Female testing a guy's soft side, then using it against him

[logicallefty]

Am I reading this wrong or do females try to put guys through what I would call "softness tests"???

As in like they will bring up a topic of conversation relating to something that they KNOW will make MOST guys spill his soft/sensative side, only to then use that as a factor to weed him out when he does show the soft side?

This girl I had just met through a mutual friend did this to me the other night at our first "coffee" meeting. She began to tell me how f***ed up her life is how she is a bad parent how she sux at her job and cant manage her finances and on and on and on..

In my AFC days I would have said "no no no you aren't a looser" and "I have problems with my BLA too, it happens to the best of us.." Instead, my natural response actually was "geepers! wow, sounds like you really do have a lot of s*** to fix in your life, well at least you have taken the first step and recognized how messed up you are before it got worse. ".. Her look was of total utter shock as she said "yeah.... pretty much"..

Was that shock as in "damn you rude SOB, forget you... " or shock as in "Damn you rude SOB you just passed my test and made it to the second round"??! I am think second round because she called me the next day, but still, i wanted to get you guys' feedback on this issue..

 

[DJDamage]

. She began to tell me how f***ed up her life is how she is a bad parent how she sux at her job and cant manage her finances and on and on and on..

Women always talk about themselves and if the conversation gets stale or she doesn't like you then she will start putting herself down or talking sh1t about her life. It is you who has the power to steer the conversation to something more interesting before it really gets ugly. However if it is a first date and she starts talking sh1t consider that a warning sign and get the fvck out of there.

 

[GirlCrazy]

As in like they will bring up a topic of conversation relating to something that they KNOW will make MOST guys spill his soft/sensative side, only to then use that as a factor to weed him out when he does show the soft side?

Not only that, but they will do followup tests. Some guys put on an "Alpha Act" that enough sh!t tests will eventually see through. Since a true alpha plays by a different ruleset, sh!t tests bounce off him with no effect.

 

[WaterTiger]

What the hell is WROOOOOONG with these people???? You don't go on a first date and tell a total stranger "Hi! I'm a pathetic loser with a totally screwed up life and on the verge of suicide".

I went out with a guy not long ago that said about the same thing. Started with his abusive mom, his youth spent in foster homes & juvie lock up and how hard it is for him to keep relationships with women. I set a new land speed record getting out the door. People who dump this on you at a first date are either looking for pity, or they are truely nuts and feel they should warn you first.

LogicalLefty, you did the absolute correct thing. You should think very carefully about seeing this girl again. Her chaos might be catching and you certianly don't want that in YOUR life.

 

[decades]

Man consider yourself lucky for two reasons. One she tipped her hand on the first meet. You DO NOT want anyone in your life spewing like she did on the first meet. The first meetup should be devoid of any drama or heaviness. Second, you're smarter than you used to be and can recognize when someone is a bit "off". I would run from her. She is trouble.


regards

 

[MacAvoy]

Heres what I would do if you ever fall into that same scenario. After she dumps on you, tell her "I'm sorry but I don't have time for this and here's a tip, the next time you like a guy and go on a date with him, don't scare him off with your baggage before he even gets to like you" Get up and walk away.

You accomplish 2 things by doing this. Set the tone that you don't put up with BS. If you decide that you are willing to put up with some negativity in exchange for a smoking body or something like that, she will have to chase you in order to make it happen. Either way, your the man with your head up high and she looks up to you.

 

[d9930380]

If a girl tells you anything like this when she first meets you or soon after it's a ploy to manipulate you. She wants you to feel sorry for her and therefore be a good guy to her because she's fragile. I've actually been told by a girl she does this to guys - after another girl did it to me.

It's bollocks - when people go through these major dramas in life it makes them stronger NOT weaker however it gives them amunition (and a certain amount of well **** them all attitude) to use against others.

It's the innocent people who get strewed over by these people. I hate to get all religious here BUT I keep finding truth in it, Jesus says to enter the kingdom of heaven you have to be as innocent as little children and I can see his point because it's generally the innocent ones who haven't gone through crap are the MOST loving, trusting and GOOD people out there.

 

[MacAvoy]

It's the innocent people who get strewed over by these people. I hate to get all religious here BUT I keep finding truth in it, Jesus says to enter the kingdom of heaven you have to be as innocent as little children and I can see his point because it's generally the innocent ones who haven't gone through crap are the MOST loving, trusting and GOOD people out there.

What does this have to do with being a DJ?