Failed a sh!t test last night

[MOTU]

So last night (Halloween) I had a nice little party with my friends and neighbors. One of my guests was a friend I'll call chica, an attractive single girl in her mid thirties.

My GF came late because she took her kids trick or treating with her best friend. When she arrived we were all sitting around the fire pit and chica was next to me and we were trading phones back and forth and talking about music. GF hadn't met chica before and was very polite and made an effort to talk to her and participate in the convo.

Later on we are playing giant jenga and GF picks up chica's cup and says to me "your friend is empty, go make her a drink". I reply "what do I look like, the pool boy?" on my way inside and GF says "kind of" in a playful way. I go make the drink. FAIL!

I should have made her do it. GF is not one to sh!t test me or challenge me often but I missed this one for sure. I imagine she was overcompensating for her insecurity about chica.

I am not that worried about it - later on I tied GF's hand to the bedposts and fvcked her face pretty good while holding her by the hair, so all's well that ends well.

Keep vigilant. Sh!t tests are everywhere.

 

[teebear]

No offense intended but that really sounds like overthinking on your part.

You could have simply treated her like a child and said "say please" and reframed the whole exchange. The pool boy jab was pretty good though. :yes:

I don't have a steady girlfriend and I hope that I won't get hung up on the subtleties and nuances in our exchanges if I do settle down with one. I believe that worrying about passing and failing sh!t tests is in itself a form of neediness and I'm sure that most of us agree that neediness is a bad thing.

 

[MOTU]

Well you are right, overthinking is one of my favorite vices. Fortunately, my tendency to over-think doesn't descend into worry or paranoia, I just tend to over analyze.

I do see your point about being too worried about every little exchange, but I also believe that frame isn't yanked away from you, it's eroded bit by bit. I think you have to remain aware. I don't think the little exchange above damaged my frame, but if I let it become common place I think it would.

 

[speed dawg]

Well you failed the test but you also were flirting with another girl. Might ought to cut that out. Yeah it probably gets a little jealously flowing in her, which can be good, but you have to pass the tests too, when your gf went on the aggressive.

To the test, that's a tough one. First, it's thinking on your feet plus there are very few ways to not look like an *******, with the rampant shaming and everything. I don't have an answer, I mean, you were the host of the party. I guess you probably should stop overtly flirting with other chicks.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Well you failed the test but you also were flirting with another girl. Might ought to cut that out. Yeah it probably gets a little jealously flowing in her, which can be good, but you have to pass the tests too, when your gf went on the aggressive.

To the test, that's a tough one. First, it's thinking on your feet plus there are very few ways to not look like an *******, with the rampant shaming and everything. I don't have an answer, I mean, you were the host of the party. I guess you probably should stop overtly flirting with other chicks.

I agree. I read OPs sh!t test as GF got jealous and competitive with Chica, so instead of actually competing for OP's attention like she should, she took a different approach and tried to establish who's dominant in the relationship. And now we know how it turned out.

 

[speed dawg]

--Beware that many women want to take away the man. They want to transform him...from a wild stallion to a neutered showhorse. I'm personally convinced that nothing feels more invigorating to a woman than to break him down and show him off as her domesticated pet.

Do you think they enjoy this more than the feeling they get while naturally submitting to a confident, alpha man? I don't. That 'conquest' you described doesn't end well for them, nor does it elevate their status in any way. Maybe in some feminist competition type deal.

 

[MOTU]

Speed, I wasn't really flirting with Chica, we were just chatting. However, I admit that I am playfully flirtatious with waitresses and others around GF.

Saul, I agree that her actions were based in jealousy, but I took it more as her over compensating and trying to show that she was "cool" with Chica. That was kind of the vibe GF gave off most of the evening. Like trying a little too hard.

I should clarify that GF's request for a drink for Chica wasn't bossy or condescending, it was more lighthearted than that. But still telling me what to do. I don't think it was a major deal at all, it was just interesting. I definitely don't have a frame problem with GF... At least not yet.

Espi, spot on with the quotes about women wanting to tame a man. I try to surprise her regularly both in and out of the bedroom, to keep hints unpredictable.