Excuses excuses

[the_prototype]

How do you deal with shy girls?

I've been persueing this really shy girl at school who messages me and calls me on most days. The feelings between us are obvious, but when i see her in school she always has her head down. It doesnt help when she has these 2 ****blocker friends always around. Also, i ask her if she wants to do things a few times already and she always says she cant. I dont keep my msn or phone convos longer than 10 mins and i try do most of the stuff in person but she is totally different in person than online or over the phone. This has been going on for a few weeks. Today i've gotten the excuse again, but later i get this message saying she really has dinner with family.

i am stumped...

 

[rgeere]

Does she counter offer?

Like for example when she says that she has dinner with her family, does she invite to dinner with her family? She would if she had strong interest, I bet.

 

[DJ_Dork]

The above poster is right, if she is really interested in you she would ask you out to hang with her/friends to see how you are. Then you can move in.. this is how shy girls do it. I've dated a shy girl once and when I asked her out , I told her to include her friend. Now I know some of you DJs will go.. blah blah blah! You gotta understand shy girls are different.

Now on to another discussion.. this girl has her head looking down and gives you excuses like she's having dinner with her family? YOU COME TO A DJ SITE, and you want to become a confident strong person? So why the hell are you going after a girl that is not confident about herself? I've gone out with several shy girls. they're hard to read.. and to this point in my life, I have very little tolerance if the "shy girl" is not fun/confident about herself.

Try to look at this at another point, if you were a shy dumpy guy and a nice girl asks if you want to go out sometime, would you turn her down? Nope.

NEXT.

 

[Ebach]

Dork, you're a dork. Shyness in a girl is a great characteristic so long as it's not problematic in her social life. For example when you say a compliment and she blushes or whatever I find that very attractive. That's the type of girl you want in a relationship. Not the load mouth ***** that tries to run your business and has control issues. That one I'd **** and hand to my friend to keep the chain going.

Remember, confidence and shyness are not the same thing. She might be confident in herself but be shy at the same time. I've known some great girls that were very confident in what they did but at the same time they were shy. Of course if the girl has depression or some other issues don't mess with her. Maybe once she gets out of her mess she'll talk to you. If not, then oh well, find another girl. There are millions out there.

 

[Cremasta]

Originally posted by the_prototype
Today i've gotten the excuse again, but later i get this message saying she really has dinner with family.

i am stumped...

Shy girls are difficult, you still need to be forward without being too aggressive or overpowering. Give her the opportunity to hang out with you, but give her an escape clause if she needs it. Coming on too strong will just make her run a mile.

For example. If she says she has a family dinner on, ask her what time you need to be there. Look at her as if you are half joking about it. Wait for her to make the decision (How long you want to wait for a decision depends on how much you like the girl). If you still don't get the invite, she is either not interested, or is TOO shy (read 'too much hard work') - pretend to be offended for not being invited and part on good terms, but then don't make any more moves on her, find another girl. If you get an invite you have a green light.

 

[BrWnSugaMan]

Remember, confidence and shyness are not the same thing.

-WRONG. Go read an introductory psychology textbook. I am going to make this really simple...

Shy = Low self-esteem = Low confidence


Prototype,

We need more details to help you. However, I can offer you one piece of advice when dating shy girls. Don't think that just because they are shy that they will not cheat on you. If anything, shy girls with low self-esteem should be inclined to cheat more than normal girls. Here is the take home message, shy girls are much better at concealing cheating that normal girls because on the whole they don't show as much emotion. In other words, they are shy when cheating and when not cheating. It is easier to notice a change when normal girls cheat; however, this is also difficult.

 

[NatureGuy]

I agree with BrWnSugaMan, however,
a shy person can be confident about something in particular; his/her job for example. Further, I doubt this girl, whether shy or not, would reject a date with you as she has been doing if she was really interested in you. Maybe the messaging is all she wants. Try this:
stop responding to her messages.
See what happens.

 

[the_prototype]

Thanks for the advice all.

Originally posted by NatureGuy
I doubt this girl, whether shy or not, would reject a date with you as she has been doing if she was really interested in you. Maybe the messaging is all she wants. Try this:
stop responding to her messages.
See what happens.

Thats actually what i've been doing lately. Sometimes i see her online but i dont message, and some time later she messages. Other times, i get on and she messages very quickly. Seems she is more persistent through online, then phone, and least in person. She asks whats up, what am i doing. Usually i say call if you want to talk and i bolt. She calls. I dont talk for long. She asks why i dont talk for long and i come up with some c/f crap and she laughs. Maybe i can PM for more details.

Originally posted by Ebach
Of course if the girl has depression or some other issues don't mess with her.

You're right, i wouldnt want to mess with that.

Originally posted by Cremasta
Shy girls are difficult, you still need to be forward without being too aggressive or overpowering. Give her the opportunity to hang out with you, but give her an escape clause if she needs it. Coming on too strong will just make her run a mile.

Thanks, got any ideas?

Originally posted by BrWnSugaMan
We need more details to help you. However, I can offer you one piece of advice when dating shy girls. Don't think that just because they are shy that they will not cheat on you

What kind of details?