Far beyond frustration....

[Ricky]

The last few months have been extremely hectic for me. I've been finishing a masters degree and preparing to move for a new job in a new city and a new career path.

In the process of moving, I've had run ins with family over various issues and the tough task of saying goodbye to friends (some of whom I suspect won't have a chance to visit with me for some time and likewise).

To add to this, a few months ago I fell hard for a new girlfriend. She had sky high interest in me which led me to develop a similar level of interest.

Now it seems to be declining. In fact she is supposed to meet up with me next week in the new town, and she even has a free ticket to go, yet we talk every day and in the last few weeks it hasn't even come up. I am left wondering if she is even going. I didn't bother to ask yet but suppose i will when we talk tonight.

At one point the girl even talked of moving to the new town. Now her withdrawal is causing me to lose interest in her by the day. I am actually kind of pissed and disappointed in her.

She seemed like a great girl but now it looks like it's headed the wrong way. To add to that my parents are frustrating the hell out of me because they want to help every step of the way on the move and they don't understand me when I tell them not only don't I need the help, it is also unwanted. They have made my farewell tour very hard.

Anyways, sometimes people can really be a pain in the ass. I'm actually looking forward to getting away from people for some time and being alone in my thoughts.

I just need to get the excitement back so i can enjoy the new town and thrive in my new job.

Anyways, I just wanted to relate this story to get it off the chest and to let everybody know that if you too have times where you just want to tell everyone else to F Off and leave you alone, that I am right there with you.

Hopefully i will have a more cheerful picture to relate later.

What is frustrating especially to me is that finishing this degree was a big accomplishment involving tons of sacrifice to me. To this point I don't even feel like I've been able to celebrate or enjoy it.

It is a particular kick to the balls when your family chose this time to lash out at you and your girlfriend doesn't seem to give a care about you anymore. I got a job at a real prestigious place and should be thrilled about it, but nooone else seems to care and now I'm losing my excitement about it as well.

 

[Slickster]

To add to that my parents are frustrating the hell out of me because they want to help every step of the way on the move and they don't understand me when I tell them not only don't I need the help, it is also unwanted. They have made my farewell tour very hard.

I've been thru this too and after all was said and done I felt terrible that I was being such an a$$ to people who were going out of their way to help me.

Remember that your parents are having to say goodbye to someone they care about a great deal too. Just because you are all grown up doesn't mean that they've stopped worrying and caring about you. Whether you want their help or not - let them help. You may not realize how much it means to them. Just tell them to give you a little space while doing so. Moving is very stressfull. Expect a few bumps.

Remember your parents gave you EVERYTHING!! If you can't appreciate that then what does that say about you?

Good luck in the new town and the new job.

 

[RAFCbearfilm]

Appreciate your sentiments, been there myself. Slickster is on point though, your parents are your parents forever. When you have your own child, you will understand. They only wants what's best for you. You will miss them when your gone, and you cannot run home for a quick fix of food or whatever. Taking things for granted...

**Edited** because it's funny how typos can change the context of what you really wanted to say!

 

[Ricky]

Thanks guys you are right. I love them.

I will miss them alot.

I hope they come to visit. They just get stressed out about things more than me, which then causes me to get stressed out in response to them, not the external factors.

 

[Genghis Juan]

As for the parents, I agree with Slickster.

I'd say try to "manage" your parents by only allowing them a certain small amount of room to actually intervene and influence your life. Therefore, they get enough of that to keep them involved with you, but at the same time, you have your space. Its a delicate balance. Just remember this though, in this big ass world, where the majority of people couldn't give a rat's azz about you, noone in your life will love and care more about you than your parents. Once they are gone, you will never have someone in your life that will be so caring and interested in your well-being ever again. Thinking that always keeps it in perspective for me.

Congrats on your new degree. I will soon complete an MBA this summer, and I can relate to the immense sacrafice of time, effort, and discarded social life time that it requires. Don't let a woman damper this accomplishment.

I'm in the same town you're moving too

You're gonna like this place, its a high-tech, young college town with a good female to male ratio. Sure, the people are East Coast, so they won't be friendly like the Midwesterners, but the vast majority of Yuppies in the city aren't from Boston anyways. Fun times await you.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You'll meet new people in your new town and a few years from now you most likely will be happier and more successful. You are feeling sad and stressed because you are starting all over again and leaving that and those who you know the best - it is only natural to feel abandoned but remember you are the one who is extricating yourself from your current relationships.

I wouldn't put too much effort on this current girl - maybe if it was a longer relationship she would make more of a effort to join your new life - it is a difficult decision for someone to move and put all of their trust into someone who they have just met.

Your parents are on your team - they want you to excel and not burden you - no parent wants to see their child move away from them!!

 

[Ricky]

Thanks guys. I got some really nice advice in this thread.

This is such a good career option for me, I just thought that it would a happier time moving. Inevitably sadness set in for awhile.

My parents are happy for me and this girl is as well. She is joining me next week as I move in. Now where it goes from there one never knows. But that's the thing about life it is unpredictable.

One thing about my parents that gave me a little heartache. I had received an offer in town after I had already accepted the out of town offer. They offered me better money to stay here and I wouldn't have to move.

However I felt that keeping my word was very important. I decided to move. I'm going to a much more prestigious workplace in my field.

In any event I think I can always move back home in a while if I need to for my parents health. They are getting older.

 

[BigDawg]

Good luck on the move. Here is another way to look at it. By taking the job away from home, you're doing what's right for you. Moving is always challenging, both from an emotional as well as practical point of view. As mentioned by other contributors to this thread, your family is on your side no matter what. But aside from the uncertainties you face, you clearly have an understanding of the things you have to do, painful as some of those things might be.

I know of the anxiety you are going through in relocating and losing a relationship. I've moved six times in the past 15 years, and it's getting a little old (military service, grad school, job, etc.). But in every place, I've managed to make lifelong friends (except my current location, where I've been for two years, but that's another story for another day). And I even managed to meet and date a couple of really nice ladies in a couple of those places (except here, which really sucks).

Chances are, you'll find your new experiences will be beyond your expectations. Take care of the essential stuff first, then take a gander at everything else. The sadness will pass in time, and the anxiety will disappear. Your family will always be a phone call, or email away, too.

Cheers

 

[Ricky]

I think it has been the convergence of many things (finishing the masters, deciding between the jobs, the time with the parents, friends and the girlfriend) that have made it really a challenge.

Now that I'm moving it will be nice to get things in place and start rolling.

I will certainly be on here, maybe even a bit more than normal.

I wish things were a bit more stable with this girlfriend but I can't control her. I can only control myself and my reactions to her.

 

[Ricky]

Update on the girlfriend:
We had a long talk tonight.

She said things changed when I had these big decisions to make about 2 job offers in 2 different towns. She decided not to move to be with me at that time, because she felt like her future hinged on my decision and she didn't like not being in control.

Now she said she is nervous about her visit to me this week because she thinks this will be the make it or break it. I told her not to be nervous and whatever happens happens (implying in a way I don't give a ****), but I also did let her know I still loved her and was willing to give it a try if she was. Then I told her if it doesn't work we could just be friends (notice a little bit of push pull here, but really this is how i feel).

I'm really frustrated about it. I am resigned to the fact that she may call it quits this weekend. Not the best feeling when you are starting a new job in a new town, but hey i guess I may as well get a new girlfriend too if this one doesn't see the great guy she has in front of her.

I will update yall later. Thanks for your comments.

 

[Squid]

Outstanding thread guys, some really excellent posts.

I have gone through a similar experience as well, I moved from my home two years ago and I was homesick every day for about a year. The longer you stick it out the better things get, although I still miss the things I always took for granted, i.e. going fishing with my dad.

You will be fine, but it will be difficult at first, you have to find things to keep you busy and that will introduce you to new people. Also remember that this board will always be here!!

 

[FratAndDiddy]

well bro, try putting yourself in her shoes. she isnt sure about you with her feelings.
i wouldnt push the issue. let her fade away and find you a new one in your new town.
you need to concentrate on your new job

 

[Ricky]

You know what. I think I am just going to work my ass off (seriously put in some ridiculous hours at the new job) and forget about women for a while. That and hit the gym harder than ever and study for my board exams.

I have to admit this one hurts.

I might go back to full scale womanizing for a while and forget about every trying to build a relationship.