GF is Testing Me

[Drowning]

Alright, my girlfriend and I have been going out for almost three months now. Everything has been going fine, but tonight she starts really getting on my nerves about a nothing issue. My car is dead so I've been spending a little more time with my friends the past week, since I can't get up to her house. (She lives about 20 min. away.) So, she IMs me about it. In not so direct words, she pretty much tells me that she's mad at me for spending too much time with my friends and ignoring her. (She calls me at least three times a day, and I call her once a day on average.)

So, we continue to talk on AIM (I know, I know. AIM bad. No biscuit.) And she brings up a couple nights past when her friend had a birthday party and I opted to head out to the beach instead of going to it. (I knew no one there and I couldn't get a ride out there, either.) We ended up coming back from the beach early, however, and I had my friend drop me off on the way back. Now, I admit going to the beach instead of hanging out with her might have been a mistake, but coming back when the beach got boring was a definate no-no. I should have just went home, because now she feels like a second-choice or something.

I want to say she's just testing me, but this is really unfair. A week or two ago I told her that I had no problem with her continuing to hang out with her own friends when she brought it up because I trust her. Now, she's in the same situation and wants to make a shltfest out of it. Which leads me to believe she doesn't trust me. And that's really fvcked up.

Now, I want to state that I never said I was sorry at any point in the convo simply because I don't believe I should have to. I haven't done anything wrong.

When I got too frustrated for words, I told her I'd be coming over tomorrow and that I wanted to go to bed. She was really cold to me and I didn't get so much as a goodbye. (It's usually, "I Love You, Hunny. Goodnight!" or something like that.) And to top that off, she put song lyrics on her away message that were "Dedicated by Jake!"; her ex-boyfriend.

Now, I stayed on the computer to write this message, and I just got another IM from her to my away message that pretty much sums up this situation. She tells me she's sorry, but whenever she asked if we could do anything I always was over at my friend's house. She says she's "hurt" that I told her I'd call her back when she called while everyone was watching a movie. (I did call her back, but she "didn't hear it ring.") Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Because I am seriously pissed off and confused.

 

[LikRetsam]

I urge you not too listen to anyone that comes on here afterwards and starts spitting out bible this or DJ that.

For the people who choose to reply: Rethink that. Have you been in his situation? If not, then do not reply. Thank you.

Why I said those two first things is because the slightest thing you do wrong could turn into an even bigger ****fest and you don't need people telling you to do something that will screw you over.

She isn't testing you. This isn't some Donjuan technique. She's being your girlfriend. She's being a person who cares about you and she wants you to see more of her and less of your friends because that makes her think that she isn't as good as your friends. It's that damn simple. There's no black magic behind this. She cares for you and wants you to care for her to the same degree.... or atleast more than your friends.

The solution is the same as everything else in a relationship: talk about it. Face to face, give your side. Listen to hers. Reassure her that you do care about her and then have passionate make up sex.

 

[Drowning]

LoL...you're probably right. It seems like not giving in nor apologizing actually had an effect, though. She ended up apologizing profusely and we spent pretty much the entire day together today. The passionate make-up sex sounds good, but we're not quite there yet, so I'll have to settle for a passionate everything short of actual sex. LoL Thanks for your reply, Retsam.

 

[splinterkb]

Ok. The best approach to this is to talk about it with her. Tell her how you feel. Women respond best to feelings. DO NOT approach it with anger, and start telling her off and whatnot. Women sometimes do these "tests", and if you respond badly, they pull out the big guns and tell you everything you've ever done wrong, or bring up moments from the past (damn those women).