StrayCat
Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2018
- Messages
- 176
- Reaction score
- 48
- Age
- 48
In my 20s - early 30's I was pretty happy, pain free and a go getter. I'm now 42 bored and just tired of life. No, I am not depressed, but my chronic pain has been acting up for weeks and it just destroys any interests I have of leaving my place. I can work from home, and I still do my work for money to pay my bills, but I am just tired of life. I am probably tired because when my pain acts up, it just ruins everything. I've been fine for a couple of years without kidney stones. Out of no where, they've come back and I eat a clean diet. I was in four days of pure hell. Yea, I got the pain killers which took the edge off, but I am now dealing with the aftermath of the side effects from the pain pills. Stomach is upset, constipation, dull heartaches on top of my normal pain. I sometimes feel like I am in a prison. I hide my issues with the females I date as I can keep cool while with them. Sometimes they want to do things overnight or the next day and it becomes really hard. I just feel likes it's a means to an end. I am zapped from a lot of energy because my body is dealing with suicide headaches, IBD chronic, kidney stones (uric acid, not calcium). I used to enjoy going out, but now, because of this IBD BS it makes it really hard. One female I've been dating for a while now wants to go on a trip. No way I can do that right now. I've tried to tell others in the past of my chronic pain issues, they understand and they are not major, as all my levels are perfect. It's mainly discomfort. Not discomfort such as a broken toe. Discomfort in terms of on the floor or bed in pure hell pain. It's an ongoing cycle. I was told off sugar, off wheat, off flour, eat vegetables and fruit, eat more protein. IBD is one of those diseases where you can manage it, but when it gets out of whack, you are in hell. Somedays I just hope and pray I just make it through with no issues. When I have to go see a client, I cannot even eat a thing until I get back. If I were a lessor man, I do not know what I'd do. The doctors have no answers. They say deal with it. Or, I was dealt a bad hand in life. Sorry, deal with it. I just want to have a someone normal life where I can go out and have fun and explore. If this is life, death cannot be much worse. At least I wouldn't be in pain. Though, since I am in "perfect health" in terms of my numbers, I am told I should live a long life. Yay. I just wish I could find peace and stop being in this constant pain. While some people think kidney stones, IBD and suicide headaches aren't a big deal; unless you've experienced them, you have no idea. Kidney stones feel like little sharp razors going through your kidney for days. Suicide headaches feel like your eyes will pop out, skin will peel off and your head will explode. IBD feels like your digestive system either doesn't stop pushing things out or won't let them out no matter what you eat or do.
I can deal with the loneliness, I've been around it decades. I am used to being alone. It's the constant acts within my body. Yes, looking at me when I am not under an attack, you'd never know my daily fights. One dr years ago had me do a monitored sleep study and saw the hell I went through on the floor in the fetal position. He gave me a prescription for Percs. The bottle had 100+ pills. Helped with the pain, but messed up my stomach. I was also hooked on Percs which I finally went cold turkey and broke the habit over a 10 days time. I will only take a pain medication for kidney stones at a hospital. The pain is just unreal. My blood pressure this weekend was over 280 and four nurses had to attempt to calm me down until the doc came over to give me a drip. I thought I had hundreds of razors going though my left kidney. I wanted to die. I took six shots of IV drip dilaudid and another drip for saline and final one for anti-nausea. The drs on call refused to let me eat anything until the stones pass.
Life is pure hell. I just do not know what to do.
I can deal with the loneliness, I've been around it decades. I am used to being alone. It's the constant acts within my body. Yes, looking at me when I am not under an attack, you'd never know my daily fights. One dr years ago had me do a monitored sleep study and saw the hell I went through on the floor in the fetal position. He gave me a prescription for Percs. The bottle had 100+ pills. Helped with the pain, but messed up my stomach. I was also hooked on Percs which I finally went cold turkey and broke the habit over a 10 days time. I will only take a pain medication for kidney stones at a hospital. The pain is just unreal. My blood pressure this weekend was over 280 and four nurses had to attempt to calm me down until the doc came over to give me a drip. I thought I had hundreds of razors going though my left kidney. I wanted to die. I took six shots of IV drip dilaudid and another drip for saline and final one for anti-nausea. The drs on call refused to let me eat anything until the stones pass.
Life is pure hell. I just do not know what to do.
