Finding a reference group

[seize_the_pattern]

Hi,


I know that finding other dudes and getting them to show you there game and being upfront about that is KILLER

The thing is. I know a few guys who do that, but I dont know them really well at all.

Does anyone have an experience with how to approach those guys and make sure you're conveying the things to them so they can pick it up in a respectful way and see where it goes,...

allright cheers,

 

[earthshyne]

It pretty much depends on your social status within the group. I've been asked to help out young bucks on occasion and I'm glad to do so (after all, we all like to show off how much we know, don't we?) but if your social status in the group is in the lower 1/3, you run the risk of ending up as the butt of someone's joke.

So instead of asking outright, I'd just watch and listen for a while. Not just the ones that are successful, but the ones that get shot down in flames too. You'll learn more from failure than you will from success.

Also, bear in mind that each person's approach will be slightly different based on their personality type, the social situation, the style of the target and other factors. What may work here may not work there. So listen, learn, cultivate your own style and when the rejections come (and they will) use them as learning experiences instead of allowing them to crush your spirit.

It ain't easy, but it's probably the best way.

Good luck! Keep us posted on your progress!

 

[Luveno]

The worst AFC Ive ever seen

The thing about this website, and playing the game in general, is that its evidence based. Things work because they have in the past, and vice versa.
Last nite a buddy and me went to a club, and watched this ridiculously attractive asian girl strut her stuff on the dance floor. That is all fine and dandy, but the more entertaining thing was watching this idiotic chump AFC(This guy was the most pathetic AFC Ive ever seen) grovel all over this one girl. He was giving her attention all night, even when she was avoiding dancing with him. She even dragged him to the bar so that he could buy her drinks! It was pathetic. He'd stand there with her drink, and she would dance for a few minutes more before even taking it from him!
You ever get that feeling when you see something like that? Like you wanna go up to the guy, smack him upside the head and tell him how it really is? Its kinda like children - they gotta learn for themselves. We all had to at one point.

 

[seize_the_pattern]

well let's say socially im a little above average. Like I do have a bunch of friends and ive even gotten very picky about hanging with those.

I did go south on the social skills now and then, and I probably will in the future, but my mindset is exactly correct to view that as an opportunity to grow, better than to feel bad about myself and affirm myself as uncapable.
But it must be told that in school I was indeed the butt of the cool dudes jokes, as you say.
And I recoverd A LOT from that. My visual style now is not dorky, people often ask me why I hardly show up with women because I look good, when i started keeping track of that I started noticing that A LOT of people think that.
frustrating.
Nowadays I tend to be funny now and then, but often times I find myself loosing control of my communication and end up too goofy and nervous.

Im very confident about my theoretical mindset of all this. I dont want to bragging or anything, but together with my cultural studies I do now, the DYD stuff is like the thing and from there I got into several other personal enhancement stuff (think and grow rich mindset,...)

Now, there is 1 guy who digs this material too but he's just at the same level so all we do is end up discussing everything, but no practice.

However, I can never tell what's going on in bars when people are interacting with eachother, I try to observe and find myself jealous a lot about how fun those people interact with eachother and like talking all playful and me just sitting there watching the show...

 

[seize_the_pattern]

Yeah thats pretty much it ...

I do the observing thing in school and in bars and what have you.
I guess that my social jealousy numbs my perception of what is going on a lot of times. However I sorta made up this "unwritten exercise" where I just say to myself - something like:" ok, just sitting here and perceiving is your job tonight, you dont have to do anything else today, since you're doing step 1 of the process,..."

However I find myself in that artificial state for maybe 1 minute but soon enough I go back to that state of being intimidated by the way guys interact with eachother and women.

I realise that a whole lot of DJ could be done just by improving the way Id be communicating with guy friends.
It makes me wonder that C&F isnt really just this technique to become attractive, but moreso a root social skill,.

any comments on that one? anyone felt the same way and - most important of all - recovered from it. How did you recover?