Friend setting me up

[Doc73]

About a week ago me and my best friend went for a walk to talk about his relationship problems (and trust me does he have them!). Somehow in the conversation the topic of his ex girlfriend came up and some of her friends as well. He mentioned that one of her friends was single and had asked him if he knew of any good single guys. He then asked me if I was interested. Because I recently moved here and wanted to meet people though, I am not necessarily looking for a relationship, I agreed.

Here is the kicker, she has a kid. When he told me that I agreed on the condition that the child factor stays out of the friendship/possible relationship if it ever develops for the time being. I have nothing against kids but I do not want to be a surrogate father, at least for now.

Anyways, I talked to my friend a couple of days ago and she told him about me and he asked if it was ok to give her my hotmail account so we could chat on IM. He did say that she was quite the hottie and trust me if he says a girl is hot, she usually is . He also said something to the extent of that I better make a good impression, to which I replied thats not my job, its her job to make a good impression to me. I just want to be myself and see if she is worth my time. If it doesnt work out, then no big loss.

However I will be going under the assumption that we do hit it off. My plan is to chat with her online once or twice to get to know her then if all goes well get her # and call her. My ultimate goal is to meet her in person as soon as possible to see if there is any chemistry. What do you guys think?

 

[DoubleA]

Sounds like you already have a plan. See how it goes. She may not want you to be a surrogate father. You'll know if there's any chemistry in the first five minutes. Otherwise, don't waste your time.

 

[Albion4]

When you date a woman with a child they come as a single package. What do you expect... her to put the kid away in a drawer when you're around? If you're not into kids, you need to nip this at the bud because if things get going that kid will be part of your life whether you like it or not.

-Al

 

[NewMan]

From someone who is in a situation of dating a woman with a kid.

You can ignore the kid for the short time, but it will not go away - nor will your feelings on the subject.

If you don't want to be a surrogate father (and you know that now) - then do not start anything with this woman - because if you done and you happen to like her, the kid will come in between.....

That is what is happening to me now.

It's not a fun ride.

 

[averagejoe]

It sounds to me like you have a good plan but if you aren't ready to deal with kids right now then don't date women with kids. It is not fair to anyone one involved.

 

[Doc73]

When you date a woman with a child they come as a single package. What do you expect... her to put the kid away in a drawer when you're around? If you're not into kids, you need to nip this at the bud because if things get going that kid will be part of your life whether you like it or not.

I am well aware of that fact that mother and child are a single package. I thought about this before I decided to go along with it, knowing what might happen. If things work out between the two of us am I ready to be a father figure? I do not know, I have never been in that position before. But, and I am assuming that there is a connection between us, I would like to go out on a few more dates before the child is brought into the picture. After that we shall see.

Incidentally, we exchanged emails today. I will keep you guys updated.

 

[penkitten]

Originally posted by Doc73
I am well aware of that fact that mother and child are a single package. I thought about this before I decided to go along with it, knowing what might happen. If things work out between the two of us am I ready to be a father figure? I do not know, I have never been in that position before. But, and I am assuming that there is a connection between us, I would like to go out on a few more dates before the child is brought into the picture. After that we shall see.

Incidentally, we exchanged emails today. I will keep you guys updated.

very good thinking

 

[Doc73]

Update:

Well, I have since chatted with her on IM a few times, not for very long though. I made it that way because I want to get to know her in person asap. Today I got the chance. She called me up and asked me if I wanted to join her for lunch with my best friend and the girl he is 'seeing' (long story). Of course I was fine with it, and she told me where to meet me. We met in pure blind date fashion and we managed to chat for a bit before my other friends came. Unfortunately he brought a friend of his which kinda ruined the mood. Oh yeah, and wether it was because I felt nervous, or if it was because I had barely any sleep but I could not think of anything ****y or funny to say.

Long story short it was a sombre meeting. I do not know if I felt any attraction toward her, and I dont know if she felt any toward me. I do know that the fact I was nervous had something to do with it. I am going to her place tonight with the same people that were with us to go drinking. I am not going to drink much, just enough to loosen me up a bit. I will keep you all posted

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Doc73
I am well aware of that fact that mother and child are a single package. I thought about this before I decided to go along with it, knowing what might happen. If things work out between the two of us am I ready to be a father figure? I do not know, I have never been in that position before. But, and I am assuming that there is a connection between us, I would like to go out on a few more dates before the child is brought into the picture. After that we shall see.

Incidentally, we exchanged emails today. I will keep you guys updated.

As a single mother I have a policy about men I date meeting my children. Unless I believe it is going to lead to a long term relationship I typically won't let a guy meet my kids at all. If he manages to win me over, then he gets to meet my kids, and not until. If he can win over the kiddos (not as some lame "surrogate father" crap, but as a person) then he might just be a "keeper". I've raised my kids to respect adults, and not to view any men I get involved with as a "father". When a boyfriend and single mother's children feel pressured to form "father-child" bonds it makes it harder for them to like each other.