its nothing i couldnt (and havent already) get over..and if you have a problem doing so, ill be glad HER: i really dont get this, if i were you, id shoot my head off.. well youre right but now it is not only about what happened between us when you were here..and now i have absolutely no idea about what i want or should want not to regret it later. im feeling really bad
ME: like that after i left you thought we broke up and hooked up with someone else and now dont want to be unfaithful to him by spending a week with me? [checking whether kontrollerX was right] or what, id really like to know..
HER: hahaha.. no, not that, really. but there is someone else involved. but i think, hope, i will get over it as i have never loved anyone like you :'( [true..ale her previous BFs were a bunch of afc *******s. BUT if she really loved me that much, she wouldnt even think about someone else, would she?]
ME: and who is it? im really curious
HER: you want a name or what?
ME: nah, just some desciption and how he's involved
HER: just one friend from here. and he's "involved" in the way, that i like him..a bit more than i should [well well well]
ME: 1) and does he like you? 2) that makes it clear what happened on friday, i thought so [thanks kontrollerX] 3) what are we gonna do about it?
HER: 1) its really complicated 2) id doesnt have much to do with friday, maybe a bit 3) us? arent you even a bit angry?
ME: 1) so? 2) i think it does, it makes sense nicely 3) see, the only right thing i should do now is to break up with you. just the fact that you are pondering between me and someone else should be enough and theres more to it. but am an optimistic ******* and still think you will get sane again..and after all, we can always break up So what are we gonna do about it? Or what are you gonna do abotu it, if thats easier for you to answer?
HER: well he's XXX's friend and it turned out that XXX has been in love with me for 4 years [damn, he really needs to get himself a life] and they had a fight because of me and YYY rather let me go. well at least it looked so.. 2) maybe youre right, but on friday i didnt know that or didnt realise it yet 3) thats what suprpises me, that you havent broken up with em yet. Cuz thats the only thing i deserve, apart from a slap in my face. The worse thing is that this is something i cant affect i think that going to the lake inst a very good idea. but we should meet once i come tback and we'll see? damn, my battery is running out
ME: alrgiht, i will tell you what is going to happen now. first, you need to decide who you want. if it's ME, then i think going to the lake is a necessity, i know what you think about it (a week in deep sh!t, you sad, me angry), but it wouldnt be that way and im pretty sure about it. i think that everything would get solved instead and yes, i know what im talking about and i rationally though about it, which i would say you didnt (no insult intended..generaly, if this message sounds cold, im sorry but i need to write it the way i do). and if you chose HIM, youll call the camp tomorow to cancel the reservation (wouldnt be fair to them). then we will meet, have a last little kiss and end it, cuz honestly..you cant run it with 2 guys at once and if you choose him, theres no point in maintaining a relationship with me. last thing: i dont want you to choose me and then think about him. talk about it with him or with ZZZ (her girl friend), think about it thoroughly and let me know. im getting up early tomorrow, so good night and i wish you that you decide in a way you will not regret
ME: one last thing..i think it sounds a bit like if i didnt car e about you at all and that if you chose me, it would go to hell soon aynway..so i just wanted to assure you that its not so from my point of view and that thing would be just like before now..erm, before friday bye [now this sounds like a very AFC stuff and im not sure if i did the right thing when i sent it..but from what i wrote before it really might have seemed to her that i dont care at all and will break up with her anyway which would make her go to the other guy to comfort her and fvck things up even more..well thats what i think]

no reply so far (next morning 8:45 am). texted her "ill call you in 15 minutes", the line was busy when i called (or phone off). sent her another text "well maybe not then ", this time with request for delivery notification. when it came, i called her straight away, didnt pick up. i only need to know whether she will come to the lake so i could cancel the reservation..i guess ill let her come to me.

anyway, its pretty long, but if you read through it, any input (how i handled it, what to do now or anything else) would be great.

i suppose some of you will say "as soon as she says she likes him, it means she isnt attracted to you anymore"..well i know her pretty well and do believe there is a real chance of saving the relationship..the question is whether i really want to..and what to do if i do :S

 

[longlifexs]

It's all ****ed up. She said **** like "i dont want you to understand this in the way that i would like him rather than you, but i really cant go for a week with you and act like nothing happened" and "after i come back and spend some time in the city, i will get over it, i hope".

What the **** is she thinking??

That I will sit and wait while she will be making up her mind?

..with no guarantee that she ever gets sane again and remembers that I am the best thing she can have?

I made my family change half of the summer plans because of this one week with her, and she's not going?

Well **** HER!

I'm over this..I'm gonna send her one last text message, one last hint and a chance for her to get her **** together again and do what she should do. Something like "well, once you make up your mind, it will probably be too late". If she doesn't get it, her problem.

I'm SO pissed now. She spends 7 months in a relationship with me and then goes to some ****ing AFC (right after ****ing with me to make it evenmore absurd) and expects me to wait until "she gets over it"?

HA-HA-HA.

I'm not gonna waste any more time. If it wasn't for this forum, I'd probably kiss up to her ass and try some more to keep her. But no, I'm the one who is offering value and if she doesn't want it, I will find a chick that does.

Game over.



Phew..

I really needed to let this out. I feel so much better now

 

[Anchorman]

bro you need to dump her, as soon as possible.

 

[decades]

dude you really went SUPER afc on her. she was surprised at how AFC you got!

 

[longlifexs]

Yeah. That's what I'm gonna do. Hence the thread I just started..gonna end this sh!t on sunday.


--- Consider this thread closed ---

 

[longlifexs]

dude you really went SUPER afc on her. she was surprised at how AFC you got!

yeah..one-itis, I guess :S When I'm reading through it again now, I'm like "omg, how could have i been such a d1ck"..I'm glad I finally understood I seriously need to end this..and hope I will learn from my mistakes.

 

[Axcell]

Well spending a total of some 6 hours in train to see her for 2 would seem kind of weird..but ironically, it would most probably be a much better experience. So, yeah, I guess I should have done it the way you just wrote. Thanks for what you said - I will definitely remember it.

No problem, glad I could help you out.

yeah..one-itis, I guess :S When I'm reading through it again now, I'm like "omg, how could have i been such a d1ck"..I'm glad I finally understood I seriously need to end this..and hope I will learn from my mistakes.

Holy sh*t dump her ASAP. She sounds as if she was acting that way just to piss you off. I had a similar experience in the past, and trust me, if you don't dump her to demonstrate higher value, SHE will dump you or keep running all over you.

Now, I'll help you out in terms of using this as a learning experience. After going out with a girl for a while, you need to ensure that she INVESTS in you so she stays with you. I don't think she had much invested in you to just leave when the next guy came around the corner. You lost the position of becoming the prize and you went head over heels crazy for her (which can happen in a LTR, but you can't lead her to believe that she is the queen of the world.) The moment a girl realizes you want her, she won't want you anymore. There's no challenge, and girls want a challenge. That's why in a relationship (since you are unable to show you don't want her) you need to make her invest time and energy to you.

I'll go back to this concept in your post where you posted your IM conversation where you said she needs to choose between you or him. Why would you make her choose? See how you're making her the prize by allowing HER to choose who she wants. As a DJ, if she is confused about who she wants, leave her alone and let her be. She should come running back to you. Don't take disrespect and DEFINETLY DO NOT keep calling her and sending her text messages regardless of what they say. Show higher value by not contacting her - she will get the message that you're upset and it will raise thoughts in her head such as: "Oh no, what have I done", "I miss him and talking to him", "I wonder what he is doing right now.", etc.

Now I take no credit for the next statement - I remember reading it in an e-book or a post on this site. But the concept I explained above is similar to a casino machine that you put tokens into. If a girl only puts in 1 token and her friend tells her to leave, chances are she will leave the machine. However, if the girl spent 10 minutes putting tokens into the machine and still didn't win, if her friend told her to leave, she probably wouldn't... because she knows she is going to win soon. You are the casino machine and the tokens represent things that she does to INVEST into you. The more she has invested in you, the more she won't want to leave you.

If you remember that single concept in relationships, you'll be MUCH more successful, and this whole situation would have been avoided. If she had a high investment in you, she wouldn't have done something so stupid that would risk you leaving!

Best of luck with the future. Next her - you can find a MUCH better girl. Trust me. (Oh, and make sure the next girl doesn't have the whole long distance problem.)

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

Yes, long-distance relationships are generally a bad idea. It sounds like she just wants some guy to be all over her at camp and then have you sitting twiddling your thumbs back home waiting for her when she gets back.

You also kind of dropped the ball there at the end with the excessive calling and texting. If she still doesn't respond, don't bother texting or calling her again. You're much better off single at that age anyway. You need all the experience you can get. You'll have a lot more opportunities to develop your DJ skills as a single man than tied down to one girl.

In summary, cut your losses and move on.