Forgetting an ex

[Serg897]

Hey all,

Im writing to ask for help dealing with an inner struggle Im sure most of you have dealt with at some point in your lives. Im sure there have been other threads made about this in the past, but I just want to share my personal situation, what I've gained from it, and how Im trying to deal with it in the best way possible - as well as seek advice and new outlooks.

A few months ago I posted the following thread about a situation I had with a woman:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=154226

For those that don't feel like perusing through the whole thing (I don't blame you), essentially I had become so attached and infatuated with this girl I let myself become completely AFC and lose all perspective. My whole mindset was off. I look back at some of those posts now and I cant believe what I wrote sometimes. Of course, I ended up driving her away from me.

The whole experience was very painful for me.

Afterwards I went home from school for an entire month, gradually got her off my mind (somewhat), found another girl that I saw regularly (and who now wants to visit me at school). And I know from experience that there are always new potential girls to date around every corner.

All is good right? Wrong. Being back here at school, where it all happened, brings back old memories and feelings of the girl in force. I still beat myself up sometimes for making idiotic mistakes that led to my downfall with this girl. While I definitely learned many things from this experience and I don't think I'll ever make these mistakes again, I wish I could go back with the knowledge I have now and try again. Of course thats not possible.

It doesn't make any sense to try to get back with her. Im leaving this town for good after the semester is over, and moving on to graduate school somewhere else. Her number hasn't been on my phone for weeks now, and her AIM has been deleted.

But I still think about her. Many of you on this forum say that no girl is any more special than the next, that you shouldn't get hung up over one, etc. But I disagree slightly. I do think that there are women that are able to captivate you and affect you more than others. She was sweet, intelligent, loving, and fun while it lasted.

I know that nothing but time will heal these wounds. But I just wanted to share this on the forum, and see if anyone has a similar experience they can talk about as well. What drives men like us to find this forum is often a painful experience like this with a woman.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Dannyrt34]

Haha, wouldn't we all like to go back in time, with the knowledge we have now. I thought deeply about this, and decided I actually WOULDN'T.

You live, you learn, I like that saying. I've been through some painful breakups, and I learned lessons from all of them. I've had lots of bad learning experiences from my life. This is how I see it though:

I'm glad I had that painful breakup that led me hear 3 years ago, I'm glad I had all them failed dates I been on, I even had another year relationship that failed miserably about 6 months ago. I'm glad that happened too. You know why? I learned from all of this. Someday I will meet that special person, and if none of that ever happened, I would fail once again! All of these bad things are really PREPARING you for your future. I look at all these negatives as good things, someday, maybe you will too.

 

[BustedKnucks]

Forgetting an ex is more based on time than anything else. We all take a different approach toward recovery, and sometimes porking the next girl is not the answer.

 

[Casually]

The old advice to FTOW, right I've found that just having random sex with a bunch of women doesn't help much, but if I develop a strong emotional connection with another woman, it helps me forget about past relationships.

Also, just focus on developing your life. Channel the emotional energy from the situation towards something good. Then you can look back later and say that your life was better because of the experience.

 

[Serg897]

Thanks for the replies, guys.

Haha, wouldn't we all like to go back in time, with the knowledge we have now. I thought deeply about this, and decided I actually WOULDN'T.

....


All of these bad things are really PREPARING you for your future. I look at all these negatives as good things, someday, maybe you will too.

This is a mind-set that has definitely helped me. Like I said, I don't ever see myself repeating the mistake of letting myself become so attached to a woman and becoming AFC - because I will remember this experience and see it coming.

I just remember all the fun times we had around here, and I miss her a bit.

 

[WC2]

I've come through a long line of f*cked up ex's and relationships and let me tell you, the only solution is time and your own free will.

Ultimately it's your free will that will decide whether you hang on this chick and time is an aid that will help you forget her.

You have the free will to believe things. For instance, your free will believes this chick was great for you, you'll probably never find someone like her. You're thinking emotionally. Bad.

Fortunately, your emotional thinking is wrong. There are SO MANY girls out there, millions, upon millions who are probably just as good for you, if not better. However, instead of thinking logically, you're thinking emotionally.

"Oh I remember we used to do this here."

or

"The first time we did this, we were standing right here"

You need to get out of this dangerous mindset. Once a man becomes emotional, he becomes vulnerable. He starts telling other women about his experiences with his ex, etc. Don't be this man.

You'll need your own free will to start doing things that will eliminate her from your mind. The obvious; delete anything about her in your life. Start seeing new people, not just girls, but meet new friends also. Start going out more often, you're 21 AND SHOULD BE LIVING IT UP.

That's another thing; how the hell are you going to pout over an ex when you've just hit the best age of your life? I turned 21 a little over a year ago and I can't tell you how much p*ssy I ravaged through within the past year.

And guess what?

I was stuck on my ex too.

So how'd I do it? By believing the truth; there are too many good women out there to think about just one. Memories are emotional, not logical. Being single gives you time to improve yourself. Don't regret the past, you've learned A LOT from your past relationship and you're ready to put it on in any new one that comes about.

It's all about mindset and outlook. Free will. You will yourself to do something, you'll do it. Start thinking more positively about being single and meeting other women and your mind will follow.

 

[COD]

read the "is she a keeper" article

spin more plates......avoids 1-itis.

retrospecting what if I did this scenarios is pointless, breakups are inevitable and a reality. Go get therapy and learn from your mistakes or FTOW.

Future will have MEMORY SUPRESSION pills to make getting over her period instant, til then......move on

 

[izza]

Yeah, being back at "the scene of the crime" always brings up a lot of memories.

I seem to repeat myself a lot, but I haven't heard this thought come up so I thought I'd put it here for the others to discuss. I think most breakups - especially around the age of 21 - are minimally about the girl.

The girl and all the good feelings of having a girl cover up a lot of pain that we feel, things we don't like about ourselves, anxieties that we have. When the girl goes, she brings the tarp with her all at once. So yes, it's the girl leaving with the tarp that triggers the pain. I don't want to underemphasize that. I also want to emphasize that most of the problems having a girl covers up were there before you met her, probably didn't change while you knew her, and are still there after she leaves.

Don't get me wrong - even for really, really healthy people, a breakup is tough for a certain amount of time. Depends how close you were and how long you were together. I just mean to point out that, for whatever reason, our sexuality is extremely bound with other parts of our psychology. Healing from romance often means healing a lot of stuff we would have never imagined was related.

Be suspicious of this "well get another tarp" reasoning. It's great to meet new girls and have fun. It's also great to get to the underlying problems and learn to solve them.

Overall, remembering stuff like this is a good sign - and something to work on. It means that you have some stuff to process that you haven't processed yet. I recommend clustering or meditation. Clustering means you write key words about the memory, why it bothers you, what it relates to. It perhaps sounds strange, but for me it's really really effective. By meditate, I just mean silence your mind for 5 minutes every time a painful memory comes up. That will root out a lot of problems.

COD I don't think we want memory suppression pills. Although these memories are painful, if you know what to do with them, they help you make peace with the world.

For instance, I used to get upset about all sorts of stuff - I was a huge worrier, I didn't take risks, I was bland. A really bad breakup I had brought all of those things to the fore, and it hurt a whole lot. I couldn't handle it for about two years, dated others pretty casually. Once I became ready to deal with all that stuff, I did. I calmed down, I stopped trying to control everything, I spiced up my life, got better friends. In short, I healed the REAL problems. I'm not perfect, but I am a very happy person now.

Izza

 

[COD]

MEMORY PILLS ARE COMING..........ITS A FACT and they can replace it with new confidence memories.

TOTAL RECALL movie is a near reality...........the future is very scary of what lies ahead and sure will have a ton of glitches. But make no mistake.......U cant stop it.....memory supression will be a viable option.

RAPE victims, tramatic experiences, etc.......all will initiate new psychology and destroy old psycho babble "what ever doesnt kill us makes us stronger BS".

Yes better to deal with it than supress it.......for right now, in the future.......lets all pop a happy pill.

 

[Four_Aces]

The old advice to FTOW, right I've found that just having random sex with a bunch of women doesn't help much, but if I develop a strong emotional connection with another woman, it helps me forget about past relationships.

Well said. Random sex helps. Emotionally attached sex is even better.