frustration.. how can I force myself to stop wussing out??

[MrNiceGuy]

aahhhrgghh...

Even when I'm getting repeated eye contact and signs of interest I usually can't bring myself to actually walk over and say hello, I'm fine if I "accidentally" happen to end up at the bar next to the chick that's been paying me attention but going up to a girl on the dance floor and trying to talk to her or start dancing with her is a nightmare..

Last night I was at a club, looked around there weren't that many hot girls, certainly not that many that weren;t with guys, but one caught my eye, I saw her a few times thru the evening and now and again she looked at me and seemed interested.. but could I actually stop her and talk to her, even when she was only a couple of feet away from me on the dancefloor.. no. All I saw was some guy trying to dance with her, and her showing no interest in him whatsoever.. there was my opening!! "hey why aren't you dancing with mr sleazebag there? I mean, you gotta give him points for trying" but no.. all I thought was, "she's rejected him, she'll probably reject me, I'm really enjoying the music and the atmosphere, its too loud, it'll be hard to talk, why spoil the evening?" Then later she's at the bar with her friend, I'm thinking "just go over to get a drink and start talking to her.." but no.. I decide, "I don't need another drink and I'm already having a good time on the dancefloor"

Last week at work there was a temp girl in covering for one of the secretaries.. she was hot, and pretty friendly, I'm also one of the only younger guys in the whole office, every now and then as she was walking about I noticed her look at me.. but aside from "hello, good morning" when I came in each moring did I speak to her.. no. I had plenty of chances when I could have decided to go make myself a tea while she was in the kitchen, but again I wussed out.. this time, the excuse in my head being to do with me being too stressed out by the work I was doing and not wanting to have to deal with the hassle of making small talk, I had too much thinking to do.. when the real problem was that I'd realised I liked her and I was making too big a deal out if it all..

I just need to get someone to give me a kick up the ass next time I'm in one of those situations. Next time I'm in a club and I see a girl I like, I'm gonna tell one of my friends I'm thinking of appraoching her and he needs to hassle me to go do it untill I do. I know the more you do this the easier it gets I just need to get back into the swing of it again..

 

[salsipuedes]

"Approaching is like riding a bicycle, no one just gets on and start riding perfectly the first time, you have to try and try again, fall as many times as needed, and slowly start to learn until you feel comfortable."

-Salsipuedes-

 

[syncmaster]

I found a good solution the other day. Get a buddy who has the same interests as you and make each other approach. Kinda like a spotter at the gym coaxing you along.

 

[MrNiceGuy]

Originally posted by syncmaster
I found a good solution the other day. Get a buddy who has the same interests as you and make each other approach. Kinda like a spotter at the gym coaxing you along.

yeah I think thats the right tactic.. if there's someone with you to encourage you along it works better..

Its weird, for example one of my friends has no problems approaching girls but often wusses out of calling them or only texts them since he for some reason is nervous about phone conversations.. I have no problems with that at all, sure I'm nervous sometimes but I just do it.. I think she gave me the number, that means there's nothing wrong with me calling.. I prefer it to texting since you get so much more information just by hearing their voice, you can gauge how interested they are.. I guess different people find different things easy, it just sucks that one of the hardest things I find is right at the bottom of the ladder

 

[Colinski282]

SOmehting that has helped me along the way i read in a news letter was something like this.

Why do we get nervous before we call a chcik for the first time? Why do we get scared before we approach a woman? It is because our emotions are taking control.

What one must do is say to oneself "Controll Your Emotions." Think about that statement for a while and then go on with your bad self!

 

[MrNiceGuy]

I think I definitely need to let guys i'm out with know when there's a chick im interested in but I'm choking.. I think part of the reason I don't have a problem with calling chicks is when I'm thinking about doing it I'm usually home on my own in my room, so there are no other people to distract me.. sure I can watch tv or something but in my head I'm thinking you should be calluing that girl.. plus I always have the number ready to call.. in a club or whatever you can let yourself get distracted talking to a friend for a few minutes and then your window with the chick is gone since she's gone somewhere else.. thats the thing, the window of opportunity is so much smaller so its all to easy to distract yourself till it goes away.. If I tell my friends what I'm thinking of doing, they'll be like.. "I'm not talking to you again till you go speak to that girl"

 

[Jukeboxhero]

Don't worry man, I know exactly what your going through. As a matter of fact, it sounds like a typical night out for me. I'm beginning to find that just walking up to a girl in saying something is the best way to start. Don't worry if you come off sounding stupid at first, remember where not all master Don Juan's on our first approach--it takes loads of practice. So if you have a good opening, definetly go for it. Opening is something I have a lot of trouble with myself--I always try to think of something "unique" or at least an interesting way to break the ice. Lots of times I have to default to a simple "Hello, how are doing?" and introduce yourself.

However, this is a good example if you are alone, if you can get a friend to go with you it will be much easier I think. I find it really helpful to bring a friend who is perhaps more "socially experienced" and can spot you like the above posters said.
Have him break the ice a few times so you can see how he opens and then do some practice runs as well. I've only done this a few times but already I can feel my confidence rising.

 

[Chrisman]

Yeah, you said you had a friend that was really good at approaching, but wussed out calling. Well watch how he approaches. When he's doing it, just listen. Just look at it as a teacher giving you an example.

I went to the club last weekend with a friend that is like a natural DJ. I never put it together what his secret was until I read a little by deangelo. Than I noticed that he was naturally ****y and funny. So I just kind of sat there and listened to the way he talked to woman.

Amazing what I learned. It's the attitude. He wasn't going to expect the girl to entertain him. He'd say some pretty ****y ****, just for his own kicks.

So if you got a friend good at approaches, make sure you study the way he acts, the things he says, body language, etc.