"The Kiss of Death Mistake"

You replay the conversation at 2 a.m. She texted back fast yesterday. Today, nothing. Was that smile friendly or flirty? What did the shoulder touch mean?

Every hour you spend decoding her signals drains your confidence and hands her the controls. Women can sense that insecurity from across the room — and it repels them.

One of the "22 Rules" kills the obsession on the spot: assume she likes you, and act accordingly. Sounds too simple. Works anyway.

Her interest tends to rise to meet your expectations. Psychologists call it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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Friends Not Surprised by Eva and Tony's Divorce

Naughty Ninja

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Just three years after their fairytale wedding in a French castle, Eva Longoria filed for divorce from basketball star Tony Parker citing irreconcilable differences. Several guests who attended the wedding tell me they are surprised it lasted this long.

"Neither one of them wanted to get married for the right reasons in the first place," a friend of the couple tells me, revealing that after Eva found overnight success on 'Desperate Housewives,' she became dizzyingly attracted to fame.

"After seeing all the attention Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' wedding had received she wanted the same," my source notes. "And Tony just happened to be the right man in the right place at the right time."
In 2007, I was working at the weekly magazine that secured the exclusive access and images to the too-good-to-be-true wedding, where fireworks lit up the sky at Chateau of Vaux le Vicomte, a 17th Century castle on the outskirts of Paris. I remember scouring through hundreds of images desperately trying to find a picture of the couple looking happy on their big day. It was much harder than it should have been.

"Tony spent most of the day listening to music on his iPod when not being pushed into pictures, while Eva spent the entire evening hanging with her friends and dancing," a wedding guest tells me. "Tony seemed confused by the circus Eva had assembled."

After only one year, cracks were already starting to show as cheating rumors circulated, but reluctant to give up her Hollywood fairytale, Eva stood by her man.

Finally, after recently discovering more evidence of Tony cheating, Eva couldn't keep up the façade any longer.

"She has been going home to an empty house for way too long," a friend of Eva's tells me. "Finally the charade is over and we can all stop pretending."

Ultimately, Eva's friends think she's positioned to thrive as a single girl. "She has grown up a lot in the past three years," her friend reveals.

The couple, who married in 2007, have no children together and have a prenuptial agreement. Currently, the word around town is that Tony and Eva agreed to split after she found hundreds of spicy text messages between the San Antonio Spur and Erin Barry, the wife of a former teammate.

Tony finally responded to the controversy on Thursday night, telling PEOPLE that he wasn't blindsided by Eva's filing at all. "Eva and I have been discussing our situation privately," he said. "I was aware that she would be filing for divorce in Los Angeles."

He also addressed other rumors about the split: "I did not file for divorce in Texas and did not hire divorce attorneys in either Texas or California. We plan to continue to keep our discussions of this matter private."


This news is just terrible isn't it? Poor Eva. Bad Tony.
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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HolyG

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Who gives a flying f**k. What are you a woman? Lemme rant for just a second here...only women read these trashy gossip magazines. Instead of living vicariously through lives of others, work on improving your own life.

Second, how is this related to life improvement / being a DJ in any way?

Thirdly, poor Eva? Do my ears deceive me? Attention *****s get dumped.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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