Facebook date not like an internet date but it is

[pete101]

can anyone give me any suggestions how to close this HB? I been messaging a few HBs off facebook via mutual friends (not really mutual friends, but party promoters who have huge lists of HB they spam for nights out)a few reply, most ignore, few send abusive msgs back. this one i've got her comfort level up a bit, but she's never met someone from facebook before nor internet dated. an internet dating virgin so to speak.

normally on internet dating sites you gauge the interest quickly by how soon she gives you her number, sets up the date etc otherwise she's an attention wh0re. because facebook is more like a cold approach but online rather than an 'internet date' from an internet dating site, i have to be slower in my closing the deal.

spoke yesterday back n forth on facebook, she was apprehensive, wouldnt give digits, i said cool, she asked for mine, i gave mine but she hasn't contacted me. i doubt she'll give the number but that's not needed i just need her to show up where we eventually meet. she messages me today saying she likes my new profile pic, we talk, i try asking her out for this weekend, she says she cant she has a charity event, no counter offer. 1 strike. so i feel her comfort level isn't high enough i play a get to know you game i learnt on here asking '1 question innocent, 1 question not inoccent' trying to get her buying temperature up sexualised etc. kind of fizzled out after 3rd round.

i suspect she's enjoying the attention, but isn't compelled to meet as she doesn't feel i'll walk away or she'll lose something if ido.. how do i go about doing this? i.e. conveying that.. i know i should stop giving her attention now, reply to her slower.. force her to suggest to meet up to get the ball rolling if she wants my attention.

i dont want to do a 180 that's too abrupt but i should def completely draw back my attention, and give her polite replies but that's it. is there any other way i can force her hand to meet?

 

[logicallefty]

I would look at it in one of two ways: Do I know her in real life other than FB, or don't I?

If you don't know her in real life, then I'd consider a FB date just like any other online.

If she hasn't contacted you by phone/text after giving her your number, I'd cease all attention on FB. Don't even look at her page.


My current GF and I had known each other in real life for 21 years. Hadn't talked in a while. Hooked back up on FB. I don't consider her a FB or online meet. I knew her in real life long before FB was even a thought in Zuckerberg's mommy and daddy's mind.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

First, we need a bit more detail: what kind of date are you trying to ask her on? A date where you meet at your place or a date where you meet her in public?

Secondly, to your actual post:

this one i've got her comfort level up a bit, but she's never met someone from facebook before nor internet dated.

So then, that would mean you actually do NOT have her comfort level up. She's making excuses because she's not trying to see you. I once saw a woman on TV singing on the Tonight Show, who happened to be a friend's friend. I got her facebook info, and the first - FIRST - message I sent was: "Hey, I find you attractive and would like to get to know you, let's meet up at a coffee shop next Tuesday." BOOM, instant date on the first message, and can you believe I didn't have to talk to her for weeks to get it?

normally on internet dating sites you gauge the interest quickly by how soon she gives you her number, sets up the date etc otherwise she's an attention wh0re. because facebook is more like a cold approach but online rather than an 'internet date' from an internet dating site, i have to be slower in my closing the deal.

No, facebook is pretty much the same. And your assessment of how to gauge interest when online dating is spot on - so, if she's not doing any of these things, it means she's not interested. She doesn't want to appear rude by cutting off communication with you... but still, not showing signs of interest thus far.

spoke yesterday back n forth on facebook, she was apprehensive, wouldnt give digits, i said cool, she asked for mine, i gave mine but she hasn't contacted me.

Right - because she's not interested. Interested woman would give you the digits. Interested women would hit you up if she had your digits. She's not doing these things because she's not interested.

i try asking her out for this weekend, she says she cant she has a charity event, no counter offer. 1 strike.

It's really more like strike 3: she didn't give you her number (strike 1), she wouldn't agree to meet up with you (strike 2), and she didn't counter-offer when you suggested a date (strike 3). Sheeeeeee's OUT!

so i feel her comfort level isn't high enough i play a get to know you game i learnt on here asking '1 question innocent, 1 question not inoccent' trying to get her buying temperature up sexualised etc. kind of fizzled out after 3rd round.

Because she doesn't know you yet and doesn't really want to answer those kind of questions from you. Unless she was already flirting with you in a sexual manner, playing this game was a BAD idea.

i suspect she's enjoying the attention, but isn't compelled to meet as she doesn't feel i'll walk away or she'll lose something if ido..

It's none of that - that's your ego trying to convince you that this girl will be devastated if you stop talking to her. She won't. In reality, she's just not that interested. I'd say this would be easier to gauge if you would call her on the phone instead of messaging her, but she won't even give you her number to do that :moon:

how do i go about doing this? i.e. conveying that.. i know i should stop giving her attention now, reply to her slower.. force her to suggest to meet up to get the ball rolling if she wants my attention. i dont want to do a 180 that's too abrupt but i should def completely draw back my attention, and give her polite replies but that's it. is there any other way i can force her hand to meet?

There's nothing you could do that's too abrupt - she's not trying to see you like that anyway. She doesn't know you and hasn't met you in real life, so her feelings really have no ties to you. You can't really force her to meet you - at this point, the best you can do is ask her out to do something every 2 weeks until she says yes. But again, I wouldn't place bets on her agreeing to meet you, or being happy about it if she finally does. My suggestion? Focus on other women - it really shouldn't be this hard to convince a girl to meet up with you if she's actually interested.

Hope this helps!

 

[Huffman]

edited: nevermind